A Journey To Happiness And Self-confidence

Beautiful. Every sentence is true and beautiful. As @Rihana stated, we realise this only at a later stage. Thank you for such a nice and good post.
Regards

 

A super note centering around joy rejoice and happiness. I doff my hat to OP & first respondent sister @Rihana . This write up & response both deserves to be nominated for FP of Feb,'24.

A journey performed by average DIL in joint family encounters enormous hurdles to her moments being happy . I presume these notes would be useful to such unhappy DILs both in India and USA & Elsewhere.

 

@gamma50g
I googled and found from it nuggets. The link is:
Embracing Your Imperfections
2. But then I presume most of the troubles invariably can be avoided by politely asking counter-questions and brevity in communication. Right word at right moment uttered in presence of right person or people or group would straighten the situation and eventually reduce conflicts.

 

Dear @gamma50g ,

Thank you for concisely sharing such powerful thoughts. You are right, as much as occasional self-care rituals are important, self-love goes deeper than that. It indeed is an ongoing journey and sadly as women, it is when we slow down a little with kids having grown up that we look back to see where we were and how we have come forward. We get caught up in so many situations that we forget about ourselves. We should be taught to carry on with things that bring us joy right from the beginning - the wisest thing that I have heard personally is "You can be sad and happy at the same time". I have realized that a certain amount of discipline helps a lot. How do we continue to do nourishing activities despite our busy schedules? Fortunately for me, I have had good role models in my mom and grandmoms. While one grandmom was all out, nourishing and giving, another taught me to choose silence in situations I cannot change or help.

To the list of activities you have listed, I will add solitude as well. Also identifying what cheers up our mood goes a long way. It could be something as simple as listening to music or gardening.

To answer this question honestly,

I have to say it is being nonjudgemental. That thankfully has helped me grow in a positive manner. I cannot tell you how light I feel when I just let go!

 

@gamma50g,

Thank you for presenting such a wonderful insight about self-confidence and happiness. Self-confidence is the foundation of the house where Self-satisfaction is the wall, Self-sacrifice is the roof and Self is the dweller. Everything comes down if Self-confidence is not strong. It is the concrete foundation that protects what is called life.

All your thoughts, words, and actions should reflect your Self-confidence. When you lack Self-confidence, it gets reflected easily and observed by everyone around you. Sometimes, you give too much credence to the opinion of people around you. You should take in only what you believe is needed for Self-improvement. You should control what you take in and if something is not useful to you, you should just broom it out. If you live taking everything in, then, it leads you to expecting appreciation from others. That is a perfect recipe for killing the Self-confidence. Imagine your thought as a steel, words as the brick, and deeds as the sand and it doesn't become rocksolid until we pour water (Self-love) into it.

We have to understand it is not what is said and did that affects us but how we reacted to it. When we spend aweful lot of time in reacting inside of us something that is not building any development for us, it weakens our Self-confidence. It is like a parasite slowly building inside to destroy you.

If I were you, I wouldn't make any change externally and do all my changes internally. I will decide what to receive, and what to react and what to respond and so on. You begin appreciating yourself for every contribution you do to your family internally including small domestic work you do that helps the family. It is going to have a significant impact in your subconscious mind and it is like building a firewall to eliminate others to access your wifi. Please do not let anyone live in your mind without paying rent.

If you are not unique and precious, you wouldn't be born. You don't need certificate from anyone to know how unique and precious you are! Frankly, imagine yourself as divine and all other instruments like body, mind and intellect as precious instruments given to you to achieve happiness. Confidence in Self (divine being residing inside of you) is Self-confidence. That entity that is precious and activates all your instruments resides inside of you. Why would you allow anyone to downplay it mentally? Gold doesn't stop glittering because it was called, "iron". Leave the noises outside and get deep into your incredible Being. That doesn't get diminished and it is unborn and never dies.

 

@gamma50g,

I hope you don't mind me making a second response here with something I had posted earlier about setting boundaries. Setting boundaries is an essential part of protecting your Self-confidence. Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices. The first step in setting up boundaries is to know and understand oneself. There are so many types of Self-care that includes physical consists of sleep, stretching, walking, exercise, healthy food, yoga, and rest, emotional consists of stress management, emotional maturity, forgiveness (it doesn't necesarily mean communication for forgiveness), compassion, and kindness, social consists of boundaries, support systems, positive socialization, communication, time together with the family, and asking for help, and spiritual consists of time alone, meditation, yoga, connection with nature, journaling, and sacred space, personal consists of hobbies, knowing yourself, personal identity, and honoring your true self, Space consists of safety, healthy living environment, security and stability, and organized space, financial consists of saving, budgeting, money management, and splurging paying bills, and lastly work consists of time management, work boundaries, positive work place, more learning, and break time.

In my view, physical boundaries should be comfortable instead of intolerable and abusive, emotional boundaries should be convenient as opposed to questionable and violative, psychological boundaries shouild be dignifying as opposed to dominant and fearful, and lastly spiritual/intellectual boundaries should be knowledgeable as opposed to conflicting and controversial.

There are multiple boundaries the first innermost one is around you and then around the family, then around friendship, then around acquintance, then around community helpers, and then around strangers.

The signs of healthy boundaries include

a) saying 'no' without guilt
b) asking for what you want or need
c) taking care of yourself
d) saying 'yes' because you want to not out of obligation or to please others
e) behaving according to your own values and beliefs
f) feeling safe to express difficult emotions and have disagreements
g) feeling supported to pursue your own goals
h) being treated as an equal
i) taking responsibility for your own happiness
j) not feeling responsible for someone else's happiness
k) being in tune with your own feelings
l) knowing who you are, what you believe, what you likd

10 signs you lack personal boundaries:

a) you fail to speak up when mistreated
b) you give away too much of your time
c) you agree when you actually feel like disagreeing
d) you feel guilty for dedicating time to yourself
e) you feel taken for granted by others
f) you have toxic relationships
g) you have chronic fear about what others think of you
h) you over-share details about your life with others
i) you constanly feel like the victim
j) you attract people who try to control or dominate you.

When you set boundaries, you should communicate it with people involved. If they fail to comply with the boundaries, they should know the consequences. You should never compromise on enforcing boundaries and its consequences.

I know it is hard to set them up initially but over a period of time, it would begin to work.