A friendly suggestion for those having marital problems!!!

You missed the next statment with the chair :hide:

 

I haven't read the work-life balance posts but I must say that like I gained perspective on many things, I believe that this will find a way to work out on its own as well.

Hubby and I were at this point where both of were working and both of us were in school too, he had just started and I was almost done. I used to get pissed off at times when I felt like I was doing the larger chunk of things at home and he was not pitching in enough even though both of us had work and studies to take care of. Similarly, he used to get pissed because according to him, he was doing homework and if at that point I had nothing else to do, I might as well finish the chores!

But now, I don't even find it a huge deal, we are both still working and still going to school, but have somehow managed to find a balance with neither of us feeling over-worked, or even if we do, just not complaining about it, because we just feel that one way or the other, the thing needs to get done. So we might as well do it without the bitterness and be done with it. Of course, this approach could have been adopted even without the baby in the offing, but it just seems to come more easily now. And then, it is pretty amazing how the husband will bend over back for a child, even an unborn one, and not for the wife. But I am really not complaining

Of course, I am not talking about scenarios where the issues are serious like abuse or discord etc.

 

I hereby appoint PearTree as my personal counsellor since we face similar issues :thumbsup

 

Lol sure! I may just not be giving good advice all the time:hide:

 

While what OP said is true to a certain extent, It may not be a generalized statement. In some of my friend's cases, the problems actually got bigger after the baby was born because one spouse felt that they were not being taken care of, or were working too hard for the baby's need and of course, sleeplessness takes a toll on you.
So, even if a couple is having silly arguments before kids, the arguments may get really potent after the baby due to above factors.
So, the chemistry between husband and wife is either there or not there even before the kid is born. If it is not there, there would always be problems after kid is born

 

Yeah i agree with u, when problems are huge like physical abuse, emotional abuse, mental torture then its good not to bring in a kid.

But when problems arise due to wavelength discord, ego clashes etc, then having a kid would strengthen the bond and not break it. I am an example for that. Me and DH were poles apart and Dh used to have such high ego abt being a MAN. If not for my son, we would be divorced by now. He was the one who stopped us from going apart. Now I adjust to DH's likes and dislikes and vice versa and DH lets off his ego and does some house work to help me.

 

One cannot question destiny, why she did not get out earlier or sooner who knows, abusive relationship is very difficult to get out. Moreover no one knows if something happens for good or not. May be she has a kid and can live her life with the kid and seeing him/her grow will give her purpose in life. May be if she would not have kid and married to someone else, she would not get kid from that relationship and she being a woman may feel incomplete. There are endless possibilities. I would say yes one should try to see if the situation is abusive not to have kid but if one does have kid one need not pity the situation....Kids are great gift God can give.

 

Very true, my problems with my wife increased after our son was born. Parenting conflcit is a biggest conflict couples have to manage.

 

In anycase, all my bantering posts aside - here is my take:

NEVER bring a kid into the pic even if you think a kid will actually help you solve 'petty' marital problem.

Only have a kid if you believe in the joy of having a kid, and for that sake only. Kid is not to be used as a solution for other issues. Sort those things without using any masking tape or crutches.

 

If it's a marriage that's thought to be rescued by having kids, it can be solved more simply by 'shutting up' occasionally (or holding your temper or managing your ego). If you can't let go a few times to make a peaceful home, you have no business being a parent.

Talk about managing a teenager later. Managing the hubby or wife is a piece of cake!