Appropriate bad words

I hear you Ani. We are so careful about whatever comes out of our mouth at home but it's simply impossible to close their ears when we are out in public! I mean, at my son's pre-school, all kids come from good families and I personally know that the parents are equally cautious about using 'bad' words. But yet the kids do exchange words like 'you fatty' and it's repeated at home. Just y'day my son tells his sister 'move away you idiot baby'!!!

Latha

 

ya latha,i agree with you.because my neice and nephew are studying in one of the best school in coimbatore.frequently he using the word'shut-up'.i m disappointed with him.ya....the cartoon channels teaching more bad words.we have to teach them about good and bad words.
nila

 

Bad words dont we all go DrowningDrowning as parents when the word just shoots out of our LO's mouth at the unexpected but precise moment..(something do with murphy's laws as usual i suppose)

Children are more like parrots, and they would like to repeat and use the word everytime. it is just the environment and the circumstances that make it happen more of the use of the bad words these days.

First let us think what are the sources and the reasons a child could use bad words...

1. she hears it from the family. (the reasoning here would be if it is used by my family, i can use it.so never swear in front of children)
2. she hears her friend use it.. (the tender age, when they need to copy the friends, so they are vulnerable)
3. the curiosity to try out the new words (sometimes, it is just that they need to use them, even if they are not aware of the meaning..)
4. some children do understand it is wrong, but do use it to express their tempers..
5. To bring attention to themselves.
6. Some children relate swearing to having a power. the power of being bad. (as lot of children's programmes too potray)

How do we deal with it, of course this is a continous process as our children are going to learn new things/new vocabulary everyday.

yesterday my daughter came home and said that is a vettu character ma, I asked her where she learnt it.. she said the boy at class was using it continuously and she caught it. i asked her the meaning and she said waste..I told her as long as you understand the meaning of the word and are not hurting somebody's feelings and your own respect it is fine.

Sometimes, the words which were more taboo to our (or should i say mine) like sucks has now taken a new trajectory. what had a different meaning in the dictionary then now has a new meaning. when somebody says life sucks, it means life is boring..may be we need to broaden our language borders...

So now Ani, in your case the man at the atm used as **** word. you could divert your kids attention from that. you could say, his mom, will feel embarassed, after all the good manners she has taught, her son using bad words in the public. (this tactics of saying that the other person has behaved bad, and the parents will feel bad works..but dont over work as there is a fear of your child going and say the same to one of your friends/her friend's parents Big LaughBig Laugh)

The next thing is you could make them understand what the word is, if possible, and the caution here is sometimes, there are words that could take a different tangent for which we may not be prepared at that point.

This happened to me once. my son was 5 he heard the word bastard, and used it once. i told him let us see what is the meaning of the word from his dictionary. Will you be happy if you were called that, he said that he will never want to hurt anybody with such a word. and he has never used it.

The maximum bad words in our family are..idiot,donkey, lazy goose.and yes shut up.(well i am trying to recollect if there are any more...) and hate is a very strong word that is not supposed to be used in our home. I somehow always feel that children become vehemently strong in their likes and dislikes by using the word hate. today my kids do not use the word hate to say I hate that person, i hate that vegetable.

The tv is also a major culprit. sometimes, we see that our child is engaged elsewhere, and is not listening, but beleive me our child, they hear and see and absorb all sorts of things, including behaviors. (My daughter is a crazy fan of hannah montana..i heard her talking in a slang once..could not place it to where i had heard it before, then kept my ears opened and found it she was mimicking hannah and was not aware of it. and had to explain to her that she was doing it and thank god for small mercies, she has stopped it..)

Never approve, or laugh when your child uses an bad work at the first instance. your laugh is treated as an encouragement, at the same time, don't hit, as some kids tend to become rebellious and can use it without your knowledge.

the last but not least, you teach your children, that you need to respect yourself. using bad words is not a great thing, everybody can use it. but the moment you use it you are going to lose a few points of your respect in others eyes and would you like that to happen to you. Like a white sheet having a black star on it, when you are bad you are very easily distinguished because the whole sheet is white and you are the black star...

Hope you people don't think i am on essay writing mood....Big Laugh

 

We like it when you are in this mood Shanthi because we also learn lot of things. All your replies to parenting section is very dear to me. It has helped me in so many ways. So whenever you are in essay writing mood we welcome it.

Vidhi

 

Vidhi,

IF it had happened when I was small, I am sure I would have got a slap across the face that would have put the fear of the act being wrong. well what would have worked then, definitely does not work today.

Parenting is a joy as well there are days when i would definitely want to put a few words under the heading of woes of parenting...bonk.

I am just sharing all my trials and errors and I am yet to arrive at the best possible combination of parenting that would work. because again what works with my daughter does not work with my son....

thanks for saying you love me in essay moods..:bowdown

 

Anitha,

I know parents, who know that their kids are behaving badly, but still keep quiet., once i heard a parent commenting, "At least he is able to say what i cannot say" :spin:spin.. giveback at what cost and in which areas...

Some parents, do not want to accept that their child could be doing something wrong, and without realising they are also encouraging the behaviour.

You are welcome. collectively we are learning the art of parenting.

 

Shanvy,

As always you have written very well. I have just started facing this situation with my boy and every single word of yours is to be memorised. In my son's school, the teachers often use the word 'not appropriate' and not 'bad'... Anitha's title itself is mature.

I have a question to ask after seeing Ani's reply.... on back-answering. my 4 year old does that too often to drive me insane. For example y'day he hurt his little sister with a toy and he was given a warning. He kept on talking back that i finally had to remove the toy and then followed a big screaming episode. Now my husband's favourite teasing point (not in front of the kid, ofcourse) is that i talk back (to my parents, to him) and my son has taken after me. I am hurt at this accusation. As a child and even as a teenager i never talked back to my parents. Now I'm a 33 year old and while my husband nods his head for everything that his father has to say (err this isn't spouse forum.. i must remember that) i do get into 'healthy' arguments with my parents and with my husband. Please, as an experienced wife and mother tell me how to get this smoothened out!

2 days back my boy's teacher told me that yes he does talk back, goes on n on.. they ignored him all along and she told me they've changed tactics and have started to let him know clearly that it's not acceptable. This was a warning to me that because his tantrum or whatever that is not accepted/tolerated anymore at school he might show it out at home! i haven't noticed anything different but well the above para is what i'd like to discuss...

Latha

 

Latha,

you are welcome. happy to find people agreeing to my view and trials of parenting. (Interestingly I have not read any books on parenting, but have been surprised at the amount of books that you people discuss in the forum..and I sometimes wonder, if things would have taken a different tangent if i had read??:idea)

Your DH is confusing your arguments and your space with your son's tantrums Big LaughBig Laugh. anyways let us not go to discuss this.

Coming to your LO, giving back answer is a tantrum, wanting to show that he is having a different opinion, and is refusing to accept a statement passed by you.(In this instance hurting his sister..keep watch. the elder kids, tend to be a little bossy with the younger always Big Laugh)

Giving back answers at school, may be he is enjoying it when he is asked not to do. he is growing up, and is learning to be more independent and wants to express his views and opinions freely.

I am just thinking back, what did I do...now DS knows he is wrong the moment he gives one..and is very readily floating his sorries the next moment. and DD does the same...

There are few unwritten rules in our home ..(nothing great, every home has few)
when i say no, it means NO.
You have to give respect to your parents, elders even if you feel they are wrong,and have told them just as they make mistakes, elders also can make mistakes.
you will have to ask for a excuse me, if you want to be given a chance to give your view on a topic. yes, i had asked them to say excuse me to divert them from spontaneously giving me back answer. and the strict punishment, was that i would stop talking to them, if they did not learn to stop and think, before starting to answer.(believe me this is a very serious punishment according to my family.)

At the same time, we need to make them understand that they are hurting our feeling by giving us back answers.

In this instance, you can just tell him please stop giving back answers. tell him that he is hurting your feeling by not stopping, when you are telling him to stop, and since you love him so much and don't expect him to do this to you,it hurts more.

Just look at what works for you and try it out, because sometimes, it is going to be very embarassing when your child could just go saying I hate you for doing this to me infront of people.(I pray it does not come to that as I have seen one of my friends who started crying immediately)

These are just my views. will come back later...