9 months pregnant - on verge of separation

luckyyou · Dec 6, 2014

I am in 9 month, and right now on a verge of separation.
 reasons: 

I am 31, and DH is 32, both are educated. He wants earn more, more an more money. He was sweet till I conceived, and after I conceived he attitude changed towards drastically.  

He became ruthless, cold and insensitive towards me. Shares nothing about his life. I was always looking for some one to talk to me ever since i got married to him. I have stopped talking to MIL and he dint like that.  i had my reasons of not to talk to her anymore.

There are times when i became hysterical since days together there was no one to talk to me.  Things went out of control i have conceived as he thinks that now i cannot leave him because of the kids. Now he blames me that i was keen on having kids and he dint want anytime soon. I was under constant pressure for kids from MIL.

I loved him and trusted him, my trust is broken. All I wanted is his time and affection towards me. i am disappointed. I dint want leave my home country but I left everybody came here because at age of 29, because i got married him. i have supported him and did my best to support him during his sisters marriage. I have tried to forget and move on my life with him even after knowing his constant attraction and flirting towards other girls.  I have decided to move on and become single mom for my girl.

I cannot lead my life under constant dissatisfaction. I am feeling very bad for my unborn baby. I am trying to get over, but i am becoming weak. Please give me your suggestions. I am planning to return to india after my delivery.

Akanksha1982 · Dec 6, 2014

OP, hugs to you. Focus on your pregnancy and forget the separation for now. Maybe after 6 months, go back to India and recoup yourself and then think further. Maybe after seeing the baby, his attitude would change.

But for now just focus on your baby and pray to God that everything would be fine. Be positive, ignore him for a while, read books (child listens even in womb) and look forward to your bundle of joy.

Good luck.

tashidelek2002 · Dec 6, 2014

OP:
Please talk to your GYN asap....I am concerned you have hormone problems and I think you need to be sure you don't slide into post partum depression. I am not saying there are not real problems in your marriage (I cannot know either way) but your post is super emotional. Please be proactive and talk to your doctor.

sumalynux · Dec 6, 2014

Dear OP

As Akanksha suggested, just forget it for now.

Its said not to decide when you are emotional or sad..

Just think of baby and only baby now.. Its better you go to India,
after delivery, be with your parents for 6months.

Dont stop mailing,calling him.. Keep in touch..

Please believe me i have personally seen so many people change
totally once kid is born, they develop unimaginable attachment
as they feel its their blood..

Dont think or worry about future now, dont keep thinking about bad
incidents and beha

pear · Dec 6, 2014

Hugs to you dear! relax !Is there any chance that your H is all tensed up about the expenses for child birth and provision?He is the judge of his finances.Allow him time to adjust his finances .Your expectation is reasonable,but understand his difficulties too.Its easy to label a person too money minded .We need money to survive in the world as the family provider he is bothered about it.If you feel so stressed up vent to us in the forum.You could also bond with your baby with sweet nothings(they could hear).Bottling up yourself is a sure way to lose your reasonableness .Thats not good for you or the baby.

Prayers to you dear.

kanthtx · Dec 7, 2014

stay strong and calm ... focus on ur health and babys health...

rest of the world doesnt matter now.. once u and ur kid is safe then think of future... dont do anything rash now to jeapordize ur safety....

luckyyou · Dec 7, 2014

Thank you for all the responses. Felt relieved after seeing your suggestions and replies. Happy that at least somebody is there to interact with me. My mother is here for a 2 months for my delivery and post partum care. For now, I am feeling very much relieved talking to her. I am trying to make my self happy for my baby. I am listening to good music, watching movies together with mom, I dont know how I will manage tomorrow, but for now I am trying to make myself happy without him. Infact I am so hurt inside, that i am completely ignoring his presence. He also least bothered, left for weekend getaway with his friends family. Only me, mom and my angel in my tummy at home for this weekend.

I was working till I was 6 months pregnant, work authorization, visa issues and pregnancy altogether forced me quit the job and stay at home and fall in to sadness.

YoGirl · Dec 8, 2014

Good that your mom is here..
Having a child is a big change in the life...I had huge fight over the baby shower ceremony with my H in my 8th month. was in the same state as you and H accusing that I wanted kid and that he wanted to wait..
I would say..just be strong..a parent can't be emotionally weak..build up the strength so that your kid can be proud of u.

Rakhii · Dec 9, 2014

Any life changing decisions should not be made within the first few months of the baby OP. Let the child come, let mom leave and let things settle down. Perhaps once he sees the baby, his attitude about the baby may change. We can at least hope.

dreamyviji · Dec 9, 2014

Dear fellow-IL,

Hugs!! Mood swings are quite common during pregnancy(been there!), talk about this with your gyn. A small problem can seem huge during this time and if you are feeling lonely. Good that your mom is with you - talk to her. Try and get in touch with friends. Relax and do things that will make you calm and relaxed.
Wait until after the baby is born and give yourself sometime to get strong physically and emotionally and then revisit the problem, if it still exists. Until then, channel all your energy on your well-being and the baby inside.

Good luck!