Mil

I salute this girl for her advice..i have read few other posts of hers..so matured advices!

 

I would like to share my experience here.
From a very independent young girl to a very fragile & depressed young mom to a very very independent woman (mom).
I know how hard this phase called marriage in every person's life.

I have no words to explain what my MIL was. She was evil, she was cunning, she was cruel, she was everything.
She made sure that I get completely detached from her son, become a looser, and stay away from their family because of the mistake I committed by marrying her son. It was a love marriage, and an inter-religious love marriage.
Because of her, I decided to end my life foolishly.
Because of that poor decision, my health got deteriorated and its consequences lasted for few years.
I had lost those initial marital bliss with my H, and those initial blessings of motherhood with my firstborn.
I don't even remember how I felt about my first pregnancy or delivery. It was a deleted dark page in my life!!!

My MIL is still the same woman. I have no option to stay away from her unless I truly detach from my H as she wanted.
She is my neighbor, and she is very much a part of our family till now.
My H is her son - her first born. And my children are her only grand children.
Do you think, I do have any escape from this evil in my life?

But my life is not that fragile anymore. I have become so independent that my MIL will think twice before uttering any word in front of me.
Sometimes, I laugh at myself knowing how much she pretends to be good and nice with me.

You can't change your MIL. But you can change the way how you respond to her negativity.
Your independence, and self dependence is the key, that makes you stronger before your enemy.
I've changed my tone, my body language, my style, and my behavior in front of my MIL to tell her that I am not a weak victim anymore.
But I remain as the same humble, soft spoken woman to the world.

It is a matter of making your husband understand the fact that his mom can be evil.
It is not easy, but not impossible.
I give more work to my brain than my heart when I discuss such issues with my H.
It has to be evidence based all the time.
In my case, a video clip, an audio clip, a witness from his family, and plenty of gossip hearers in our circle at various intervals helped me to make my husband see through this problem.
He has got no reason to brush it off. But accepted the seriousness of the problem, and decided to be on my side.

I didn't expect him to fight with his mom and create another drama on this.
But I expected him to take my side each time she stages a drama
Since that point onwards, he took care of whatever the consequences his mom created in our life.
That gave me the fullest freedom to do what I wanted to do to safeguard my life and that of my family.
It didn't take long for my MIL to understand the fact that we are one team (me+H+kids), and she is an outsider in our home/life.

Now that, it was her choice (a well informed choice) to make us happy to get back that happiness and relationship.

Her focus has changed to her other DIL, who is yet to form a strong bond with her H even after 5+ years.