2 Kids Vs 1 Kid

Mother of 2 kids. My kids are 2 years apart .

Both DH and I were very clear right from the beginning that we wanted 2 kids . We have such fond memories of growing up with our siblings that I didn’t want my kid to miss out on that . There is no doubt that Kids need other kids and my kids don’t have much cousins here so it’s nice that they have each other’s company . They play (read fight), share, sleep ,eat, shower , go to daycare together and the bonding between them is beautiful . When my first kid was a toddler, I used to see him playing alone and he constantly wanted me to play with him. When the 2 nd one came alone , they hardly need me to entertain them . I know they will always have each other’s back when we won’t be there. There were things we couldn’t share with our parents like high school crushes and heartbreaks but with siblings we could talk about everything under the sun . Having our own gang also meant that we knew if we ever get in trouble ,we have each other to protect us .

Regarding your point as to having 1 kid is a trend - well, with nuclear families and both spouses working , it’s very hard to manage 1 , let alone 2 . Also Kids are expensive so some people decide to have 1 . For working moms, we have house hold chores after coming home from work so it’s really hard managing everything all by ourselves . Growing up, most of us lived in a joint family so there were grand parents or aunts to help around with multiple kids but now the onus of child rearing falls on the parents alone .

Managing 2 kids is much , much harder but it’s so worth it !I sometimes feel I should have a 3rd one but I doubt we can manage 3 with both of us working .

 

Call me selfish....one kid is more than enough for this life time. I don't have energy to go through one more time. Very much relaxed/enjoying myself after he left home.

 

I'm very much in the same boat as the OP.

Background :

I'm the mother of a 11 month old daughter born 7 years after my marriage. I'm 32 now. Both my parents and in-laws are significantly old and are not able to offer much support in the form of physical work. We live in the US. Getting a maid, training her and getting work done out of one is quite challenging. Infact I think I've spent more time training my maid than I have spent raising the baby.

What with the ticking time-bomb called the biological clock, I have the same nagging and tense voice at the back of my mind, playing ping-pong all the time :

"Phew its so hard to take care of 1 baby as a working couple, forget about the next one, we just cannot afford one more in terms of time and energy commitment. "

vs

"What will happen to my child if she grows up all alone ? She wont know how to share her life, toys, love etc with anyone. What will happen to her after we are gone ?. Does she not deserve a sibling love ? Everyone says that kids grow up very fast. Maybe they do.Am I taking a selfish decision for the sake of my comfort ? Long term relationship vs short-term inconvenience. blah blah blah"

All this chatter is peppered by what I observe as a family situation a:

I have seen grown-up siblings of my parents fight and bicker, remain incommunicado, not attend important functions, or even if they do attend, make it very unpleasant. In all they remain truly "relative". What use is your family if you are all alone at times of crisis and celebrations ?

Then I have also seen extended family friends lend a helping hand and be truly god-sent angels to us.

So I've concluded that what matters is the "network".

If I can build for my daughter, an extended network of family friends, genuinely caring and sincere families, I would consider that more worth-while than simply having blood relationships sharing just the DNA.

But what if ?

 

I am a father of 2. We always thought we'd want 2 kids. I wanted two sons as I am the only one and do not know they joys of growing up with a brother. So, un-wantingly, I wanted to live that phase through my kids. We now have a son and a daughter. We also made sure we have them not further apart 2 years of difference at most. Our logic was living a life in poo, wee and vomit should be limited to just 3 years ! As a couple we wanted to do so much but the partner had some issues with the ovaries so we just didn't stop trying. I think we are slugging the best years of our lives trying to raise these two. Hopefully, in 2 years we shall have some life of our own.

On another note, China has ended the one child policy. I think the last 30 years or so have produced some very 'princess'y single kids. I am sure if there is enough discipline, even a single child can be brought up to live a meaningful, normal and a humble life.

 

u r not selfish ...u r the sane one , the intelligent one ....lol...compliments from me who has decided to be child free forever ...lol
i enjoy life , work of several social causes ....and work with little children too ..so i get to enjoy little children all the time (added benefit ...

 

2 kids

 

12 kids

 

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