Mil ?!?!?!?

Ur mil is depressed or sad now . does shw watch tv programs. Hope she diverts her mind in something that makes her happy like watching good programs in tv or YouTube , reading stuffs that interests her .

 

Hope she is happy with all this. She has to stop thinking of her past . but her age is such that she won't like us advising.

 

Dear OP,
This is a tough time for the whole family. Please dont pay attention to her mindless and hurtful talks. Let her talk whatever she wants. Instead of agreeing or consoling her, you just nod to all her talks. Maybe she just need a listening ear.Act like you are listening but at the same time don't take it to heart. I know it is not easy.. Hugs to you dear... This too shall pass..

 

I think that she is clinically depressed and may actually need counseling. She is currently, very unhappy, unmotivated to feed herself, unrooted with only a phone connecting her to people. This is tough even for people who have their spouses with them.
In India, there are specific processes to help a person mourn, but it's not possible to replicate that in a foreign country.
You may not have much power to take her for counseling, but definitely bring this up with your husband. There are counselors who are willing to communicate via skype and FaceTime.

 

If she is like this now, I mean after the death of your FIL, then she may be clinically depressed.
Almost all these symptoms clearly says that she needs urgent medical attention.
Not just mourning or sharing her sadness helps. No amount of empathy or sympathy can cure a clinically depressed patient, unless he/she sees a professional.
So, discuss this with your H, and do the needful. Her willingness shouldn't be mattered here. Because, she is anyway not in a right position to give her consent here.
Sometimes, we should treat them like kids. Remember, how we take our toddlers for vaccination.
Of course by force, and against their willingness.. but the intention is good. This is very similar to that.

However, if your MIL is like this forever, then there is no point of wondering about depression. Perhaps, she has become too negative with this new marital status.
Some very negative, moody and problematic people do exist. It is our fate, that we happen to be their relatives.

In this case, it is best to ignore them.
As long as she is able bodied, and she has access to all the needful facilities, then let her be.
Don't bother about her lunch and dinner. Don't bother whether she is happy or not. Don't bother whether she thinks high about you or not.
Just cook for her like how you would cook for the rest of your family.
Give access to those magazines and TV shows if possible.
Let her be free to chose what to watch, whom to interact with, etc.. and always be helpful whenever she is in need.
The rest should be left at that....
Since your H is in your side, you don't have to bother much about this negative/depressed person much.
Just accept her , and move on

 

Op,your mil has been like this for ever.
It is time you started treating her like a normal family member.
Stop catering to her needs 24/7.Stop making her the centre of your life. Don't stop your normal routine to cater to unreasonable expectations.
Give her the tools and let her work on her life .

 

@DKI, It is odd, her behaviour. Not just after your FIL passed away but even from before. He interactions with your FIl, your DH and her grandson, all.

Just sharing - An acquaintance realised his mom was on high functioning Autism spectrum range. She was working woman too. All thru child hood and even as a young man, he felt his mom was different, he told he couldnt feel her love, she was so different. He missed that affection and he is pissed off at her. He is an independent person, and move away as soon as he got scholarships to study overseas. It was after his nephew was diagnosed as autistic and seeing his nephew's behaviour, interacting with him, he realised his mum was at emotional levels quite like him. And slowly her actions, her coldness started to make sense to him. he still cant forgive her, but he knows she cant help it.

Just a line of thought...