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7 Year Old Daughter Thought About Me

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by BuviVishal, May 2, 2020.

  1. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,

    My 7 years old daughter under estimate me. I felt this today . I recall that 36 vayathiniley movie.

    I am 37 years old. B.E engineer and 5 years workd at infosys because of her delivery i quit my job then after a year came to Germany. Now having 15 months old daughter too.

    My husband will not show his affection towards my elder daughter. From starting to make strong his bonds with her , told her your dad only did this( buying gifts) actually me only planned bought what she likes. On her birthday asked him to give those gifts .

    My hubby wont do household works. Sometimes will do if he gets mood. 90% he wont do anything.

    Me only cooking, cleaning shopping. Me daily preparing food breakfast, 11 am juices, lunch, snacks and dinner. So most of the time i were inside kitchen. On this corono lockdown full busy at kitchen. My hubby all time sutting with laptop snd listening something, doing meditation blah blah....


    Now my daughter is saying i doesnt know anything other than cooking. My heart was broken. She is telling i doesnt know how to use laptop thsts y u didnt k know.... since daddy seeing laptop he knows all the things nu.

    From day starts i am runninv behind her.. she is not foodie. Making her to eat is very difficult. Me only sitting with her to do her homework and teaching tamil one hr sometimes 2 hrs. Sometime by cooking i am teaching her .

    Today i told her mothers day is coming whar u gonna to gift me she said when fathers day will come then only we both can cook for daddy nu. I feel very low

    I recalled 36 vayathiniley movie . As i am worthless and how do i can explain her

    What i should do now to change her thoughts. I feel i lose my identity. I feel like she doesn't wants me.

    Variety variety ah sappadu tharanum nu ninaixhadhu thappa...

    I am not taking care myself and not giving importance to my wishes...

    Please pour your thought now what should i do ?
     
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  2. AppuMom

    AppuMom Silver IL'ite

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    OP
    Many stay at home moms face these reactions from their kids.
    First of all cut down your kitchen time..Read books, browse current affairs and discuss the same with your daughter ,have study time together etc .Also tell her lots of stories ,your experiences from school / college /work so she will know how your life was before .

    I was in and out of work many times ,but never made myself bound to kitchen and I read almost 10 online news channels everyday thoroughly and tell my son the latest happenings.
    .Also topics like history ,geography ,cuisine,culture comes in to our conversation .
    His 10 year old and we usually have lots of intellectual talks.
    Please start a habit of sharing your knowledge with your daughter and see the difference..Soon your daughter is gonna tell 'my mom knows it all' :)
    Do not worry .It's just a phase
     
    Last edited: May 2, 2020
    Zxcv, sindmani, anika987 and 3 others like this.
  3. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Never do this. Always show and tell that you are doing ‘together’. Mom and dad are a team. Never put yourself secondary. That’s the right way.

    If you can’t treat yourself right, how do you expect others to treat your right. Respect yourself first, then everyone else will follow.


    Change your old ways. Spend sometime on your laptop too and Read news, articles, and share knowledge with her. Clear her doubts in her studies. When she asks you about any topic, give her smart and right answers.

    Make her understand that cooking and food is an important part of life, that’s why people are running around to make a living, so respect it. That said, stop spending so many hours in the kitchen, plan your schedule to spend minimum time. Also take her along to cook with you. Do together n click photos. Show her cookery competition shows and make her understand that it’s an amazing skill to hav, that you are proud of it and not everyone can do it.

    Respect is very important in any relationship, including within ourself. It’s never too late, just work on it.
     
    sindmani and KashmirFlower like this.
  4. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    From her birth me only telling many stories, while cooking playing words, color game, together we played. i shared how i learn at school, college and about work place. everything shared but still dont know why she feels like that.

    As you said i will try to reduce my kitchen timing. will see the result
     
  5. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    yea todayh my husband now is telling her (he didnt react many times) we both only planned and buying the stuffs for you

    you are right. i should take care myself first. wiil do that

    if i sit on laptop my little one will not allow and also if we me and husband sit on lap the kids will start to watch tv la thats y most of the time i wont sit. if hubby sits kids wont disturb her.

    from today onwards i planned to manage my timing in kitchen.

    sure will do that.

    thanks for your valuable reply. now i little bit relax
     
  6. deepthivinayak1

    deepthivinayak1 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,
    It’s mom thing to hide what she is doing for kids. They should know what u are doing in home. They think u r staying in home and enjoying life while dad is going out and sacrificing his life. Though kids see what we do,they don’t realize what we do is also tough job. One day include ur kid in cooking,cleaning house,take her to grocery shopping. Talk to her. What you do in a day and also make her realize one day if you are sick or not in home,how it will be? Always kids know the value of a mom when they are away from home and doing all work by themselves. Still you have time, talk to her. Just tell her,how many variety dishes you are making and how many hours you are spending in kitchen. They will understand. We have to talk one to one with our kids. They should know our hard work . Make them understand.
     
    BuviVishal likes this.
  7. Nuzhath

    Nuzhath Finest Post Winner

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    Hi
    You should be strong from inside. Dont ever lose your connect with husband and kids. It is bad for them! Not good for you also.
    Try to do your house work when the kids are asleep or keep them busy while you are doing work. You said you are a BE grad - make a fun project of laminating or scanning your certificates. Connect with college friends and ask your 7 year old to talk to them.. she should know mama's friends. Invent stories about your college life - take a small incident and make it sound colorful to your kid. Always have a hobby for yourself and involve yr kid in it - you should ensure there is a thin line between watching and participation. Growing up - they should fondly remember you doing something you liked.

    I think you need a break from all this for a bit as well. Talk to your hubby that you are stressed out and ask him to help along.. u never know, he may just be unaware. I have worked for almost 25 years now.. laptops and all. I know how stressful it is. He may also need a break..
    Take care!
     
    BuviVishal likes this.
  8. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks dear for your reply. She knows all these very well but suddenly she forgot all those and ignoring those. she is not at all interest on food and eating every meal is very tough time for me thats y she ignore my cooking i guess and also april 12th her birthday and i make her happy but not telling her as i only did those, he thouhgt all done by her dad. i thought this incident only make her to think in that way.

    i bought her fav toy four months before itself and asked him to give. now she is telling you never buy the toy for me and also if dad think to buy u will stop him . he also trying to make her understand but she doesnt.

    i think this phase too will go,, i wil wait
     
  9. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    thanks dear your idea is good will do that one
     
  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    @BuviVishal IMHO, cut some slack.
    95% of stay at home moms are going thru same, you're not alone dear.
    Rest 5% make thier husband's do household chores, still shine in front of thier kids.

    Daily thosev5% lamenting to kids & husband. They are working hard. Unfortunately I happened to be the neighbor of one such person, her husband would cook , take of kid as well go to office. Comeback cook bath feed kid. That lady would shallow pity on me how I slog.
    But her kid would adore her say best mom etc. Whereas my child for whom I fight the whole world says "mom, are baking same chocolate cake"? Nothing new for this weekend.

    Honestly it's "WE" we over spoil them, thinking it's for our child, child should get best. Risking life I bought all her favorite snack in 4 different shops in a Pandemic outbreak. Still I hear is complaints. So I developed a stratergy to involve every one.
    No one would believe I didn't repeat any menu in last 4 weeks. What I get? They expect same every day.

    Here are my pointers:
    1) morning I cook before 10 am , both breakfast & lunch. I make coffee.
    2) kid (almost 6) empties dish washer places.
    3) kid cleans up after breakfast
    4) dad cleans up after lunch - put left over in fridge. Needs lots of directions for the boxes to choose. Sigh
    5) dad fills water, may seem small it takes time. Dad & kid water plants
    6) every one make thier own bed.
    7) evening tea or coffee take chances dad/mom
    8) family movie / Netflix/ Amazon
    9) have coloring time
    10) my child loves to be with me when I'm on Facebook. We do Facebook together (face palm)
    11) tell how your schedule based on her.
    12,) you can learn German from her, she can learn Tamil from you.
    13) fix 10-12am for math, science.
    14) 4-5 pm for social science, arts crafts.
    (Homeschooling
    takes hard I totally understand you. I'm daily sending thank note to her teachers.)
    15) give rewards like baking, making juice, other no gas/oven task.
    16)
    Take it slow. One thing worked is I made only one gravy for breakfast, lunch & dinner. They understood. :laughing: not to mess with me.
     
    BuviVishal likes this.

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