A Grave Matter Indeed

A Grave Matter Indeed


TOI reported that some churches in Mumbai have refused to accept coffins for burials, saying bring the body in a plain white sheet, shroud as they call it, as it takes up less space. Well with real estate so expensive, who knows one day, u might have sky scrapers in churches with the coffins in the buildings one over the other. Who knows sea facing side will charge more for the dead person can enjoy the sea view eh !


I had visited Micheal Pinto, the famous undertaker of Mumbai, in 2008, and interviewed him at hi soffice in Mahim, Mumbai. He told me so many interesting tales of the dead. He said the grave is given for 18 months , and after that they have to go dig and bring out the bones. They bury the chap face up. They do the make up of the dead.


For the males, they shave, wear him his best full suit and tie, and black shoes, it looks like the guy is going to a party.No sports shoes please. For the ladies, lipstick, make up, dress, powder and all that, of course her best dress and shoes.


Well they let down the body face up. After the 18 months, when they go to retrieve the bones, to make way for a new body, twice he said , they found the body face down.Meaning the guy was alive when they buried him, and the chap came to consciousness later on but it was too late.all he could do was to turn upside down.


So they started to put a bell with a rope attached to the fellow’s hand, so that if he is alive, he can pull the bell which can be heard far away, and they will come and rescue him. Well I suggest they put in a fully charged mobile inside, so the guy can call his relatives, that hey guys I am alive and kicking, let me out man !


So scared were the Christians, that they started to burn the dead, so that the doubt wont remain whether the deceased was alive when they buried him or her. And property matters settled fast, u see, otherwise complications can occur later on.


Now Micheal Pinto does even Hindus ,Sindhis, all type of religions.He said just tell us over the phone yr language, and we know what to bring for whom. And their charges are very reasonable.For the bathing of the body, to make up, dressing the stiff limbs, they were charging like a 1000 if I remember correctly, now with inflation it may be more.But worth it,for this isone job that is tough for the family members.i remember when we had to bathe dad in the room, I could not bear to see him like that, so I stayed out. My uncle, and brothers did the rest.


The graveyard at Santacruz, where Meena Kumari, Nargis, and other famous personalities were buried, was razed down to make way for some other project, and all the bones must have got mixed, no warning was given to the relatives of the deceased to empty the graves.


With real estate prices being so high, who knows like we have lockers in Banks one over the other, one day u may find graves like that , in Airconditioned enclosed places, stacked high one over the other, with numbers to identify them.


And so now Christians are now seriously thinking of burning the dead, as the cheapest coffin is costing 10,000 bucks. The expensive ones, well the sky is the limit. And they are planning to install electric crematoriums. Good for the enviorment really.


Who has the time really for the ones who have passed away. First year u may go to the grave, but later will find excuses to not go. These things were good in the olden days, but like we shifted from letters to emails, cheaper and faster, rather free, why not the burning option, cheaper , faster, cleaner.


God knows who cares, but the dead don’t care, they are buried or burnt, or fed to the vultures.Once dead always dead eh !


KAMAL MAHTANI


Killer joke:..


The Students of MBBS were attending their 1st Biochemistry Class. They all gathered around the Lab table with a Urine sample. The Professor dip His Finger in urine & tasted it in his own mouth.

Then he asked the Students to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes, but at last every one dipped their finger in urine sample & tasted it....

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them & said: The most important Quality is 'Observation'. I dipped my MIDDLE Finger but tasted the INDEX Finger. Today you just Learn, "How to Pay Attention". All Students shouted...

kuttte!!!



Harbhajan Singh married Geeta Basra on October 29th 2015.

Geeta Basra gave birth to a baby girl on July 28th 2016.

This is called 100 percent strike rate..



Julie Andrews ('Sound of Music' fame) Turning 80 - this is hysterical!


To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.

One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music'.


Here are the lyrics she used:



(Sing It!) - If you sing it, its especially hysterical!!!



Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string,

These are a few of my favourite things.


Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,

Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,

Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,

These are a few of my favourite things.


When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,

When the knees go bad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don't feel so bad.


Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,

No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,

Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,

These are a few of my favorite things.


Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',

Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',

And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,

When we remember our favorite things.


When the joints ache, When the hips break,

When the eyes grow dim,

Then I remember the great life I've had,

And then I don't feel so bad.

>>>>>>>>>>>>> > >>>

(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd

that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores. Please share Ms. Andrews' clever wit and humor with others who

would appreciate it.)