A Love Story For You!

Dear Lalitha,
I did not place this incident to know about Stella Bruce or his writings. I just wanted to tell you about how a man decided to end his loneliness.
I too feel that suicide is not an answer to life's problems. I also agree that one should face the hardships in a matured fashion.

But you see the problem is that a man in that condition cannot be impersonally weighing the pros and cons of killing himself. He was deeply in love with his wife and when she passed away, he could not live his life alone. And his answer to his unbearable loneliness was suicide. The question is not whether his answer is right or wrong. But it is his answer.

What moved me was his love for his wife. The way of expression might appear foolish; but that does not in any way diminish the strength of his love.
love,

 

Dear Aishwarya,
Thanks a lot for joining me in paying homage to this writer. I have not read much of his writings. In fact I am paying homage to him not as a writer, but as a man, as a lover, as a good husband.
Yes, his suicide was so sad and painful.

regards,

 

Dear Ramya,
I think it was Maya Nadhikal. Yes, it is really sad to know about his death. I loved the piece of note devoted to him.
Very well written Ramya.
regards,

PS: How come you and aishwarya have the same avatar? Are you so close? Or is it just a coincidence?

 

Dear Roopa,
Sorry, once again, as I was replying the post, I skipped yours.

It is nice of you, Roopa to pray for him. I do not remember much of his writings. But his love for his wife really moved me. That made me to share this with you.
love,

 

Dear, dear Chithra,

When the endearments are so strong, then it shows that I am going to differ from your views a little bit. So please bear with me.

Chithra, his suicide is an emotional decision. Even the decision to love his wife was emotional. I don't know anyone who has taken a very rational decision while falling in love.
Meera's pudu kavithai here is pertinent. The man sees a woman and falls in love.
"You and I belong to the same town.
Vasudevanallur.
You and I belong to the same caste and subcaste
Saivapillai.
Your parents and my parents are distantly related.
So come honey, let's madly fall in love with each other."
For the last line the poet uses a line from Sanga Ilakkiyam.

He has not denied his duty towards his mother. In fact urged by his rational mind he wrote the following line.

Though he might have "knowingly" hurt his old mother, he could not have helped it. My heart also goes to the old mother. But we should remember that Stella Bruce himseld had his own heart which had its own reasons.

Well, he has proved that he is "die-hard romantic", by taking an emotional decision.

Yes, he does. But I tell you Chithra, at different stages of our life we require the love of different persons. When we are young,mother's love is dominant. I have known girls attempting to kill themselves when their mother died pretty young.

At Stella Bruce's age, though he might have been grateful to his mother, his feelings are towards his deceased wife. The place vacated by Hema cannot be filled in by his mother, or for that matter, a thousand mothers.

I think you have started reading my translation of Osho, Manithanin Puthakam. There is a beautiful chapter on mother's love there in the book. It had a kind of sobering effect on me.

Stella Bruce feels very bad that he had to hurt his old mother. But there was no way he could avoid it. Life had become an intolerable hell for him. I am not suggesting suicide as an answer. But with this kind of intense love for his wife and with those suicidal thoughts, had Stella Bruce lived only with the view of not hurting his old mother, then his remaining life would have been an act of hypocrisy.

True. Because our scriptures have not dealt with the loss of a spouse, especially from a man's point of view. But there is a proverb in Tamil, which says,
When you lose your mother, you lose the chance to eat tasty food.
With the father's death, the child's education is gone.
But with the wife's death, everything is gone for a man.

Our scriptures were written in a male-dominate society and they over-emphasise the loss of a woman's husband and underplay the loss of one's wife.

Puthra-sokham is the worst punishment, all right. Stella Bruce might have been aware of that. And that was why he held on to his life for more than 7 months after his wife's death. Then probably he realised that losing one's wife when one is old is worse than puthra sokham. And promptly killed himself.

Yours was the first post that took a different stand. And you made me think deep and hard about this incident. Thanks a lot.

love,

 

Dear Jay,
You are perfectly right. The main idea behind my posting this tragic incident is not to popularise his writings, not even to justify his suicide but to show a shining example of love between a husband and a wife.

As a writer he has been true to his heart. He was not the type to cry within and smile without. In fact when his wife died, a substantial part of his died. The small remaining part sought its end by means of a suicide.

Suicide, especially by hanging oneself is an act of extreme agony. His agony in losing his wife should have been much greater that suicide would have looked a better option to him.

As you said it is very easy to judge but it is very difficult to understand.
Thanks for the nice, soft words, Jay.
regards,