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How To Say 'no' Politely?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anivijay, Jun 12, 2017.

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  1. Jun 13, 2017 #31
    anivijay

    anivijay Gold IL'ite

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    Anupama, In all these years only once I sent my son to a friend's house for 2 hours as no daycare available that day and we both had meeting in morning. But I asked him and his wife many times they have any problem. . I invited them for dinner to show my gratitude.. I thought its nice for families to help each other when we have no relatives here...thats the reason I gone into this problem.

    But this guy's attitude is totally different. He never got anything for my children. But I get something like biscuits / chocolates/ chips to that girl everyday to give her after school. She doesn't eat fruits as my children.. somedays she would bring something in a box and eat without sharing . All dramas going on...From the beginning I didn't give her dinner(except 2,3 times ).. we would have dinner once they left. He mentioned one day , she didn't eat dinner at their home as its very late. ..Dont know whether its hint that I should give dinner as well.
     
    anivijay, Jun 13, 2017
    anivijay, Jun 13, 2017
    #31
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  2. Jun 13, 2017 #32
    Umanga

    Umanga Gold IL'ite

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    Indians rely too much on each other. Can't blame them because they grow up with lots of relatives, joint families et cetera. There is always somebody to help out. But, as situations change so should our approach. Become Western and self-sufficient. That is the only way to survive. Please cut-off relations with this couple completely.
     
    Umanga, Jun 13, 2017
    Umanga, Jun 13, 2017
    #32
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  3. Jun 13, 2017 #33
    Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    Please do not feel guilty for not picking hints from his talks. I am surprised how that man has totally dumped the responsibility of the kids on you.

    When you first offered to pick up and watch his children, please recall the exact words that you said to him. Also, did you specifically mention to him that its for N number of days or weeks or if you offered to watch his kids until his wife returns from India? You dont have to write the answer here. Its just to help you figure out how it all started and if he assumed that you were ok with taking care of the kids forever. He definitely seems to be a shameless leech. He probably is trying to save money by not looking for paid daycare centres for the kids and even worse, pay for airtickets to drop the kids off in India with his wife.

    You are being too nice to him by trying to tell him in a proper manner. And you are expecting him to get something for you or your kids in return. Do not get into this business. I am sure if he gets a pack of chips or candy, he would expect you to watch his kids for a few more weeks or months.

    Tell him on his face that you just learnt hpw strict the rules in the US are. And if he intends to make any alternate arrangements. Provide him with contact information of day care centres and nannies in your area, if you can. How long has he been living in the US? Have they moved to your place recently? Have they lived in other places in the US before moving to your city?
    Be a Roman when in Rome. My sincere advice would be to Follow the rules of the land.
     
    Elsa, Jun 13, 2017
    Elsa, Jun 13, 2017
    #33
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  4. Jun 13, 2017 #34
    anivijay

    anivijay Gold IL'ite

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    No Elsa. I dont expect anything from him. The point is he never buy anything not even for courtesy and I am the one spending for his DD on top of being a childminder. But he said his DD went to sleep feeling hungry, trying to make me feel guilty. .which annoyed me..
     
    anivijay, Jun 13, 2017
    anivijay, Jun 13, 2017
    #34
  5. Jun 13, 2017 #35
    Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    Its very obvious from the very fact that he has no courtesy, shame nor sense when he has dumpd his children on you. Why are you spending money on his kids? And why are you feeling guilty when he said that his kid has not eaten her dinner? Please do not. He is taking advantage of you.
     
    Elsa, Jun 13, 2017
    Elsa, Jun 13, 2017
    #35
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  6. Jun 14, 2017 #36
    Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    op..stop beating around the bush and coming up with excuses to him. You don't owe him any details.

    Just tell him directly "I will not be able to take care of your child, please make other arrangements". The worst that can happen is they will unfriend u on fb & stop talking to you...its better not to have friends like this anywaz.

    I don't know why indians play "I am really a nice person even if that kills me". get out of it op..not worth it
     
    Jazmine83, Jun 14, 2017
    Jazmine83, Jun 14, 2017
    #36
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  7. Jun 14, 2017 #37
    DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP, if you cannot say no in person send him a message that you will not be picking his DD anymore and he has to make alternative arrangement.. No need to give any explanation
     
    DDream, Jun 14, 2017
    DDream, Jun 14, 2017
    #37
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  8. Jun 16, 2017 #38
    anivijay

    anivijay Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for all your suggestions. Told him l got a job and cant babysit anymore and he has to make alternate arrangements. He said his company is flexible and dont mind if he leaves early. Really dont understand why he troubled us in that case.

    Day before yesterday that girl didn't come as I told them we had classes. But night 7.30 she knocked the door. This guy said he had to go for grocery shopping and dropped her at home and picked her up at 8.45. When I am staying alone this guy didn't even have courtesy to call me and ask permission before coming. Why couldn't they respect other's privacy? If he repeats again I àm going to be harsh..

    Thanks
    Anitha
     
    anivijay, Jun 16, 2017
    anivijay, Jun 16, 2017
    #38
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  9. Jun 16, 2017 #39
    BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Wow, shameless. Please be harsh, because there is no way this guy is going to get it.

    I feel bad for the kid, but it's his responsibility to take care of her, and you have no interaction with the mom. I can't believe there are people like this in the world.
     
    BhumiBabe, Jun 16, 2017
    BhumiBabe, Jun 16, 2017
    #39
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  10. Jun 16, 2017 #40
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    why is the mom not coming back???
     
    Sunshine04, Jun 16, 2017
    Sunshine04, Jun 16, 2017
    #40
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