4 years old picked up abusive words - help from experienced mothers

Monsi · Jun 26, 2007

Dear all,
This is on behalf of my neighbour. Her son who is just 4 yrs old has picked up one or two abusive words from somewhere ! I am sure it's definitely not from the family members. Because they are very soft spoken decent people. I think it may be from school friends or somebody. Her mother is very perplexed and anxious due to this because what if he says such words in front of others or elders. And if they tell him not to use such words, he tends to say it more.
I could not suggest her anything ! But I thought may be you can give her some tips to handle this?

Anamika29 · Jun 26, 2007

Re: Qst to all exp mothers...

Hi,
I think that they can try 2 strategies:
1) kids like to be "funny" and that others notice them, so if we pretend not to care about it it usually stops. They seem to like when they habe power over adults.
2) kids have a simple, immediate, and materialistic way of thinking. It is not a problem, it is the way their mind develops. So, when we are talking to them and want them to listen we must talk in terms that they accept. So, tell him that it is better if he stops that behavior because: he will get less presents since others will like him less, people will stop wanting him around, bad boys do that and explain what happens to bad boys (have no friends, no presents, nobody wants to go to their birthday party, etc). This all depends on the age and maturity of the kid but we can say that the police doesn't like. It is not to scare him but to make him understand the consequences that behavior has TO HIM and in a way he understands. They know parents love him and so they usually are not disturbed by the fact mother is embarassed.

karuth · Jun 30, 2007

Re: Qst to all exp mothers...

Yes. As anamika says we hav to ignore it. But sometimes even if we ignore it will take time for the kid to forget the word...
Those times we can use some descent words in place of that so that kids soon replace this there.(replacing is faster than forgetting). Like my kid caught the word "ayyayyo" from somewhere...it took time for him to forget.I personally didnt want him to use that word.SO I started saying 'ohOH' and in such places he started using ohOH.
But I do understand that if the word is abusive we cannot find a descent word to replace it...May be you can replace english words if its our languages..(english go looks less harsh than 'poda' or 'podi' in tamil).Again it depends on the usage of the word. Or slightly twist the word u will get a better meaning.. .will it work?

bubye
karthika.