What's Wrong With Me? Why Cant I Just Listen?

Its old age thing. My mother also does this. What you can do show her manifestation videos and tell her whatever she talk will get attracted to her. If she talks about pain more pain will come to her. If she talks negative more bad things will happen. This will help her to reduce complaining. There are so many videos about positive thinking, manifestation etc. Make her practice that.

 

She is bored and it is also old age. Just nod while doing your work. Sometimes if people don’t have other things going on then they become overly focused on what most people would consider minutiae.
Why do you want to extend their stay? Are they asking? Six months is a long time. It might be better to go back, have a break and then return.

 

Are your in-laws in poor health?

 

Your husband will figure out a way to take care of his parents. Don't project his guilt on your head and try to solve non-existing problem
Accept you won't be there to take care of them. Make arrangements for care.
Splitting family, extending visa are done with haste without much thinking . Don't try to be martyr of the situation. Accept the problem and deal with consequence instead of trying to fixing it. This is curse of all NRIs. We moved out for opportunities and money. Family back home enjoyed the luxury. Once kids hit teenage years it is not like we can turn back and go. We need to accept the prize we have to pay for this decision. Once you accept it is easier to solve.
You seem to be overly invested in this whole situation. None of your solutions are sustainable in my opinion.
In simple terms you are over doing to compensate for you being a absent DIL. Not needed just be your own self.
No one needs to be served coffee in their place unless they are immobile. Considering your FIL is running a business, I'm sure he can walk few steps to pick up coffee. Your MIL will complain about sleep if she doesn't get any physical activity. Mobility is so important especially in old age. You are setting up everything for them to whine and complain. Unless you change you approach towards your problem nothing will change.
Give them prep work like cutting veggies. Not sure if you have instant pot. Ask MIL to keep rice, daal when needed. Make some ready made food options for them. Just wondering in the next 5 months if you fall sick will you still be able to manage to prepare 3 diff meals 3 times a day.

 

Both my in laws are young and in good health. My fil does this. If he catches me, I'm screwed. He will not only whine about his night sleep and urine issues but also what all he saw on fb, his religious views for the day, his flavor of the day video on control his diabetes based on some video he saw and the list goes on....and my in laws stay with me 9 out of 12 months. He won't stop till I get out of the place. I understand your pain. It's frustrating to hear this every damn day.

At least your husband also hears them out. Mine is not even at home when this happens and when I tell my fil politely to tell his issues to his own son, he will say "But Oh! My son is busy and doesn't have time to listen to my problems". Same if both my in laws need groceries and stuff, even if I tell them to send the list to my husband, they will say..."Oh our son works hard and we can't burden him with this. So you go get us this list." Just because I'm home .....

My fil won't enter the kitchen too. His reason everyday - I grew up in a family where women cooked. Thankfully my mil cooks for him. Yet he will waltz into my kitchen and if I'm making something for me, he won't even ask and taste it. He cannot adjust to anyone. Rather, everyone has to adjust to him. He will do as he pleases in my house and no one can tell him anything.

Since he won't change his views and God help him if my mil passes before him because I have made up my mind not to deal with chauvinists like him due to these issues.

Right now for 3 whole months (sadly that's coming to an end in the next 3 weeks), I am absolutely enjoying the peace and quiet of my own home after a long long time.

 

How did you bring about the change in dressing.

I think your inlaws are feeling happy and seeing you as their own daughter and not dil, and so sharing their problems. What else would they have to talk at this age. Just dont take it to heart and tell them its age related issues. If its a serious problem, then action has to be taken.

 

@gamma50g what is your husband’s take on your in-laws taking up your time and energy rather than their son ?
Is he fine with it ?
9/12 is really harsh . If they are healthy is there is a reason for their long stay here ?
Looks like household is run you and husband brings in money . Not sure if you want change . If yes keep talking to husband. Initially there will be lot of resistance but eventually they will be on-board. Don’t accept this as norm . If possible see you can get a part time job not for money but once you aren’t there your in-laws will learn to live .