Should I Work Or Stay Home

Dont quit working. May be apply for a position thats less stressful like a part time job. Never quit working. You do not know what is in store.

 

Dont quit job, it does not look like you want to quit job and stay at home. Even though I had to take break in my career for taking care of kids, now that I am in US on H4 visa, I am going mad staying at home.

Also if your parents are coming and you have to take care of them you can quit job or go for an easier less paying job, its you in laws who are not supportive to you as I understand from your words. So your husband can quit job or take an easier job and spend more time taking care of his parents. Why always women?

you must have already seen how kids become independent and dont need parents once they go to college and then get jobs. what would you expect your daughters to do if they are put in your position? you decide the same for you.

 

No. Don’t quit. Do not fall onto this guilt feeling trap. You should ask your husband to play an active role in this parenting and that the son needs to have a fatherly role even in his studies. Not all responsibility lies with wife. Let your husband share some responsibility on a day to day basis. I read your first post and in that you told that you are in full charge of all day to day work. Why is it so? Even if in high flying job what makes it hard for your husband to put some effort towards parenting his son.

Allocation of work is what you need. Get some help for your cooking and housework. Get weekend cleaners to get the jobs done. You have earned hard so get as much help from others so that you can focus on kids. Then when in laws come ask your husband to look after them or get some nannies help.

Leaving job is definitely a very poor decision right now. Don’t get swayed by any traps of guilt ride. Good luck.

 

Other ladies has given many suggestions on why you should not quit. I agree with them.
Why your dh think taking care of kids and their education is your responsibility. Why cant he quit his job, take care of his kids and parents. Why only you have to sacrifice? If your dh can be selfish why not you. Why don't he also spend some time with kids. I feel that men can manage boys better. Both of you can equally take the responsibility and spend time with them. Even if you stay home, kids will come back from school only in the evening. You will be tired too if you stay home. Will your dh take 100% financial responsibility if you stay home. If you feel later that quitting job is not working well, will he allow you to go back to work again. Dont feel later that its a trap.

I feel that your dh is using this reason so that you will be in home serving his parents full time.

Is it possible to take a few weeks leave and see how its going with your DS. Then your dh can take leave and share responsibility.

Taking care of yourself is important. If you are not healthy and happy, how can you take care of others. I believe its not selfish not to quit your job. I remember your post on dh's demand for food that match with his interest. Are you ready to be a full time servant, nanny and caretaker? If not, quitting job is not a good idea. Try to find ways to spend time with your kids as much as you can .Use weekends too.

If you don't have any other option, try for a part time job or change to a job that allows you spend more time with your kids. Its important to have a job to maintain sanity in your case. Get a new job and then quit the current one if its too demanding.


This is my opinion. But choice is yours. Take a decision that is best for you.

 

Hugs, mommy! I feel the exact same mother's guilt every single day. And here is what I tell myself - a happy mother has more to give to her children.

If you're mentally and physically exhausted with extra housekeeping chores for kids/in-laws - then the same few hours with and for your kids - the quality of your interaction with the kids may suffer.

This is what you said you want to be able to do:
"I would love to maintain my house nicely, cook healthy food, workout, study with kids, etc . "

This is what I would ask myself:
Every day when the in-laws are there at home will you be able to leave the home and reserve slots of the day for yourself - say gym from 9am to 10am and then say 2pm to 5pm to the local library for personal development, prep for kid's school work, or just some fun for yourself? And in between 10am to 2pm is any home chores *you* would like to do, and maybe chit-chat with the in-laws for some time.

Based on this...
"I have also been the primary parent for kids and managed all the household tasks with minimal input from DH. Its been very stressful and my health has suffered a lot. "

I feel like your health suffering should be your main target for now (and may also be why you are yearning for a lifestyle change). Could you maybe try to analyze that even with a full-time nanny why your life is still so stressful? Do you need more help in the evenings or someone else more skilled to whom you can delegate more of your tasks ?

If husband earns 5 times your salary, maybe this is a possibility:
I have seen there are these nannies who are called "governess" - who are more expensive but quite skilled - at keeping a household smooth - from synching the couple's calendars to planning a weekend vacation for the family. If husband and you are doing the hard-work outside home - don't feel guilty about investing money where you need it.

If you're able to go part-time - please announce to the world, that you need to work on your high-stress levels and are hence moving from 8 hour days to 6 hours and need to spend two hours every day at a meditation center/yoga class/art class ("just as the doc ordered") - or whatever rocks your boat. Or get a family membership at the local YMCA - take kids early from after school and soak in their indoor swimming pool together before getting home. What I am trying to say is that - please don't come home 2 hours early - "time" at home has the natural ability to fill itself with "chores". ;-) Good luck!