A very Peculiar and Worrying Situation

Just stop involving parents! What is this?! Kindergarden?! That u have to complain to ur parents and her parents! Deal with it on ur own, u r mature enuf, tell ur wife also to grow up!

She is being insecure for some reason! In my marriage also i was insecure abt my finance! Cz my inlaws showed that they were interestedin the money that i had, cz i was working! So i absolutely, totally closed down any chances of my husband and my fil taking a penny from me! Made sure everything was on my name!

It cud have gone two ways, if my husband had shown any interest in my money, i wud have clamed up even further! I was judging him in that period, looking at his intention! Thats what happens in an arranged marriage! We see the intention! My husband was least bothered with my money! Infact he said, dont use that fund, ill gv u expenses! On numerous ocassions i saw this attitude! So i knew abt his intention n now we have a frank discusion abt finances! I have no issues in sharing financial respinsibility with him!

But if my husband wud gave made it a point to ask me to pay or asked me to take care if my own expenses, i wud have felt a little annoyed at him! Thinking what if i werent earning!!

I think u just had bad timing! Even though u had no issues in paying, it has come across to ur wife that u r not ready to take care of her expenses! I wud suggest a joint account in ur case! Both wud have equal acess to money ! Start eith that ! Build ur trust!! Its really not that big of an issue! U seem mature ull wrk it out!

 

Yes, it indeed is unusual. If she was a homemaker, one would expect the husband to bear all the expenses (her's and your's) but in your case its not. As a matter of fact, it doesnt look like she has accepted you as a part of her family at all. Else, she would sure contribute at least towards one bill or groceries or insurance etc.

Since she has agreed for counseling, perhaps there still is hope.

Please start standing up for yourself. Its easier said than done and I know it more than anyone else. But if you want to save this marriage, you need to start laying some ground rules; I think you have long passed the stage of 'talking'. The only other option would be resign to the thought that it is going to be like this forever and carry on with life as if she is someone with no income.

 

Sorry, I need to add one more thing. Please dont open Joint accounts and all. What if she starts spending all your money and her's? Knowing her immaturity, she may actually do it.

 

Op,
yes your wife seems like a spoilt brat and you are doing the right thing by going for marriage counseling. Communication with her will be tricky no doubt but you need to tell her that if she thinks that what you earn is for both you and her to spend, the same is applicable to what she earns as well! She has to give at least a percentage of what she is earning for household expenses.
again, try to not lose your temper when you talk to her and don't involve parents....that will only cause a drift!
Things like gifts/chocolates etc, I agree it is frustrating but when u step back and take a look, it seems insignificant for now. Maybe you can deal with these after you sort out the major issues such as her attitude...
i do understand that you need a lot of patience and it is very very tough to live with someone who is so immature! But sometimes we need to deal with it. All the best to you!

 

Dear OP,

From your post I get the idea that you are a genuine and a nice person.

You two have perhaps not managed to understand each other well, or are probably very different from each other

Let me try to answer your specific questions

Ideally the man of the house should provide financially for the family, and the woman should take up domestic chores.

So she is not entirely wrong in saying that you should be providing financially for the family.

But then is she fulfilling the duties of a wife? Does she cook for you all the meals? Does she take up all the household chores? If she does, then you need to take care of the finances.

Had she not been working, you would have provided for her, right? Or did you marry her on the condition that she works after marriage.

What does she do with her income? If she is saving it for your future then it all would add up to the same thing as her contributing now.
If she sends it to her folks then, you need to talk to her and lovingly explain to her that you would like her to assist you with the finances, since survival is difficult these days.

If she truly loves you and cares for you then she should understand

Here, I support her fully. What she is seeking is special love and affection that one needs from a spouse and not actually the chocolates.

Buy for her crafty exotic chocolates that you get just for her, and give her in private.

I understand your love and affection towards your family, especially your little sister.
You can go ahead and buy as many things for them as your heart desires, she has not stopped you.

Trust me,I know lots of women on this forum itself who do not like their husbands spending a single penny on their sister in laws. Atleast you are not stuck with such a woman

Just make sure you do something special for her, to assure her that she has a special place your heart.

 

Feminism is expecting equal respect for women as men, for all the work that women do and are expected to do.

It does not mean that women have to stretch themselves beyond their limits, slog at work to bring home money AND be maids at home to their husbands who are the masters of the house!!

My question to you- How are men going to prove that they are 'EQUAL' to women? By getting pregnant and delivering babies?

 

Either the husband earns and the woman takes care of the house, OR both earn and both contribute equally towards the finances and BOTH takes up house work equally.

But unfortunately the second option does not work when motherhood comes into question.
It is only and only a woman who can create a life inside her and bring her/him into this world. Her duties do not end with childbirth, only she has to nurture and nourish the child in the initial years.

During this time her career graph suffers, and when she resumes work(in some cases the husband insists she works even after a baby), she has to start all over again, and is left behind her male counterparts who hold similar position and qualification as her. This can be very unfair and frustrating to a woman.