how to maintain good relation with inlaws

I'm not sure if GOOD relation can be maintained with ILs.. I exist in a PLATONIC -> DERAILED relation with them.
They're a typical specie who either want full control over your life or none at all...

ILs dont support when you want them to.. or when you ask for help.. they do things of their choice & at their terms & conditions which are worse than that of Indian MNC hiring TnC.

Dont be after them or expect anything from them.. whenever you have loads of time and you really want to call them on special occassions.. do call them but again dont expect a call/ support from them. This helps you in future when they may or maynot need help.

 

Here is the thing...

It takes two people to create a good relationship, one to create a bad relationship. You can't force your inlaws to call you, treat you well, or form a happy mil-dil bond. If all it took was YOUR good efforts to fix this situation, well then, majority of dil's on this site would have no problems. Reality is, you can only have a good relationship if/when your mil decides to suck up her huge ego about not getting dowry and same caste dil, and reaches out to you with the proverbial olive branch. Until then, there is nothing you can do about it.

You haven't done anything wrong. Your mil is just huffing and puffing that she was the all-great, all-knowing queen mother of the family and her darling baby boy dared to marry a girl of his choice.

How long to wait? Wait no longer. Stop waiting. Whatever support you are asking/expecting from them, stop asking/expecting it. Just live your life. Be the best wife and mother you can be. To be honest, I feel you are lucky. Reason being, lots of inlaws try to ruin their dils marriage when they don't like their son's choice. At least your inlaws are letting you live in peace. And really, with two cute grandchildren they could be seeing, it is THEIR loss carrying on this grudge.

 

They will mellow down as time goes by and as they age. Just be normal and courteous in the mean time when you interact with them.

 

Hi this is what i feel about the topic i am no sure whether this works.
good relations with inlaws makes life pleasent and tension free (feel happy just at the thought!!!!!!!!) :yes: it is desirable to have friendly atmosphere with persons directly related. of course we shall have initial problems like ego financial etc. it depends on how we react to a particular situation. if one learns to cultivate humbleness in life everything gets settled. as time and age passes off we should learn to adjust, accomadate and adapt to changing situations (applies to inlaws also) , should learn to tame our temper and emotional levels, take care to watch our words before speaking which could hurt others then avoid fault finding
i feel majorly problems creep in atmost when there is a visit from inlaws side (especially from MIL' s side like her brothers or her sisters) particularly if they dont get good treatment and good gifts from us inspite of listening their sarcastic words towards us, then comparing DIL with their Daughters and their DIL's specially if we are close and happy in our family.i feel not to be so close and so far Keep some distance from them helps to maintain good relationships.

 

hmm mine is a luv marriage too,before marriage my dad dint want me to marry my dh and my in laws were happy to get me home but i dono if that was their true colro or no becuase since day 1 she treated me like a enemy .made me cry on very 1st day of marriage .i tried my best to keep her happy.was very patient never said a word against her.got her gifts,gold,took them to piligrimages and trips what not and result ...juz nothing and she still hates me
so no matter what in my case she hates me i guess like ASG said in any relation its important the other person also wants to be in relation and should have that love and respect and value for other person.
they say patience pays not in my case so my advise will be its better we stop expecting from them as they never change and you are doing a good job as dil and keep doing the same and pray god that they realise value of relations

 

ASG -- you have snatched the words out of my mouth.... K

Dear India mom
EXPECT NOTHING....and you will live happy!!
your biggest fault is that her son CHOSE you!!! and that means he loves you enough to defy her... believe me i realised this years after i married... till then i was wondering what was wrong with me!!!:bonk
Be Happy and all the best in raising your twins... you have your hands full care a damn.. about the rest...
K

 

Hi,
ours is aranged marriage! even then we do have probs with inlaws.. esp comparing with their daughter/grand daughter. never get an appreciation for what we do or our kids do! its just that we have to do our duty and expect nothing for return.

anyways, good lesson for our future when we become mils we shouldnt repeat the same mistakes! though they may find mistakes from us too :rotflthat we cant help!

Kyun ki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi.. ham bahu bhi ek din saas banenge!Chillout! enjoy your life! dont bother these things in life.. they will be happy its we who will be thinking as to how to make them happy and forget our present life!