POSITIVE ATTITUDE: A HAPPY HEALTHY LIFE! A very old lady looked in the mirror one morning. She had three remaining hairs on her head, and being a positive soul, she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she braided her three hairs, and she had a great day. Some days later, looking in the mirror one morning, preparing for her day, she saw that she had only two hairs remaining. "Hmm, two hairs... I fancy a centre parting today." She duly parted her two hairs, and as ever, she had a great day. A week or so later, she saw that she had just one hair left on her head. "One hair huh...," she mused, "I know, a pony-tail will be perfect." And again she had a great day. The next morning she looked in the mirror. She was completely bald. "Finally bald huh," she said to herself, "How wonderful! I won't have to waste time doing my hair any more.." ------------ --- BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE & BAD COMMUNICATION The staff at an old people's home were puzzled when one of the residents began gargling with TCP. They asked her why but all she would say was that something had happened at the post-office. This is what actually occurred. The old lady, who rarely ventured out, had visited the post office to post a letter. She bought a stamp, and since there was a long queue behind her she stepped aside. She put her change in her purse, licked the stamp and put it on her letter. Despite pressing and thumping and licking it again, the stamp failed to stick. "Excuse me, this stamp won't stick," said the old lady. "You need to peel the paper off the back," explained the clerk. The old lady put on her spectacles, fiddled for a few seconds to peel off the backing paper - and then licked the stamp again. "It still won't stick," interrupted the old lady again. "It's a self-stick stamp," said the assistant. "Well this one isn't sticking at all - there's something wrong with it," demanded the old lady. "Well it won't stick now because you've licked it." "Well I'm totally confused now," said the old lady. "Just give it here and I'll post it for you," said the cashier, and doing her best to explain continued, "These new stamps don't need licking. They are self-sticking. They save time. They are already sticky." The old lady continued to look blankly at the assistant. "Look," said the well-meaning but desperate post-office clerk, "Just imagine they've already been licked..." Which sent the old lady scurrying out of the door and across the road to the chemist. ------------ -- ASSUMPTION DANGERS Given the title (on the subject of buckets..) and its quick simple message, this story is a good partner analogy to the rocks in a bucket time management story. The story illustrates lateral thinking, narrow-mindedness, the risks of making assumptions, and judging people and situations: A party of suppliers was being given a tour of a mental hospital. One of the visitors had made some very insulting remarks about the patients. After the tour the visitors were introduced to various members of staff in the canteen. The rude visitor chatted to one of the security staff, Bill, a kindly and wise ex-policeman. "Are they all raving loonies in here then?" said the rude man. "Only the ones who fail the test," said Bill. "What's the test?" said the man. "Well, we show them a bath full of water, a bucket, a jug and an egg- cup, and we ask them what's the quickest way to empty the bath," said Bill. "Oh I see, simple - the normal ones know it's the bucket, right?" "No actually," said Bill, "The normal ones say pull out the plug. Should I check when there's a bed free for you?"