A Different Warning Bell - Comparison Is The Name Of The Game!

My responses to your posts will start soon, before that...

Most Gracious ILites,
I will be replying the responses for this thread (while posting it I had larger than life sized butterflies in my mouth; now after reading the responses, most of them have flown out) in a short while from now.
But before that I want to share a touching incident with you which I have posted in a separate thread in the Snippets Forum.
Here's the link:
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3503
While I am preparing your replies you may make a short visit at that thread and come back, of course after writing your views.
regards,
sridhar

 

Thanks Sudha, For Barging In!

Dear Sudha,

Thanks Sudha for being the first to respond. Only after reading your post did I feel peaceful. I was a little worried that I have touched upon a really touchy issue. But now I am touched by your and other ILites' responses. (that's the beauty of English; the same word touch lends itself to three totally different meanings right in the same sentence)

I don't believe in any education that happens in a hurry. Enough if we plant the seed in our minds. Let the plant grow tomorrow or after twenty years or 200 lives.

Comparison with other people can be there in qualities of the heart. If a person really feels, "How I wish I were like that lady, totally forgiving" then that comparison helps spiritual growth.

I am very happy you liked the thread.
regards
sridhar

 

Really Sensitive!

Honestly Kamla, after preparing the write-up I thought several times whether I should post that or not. In fact till I saw the first few replies I was shivering in fear that this may backfire on me. But now I am proud that I am addressing one of the most matured communities in the world.

If I were to assemble some 500 women at random in a Marriage Hall and lecture them on this topic, I am sure to get rotten eggs and rotten tomatoes as my gift.
The mere fact that ladies have taken this thread in the right perspective makes me feel that I belong to the right place, after all.

My mission will be accomplished even if one lady after reading this thread takes pride in her unique self and stops the nasty habit of comparing with others.

I can guess your approach to partying from the tone of the replies you write. Even if you had not written about how you enjoy yourself in a party, I would have guessed that.

Let's hope that in one party where you enjoy yourself in your typical way, let me be there to see your joy in others achievements.
Thanks for liking the quote.

regards,
sridhar

 

Wonderful Words, Sihi!

Hello Sihi,

When I presented a fruit to you to eat, you squeezed it, took the juice and made an essence out of it and gave it back to me. Good analysis.

But I want to add one point, Sihi. Comparison being constructive and our not going overboard - well it is easier said than done. The moment we see others and then look into ourselves - if others are better we sow the seeds of jealousy and if others are worse we sow in us the seeds of arrogance. And both these seeds are blasphemous to the ever-loving God.

The only attitude that will ensure our mental health and spiritual growth is this - if we have something that others don't have, let us be happy and explore ways of using it for the happiness of others. If others have something which we don't have, let us feel happy for them. Seeing something good, something beautiful, somebody happy is the sublimest form of worship.

thanks,
sridhar

 

I am flattered....

Dear Vandhana, that you are going to print out the quote and hang it up in the room. It is a powerful quote and will certainly impact our actions and attitudes. Well, you and sihi seem to be adding qualifiers, modifiers and provisos to comparison. But I believe they are not there.
We should aspire for growth. When I am inspired by Narayanamurthy's growth and am impelled to work more and better, there is no comparison involved; simply because between Narayanamurthy and me, there can be no comparison. But when I see my fellow chartered accountant driving a bigger car and I work furiously to get the same type of car, well, I compare and to that extent, however small it may be, my mind is poisoned. So I will be happy if I get a bigger car than the other CA; but my happiness will vanish when the other man gets an even bigger car.

Comparison is a problem and a peril because it makes you dependent on others for your happiness.

Though we are philosophical here, all of us are yet to grow and have miles to go. So please tell us what did your neighbours buy in the Thanksgiving sale. ha ha ha.
sridhar

 

You observe well, Seena!

It is human nature not to be satisfied with what they own and will it change? Yes, seena, that is the very core. And if it changes for the better then the human being becomes divine.

Comparison directly attacks the self-worth of an individual. And makes her weak, feel inferior and drains her energies.

When we realise that we are quite unique and incomparable then nothing can affect our happiness.

I remember a story from the Hassidic spiritual literature. All the people went to God to complain that they carry too much of sorrow and grief while others are carrying less.

God, out of his infinite love and wisdom, gave them an option. He told them that you place your bundle of sorrows and griefs under this large tree. Rest for a while. Then come backand choose whicever bundle you want to carry for the rest of your lives. Even if all of you want to have the same bundle I will have enough copies of it. But each one of you must carry a bundle.

The people agreed. They placed their sorrows, rested and refreshed. They came back to look for the lightest and the easiest bundle. God had given them special vision to see whatever is there in a particular bundle. They searched, searched and searched. It was far worse than a woman searching for a saree. After what seemed to be eternity each one of the humanbeings had chosen a bundle.
God had the last laugh as usual and told them, "See after looking into all the other bundles you have ultimately chosen your own bundle, then one you left there earlier."
That is life.
Even comparing with people who have less is not all right. If our happiness depends on the existence of someone who is less happier, then that happiness niether human nor permanent.
Comparison, is bad and does not admit any qualifiers.
Comparison is bad. Period.
regards,
sridhar

 

Good As Usual, Preethi!

Dear Preethi,

A long and as usual a good post.

But think I should start the reply as a lawyer would (though my professional friends call me a half-baked lawyer)

Let us be clear with our definition of the word comparison. By comparison I mean the bad quality of seeing things or abilities or features or qualities in others which we do not have and then yearn for them; be jealous of them, envy them and all. Or by looking down on others who do not have the things, qualities or abilities or features which we have and then be arrogant about ourselves.
Comparison in this sense is bad and there cant be a constructive or productive comparison. A good comparison is something like Healthy Aids, or a soothing cancer.

When you say that you looked up to others and corrected some deficiencies in your personality, you were not comparing.

When we come out into the world as human being we are only beta versions of human beings, a term used and abused in your IT industry. We need some benchmarks to refine and reform, to grow and stay healthy. We look into others for these benchmarks. An honest father, a loving mother, a caring sister, a wise teacher and a good friend might all provide us the right type of bench marks for us to grow.

Suppose an IT professional sets Narayanamurthy or Page (of Google Fame) as his role model he is not comparing himself with those people. He is in the process of defining his life goals and he uses these people as guide-posts.
This is different from a woman seeing the necklace worn by her neighbour and telling her husband to get an identical piece. Now you see the distinction, right?

Plus two is another issue which I wanted to discuss in a separate thread. But now that you have raised the question let me give my first set of answers. I have virtually done research on this subject.
The parents, teachers and the tuition masters conspire together to torture a boy who eventually scores 1150 marks. But in the process he loses the precious formative years of his growth. How does this affect his life?
A Medical college professor tells me that her anatomy class is full of bright students ,hat is those who scored more than 1100 marks. But their grasping and their understanding is abominably poor but for some exceptions. I expected this because plus two students did not learn any thing. They memorized everything. And when you study something with a view to get marks you don’t study it you just learn how to pull the ropes so that you give a better show.



Tell me Preethi, how many people will remember their plus two marks after two or three years. The worst type of a rat race is going on in the plus-two front. And the problem with a rat race as the Hollywood Actress Levelyn Thompson said, “Even if you win a rat race, you are still a rat.”

I respect the conventional wisdom. But there are many areas we have a lot of conventional follies. Plus two is one. Some schools here don’t cover anything in the Plus One syllabus. The students learn by rote for two years what they are supposed to learn in one year. All in the examination point of view.

I get emotional with Plus Two issue. Let’s reserve it for future discussion.
Thanks for your thought provoking, a long reply-provoking long post.
Regards,
Varalotti