Is the software industry making men become less manly?

Hi Everyone,

Just want to understand what you feel about some of the things that I have been observing last couple of years.

I am a software professional and working for considerable number of years. I have been observing - especially Indian - men & women in this industry. Due to the huge workforce employed by this industry, I feel I have observed a considerable sized population.

I feel the following -
1. Men are acting overly soft, gentle, always gossiping, never rowdy, hardly every contradicting, eager to participate in each & every discussion even if its between two girls. Even if friends meet, they will discuss their work problems, projects etc. I somehow miss the manliness that attracts us to men. I miss them being rough-and-tough, over-powering but protecting. I keep wondering - what if there is some problem like day-time robbery - will these guys protect me? Or will they run first?

2. On the other hand, girls / women are becoming very tom-boyish, missing the frilly and cute things that typically girls do, decorating cubicals, having plants, photographs etc..

I am not saying girls / women should be dependent on men, but somewhere deep inside I feel every woman wants her man to protect her. This is a general though - not necessarily about anyone in particular. So although it does not apply to my hubby, it does apply to my colleagues.

On the contrary, westerners - I have observed more Americans - are gentlemen but still they talk like men, enjoy their things like watching football with their male friends, going out fishing (actual fishing on a boat ), building stuff for the house, going out camping in desert and so on.

What is your observation? Is there anyone who feels same as me?

 

Hi Everyone,
I must say WOW ! 49 views but not a single reply.

I guess I hit a wrong topic. I just hope I didn't hurt anyone's sentiments.

But is it that its only me who is thinking so? Then I need to really change my thinking.

I am really open for comments - supporting or against the thought that I have shared. Please feel free to comment.

 

Yes skavi, What you are saying is actually an entire topic of discussion in itself. We have somehow learnt to be indifferent - like an Application Which takes in data - processes & gives the output. But the application does not change

 

dear CutePavi,

What you say applies to Indians (at least the nationality that I can talk about confidently! It may also apply to Japanese, Chinese etc). But my personal experience with "Americans" is that they make sure they give enough time for their personal things - like guys will go out for Happy Hour (albeit for drinking - not good ) and then to watch a basketball game..

Once I met a UK based customer - who had taken an ENTIRE month off and guess what he did? He didn't want to travel - so he dug up entire garden and re-designed it in that month!

But I have seen us Indians - especially s/w engineers - work till late hours at office, make sure we r exhausted and then come home and sleep. Actually - come to think of it, there are very little choices to pass time on a day-to-day basis in India. Few choices for games, option is to watch TV, some have friends outside work..

I think I am drifting from the topic - but I feel that guys should actually singles (guys / gals) should try to find things to do other than work like hang out with their friends, play sports, exercise, help out for some things at home. Instead they are immersing themselves in work..

Not sure if I am making sense..

 

Hi Sunita,
Thanks for your views..
What I am comparing is how men used to act manly (this EXCLUDES their animal like behavior like hitting, overpowering women - INCLUDES just the way they used to walk, talk, their gestures and their liking) in 50-60s and how they are now. Also comparing the men/women now with their counterparts from other countries.

But your rest of the post addressed it correctly.
I think you have written very well about how we are transitioning and how we trying to understand what's accepted behaviour and what's not..

So this post is not to say men are wrong in their behavior but more to share what women think, expect and also to understand why girls are behaving the way they are - i.e. tomboyish.

I feel that with all the women / men movement and rights fights, all men and women are confused about what they need to do in their day-to-day life. Its like a project where no one knows their responsibilities and so everyone feel they have to do everything

Earlier, it was quite defined (albeit in a wrong way) that everything outside house, men will take care of and women are responsible for house. But then women fought for our right to be able to work and provide for the family. But in the process, no one paid attention to educating men about their responsibilities when women start working. So women still feel that we also have to take care of the house. We expect help from men, but because their parents didn't teach them better, they don't understand they have to help or their egos are too big to actually come and help. So women manage their work - because they have to prove that they are from newer generation of working women and they manage their house too - because that's a must.. but in the process, women kind of start feeling that we have to do everything and with the natuaral motherly instict, they begin protecting everyone including the husband.. and I feel as their daughters come to age, they see their monther being protecting and they feel that's how they need to be. So they kind of try to show they are "independent and confident" or as you say "Self important and prepossessing". But to the core, they might be confused too.

I think this is kind of a twist but hopefully in the right direction.

 

I am curious to know, like me, does anyone miss the manliness and feminity amongst us today?