To Divorce Or Not To..

You are contradicting here, or may be I have misunderstood.

You said that your H is an awesome guy, a great dad and an excellent husband material except for the fact that he could not perform well in the bed.
According to you, he may have problems or even asexual, but he says stress as a reason behind this.
It is not that there is no sex at all. You have a kid in this marriage.
It is that there is no spark, no passion about sex, your H doesn't know how to approach a woman.
It is already 8 years into this marriage, and I am not sure how many of others could tell about passion and the erotic way of sex life after having kids and stress in their lives. For some, sex has become a work and it is ok when both parties have the same physical and mental condition.
In that case, you may do something to bring back the spark by going on a vacation, a special date, romantic night, sexy cloths etc..etc...
For some, sex would return as they approach 40s, when there is a sense of settlement. But for sure, everyone faces a downtime in this subject, and it needs a lot of work to bring the spark back.

It may seem normal for some, but for those who have high drive it is a problem. It is like starving a hungry soul. It is a crime. If your H is careless about your sexual needs, and he doesn't do anything about it, then I wouldn't call him an awesome husband.
It is his fault at the first place. I am not blaming his inability or sexual orientation (if he is asexual). I am blaming his irresponsibility as a husband for you.

On the other hand, things have taken an ugly turn now. You have found Man2, and the secret affair is now open in the house, so there is nothing that you could do to prevent this.
Your husband's name calling, physical abuse, etc..etc... speaks volumes about his nature, and it contradicts with his awesomeness.

You are working, and have some financial independence.
Move out of this toxic marriage when you feel you are done. No one can stop you from doing it.

Now, think about the next.... How do you feel about having to live separately of your child?
Can you peacefully enjoy sex or any kind of romance by leaving your son alone, and knowing that he would be unhappy without mom?
Can you enjoy the sexual fun with man2 with this heavy guilt feeling?
Even if you can, would you think Man2 and his side of the people would think appreciative of you, for walking out of a sexless marriage, and leaving a young kid to explore the sexual fun of life?
Of course it is your right, and you can do it legally and no one can stop you from doing it.
But would you be happy as you dream it when that happens in reality?

One of my mom's neighbor did this a long time back.
She left her husband (and we understood that it was a sexless marriage after several decades only. For the rest of the world, she left a very caring and great husband/dad) and eloped with a married man, as she found love and sexual happiness with him. This married man was none other than a good friend of her husband.
She left her 5 year old DD while eloping with him.

The married man's wife immediately divorced him; thus he too left his family of 2 kids to live with this woman.

They both started their marriage with the cursing of all the parties concerned. Her husband died within few months in an accident and everyone says it is because of his high stress due to the shame she caused.
The kid became an orphan, and taken cared by her aunt along with her kids. She was generally abused and blamed for her mom's irresponsibility. So, she developed so much hatred on her mom as she grew up.

This new couple faced all the problems from finding jobs, looking for rental house, facing community, etc..etc... from the time they have outgrowing those initial sexual bliss. Since then life has become a mess for both of them.
The guilt, the social humiliation, the general problems that any marriage would have to face etc.,.etc,,. made them a less romantic, rather incompatible couple throughout.
Now that the man died, and the woman became a widow at the not so old age. They have a kiddo, who has no respect for both the parents for whatever the reason.

Her first child got married recently, and she never wanted to meet her mom though they lived in the same city.

So, this is the reality.

Once again, I am judging about divorce or walking out in a marriage like yours. If I were you, I would have done the same too.
But the difference is, I would have take my kid with me, and placed him before everything whenever I make a decision concerning to both of our lives.
I wouldn't be just following man2, that too by leaving the kid behind because of the sexual pleasure he could give me.
Even though this man2 is a greek God, I can't enjoy anything with him in bed when my mind is with my kid elsewhere.

Think about this....

 

Dear OP,

Do you really want to go for divorce?

I agree sex is important part in every marriage.

If you look at the positive side - you said he is an excellent husband and good father to your son. Also it's not like that he is a complete failure in sex, you are having sex once in a while. This means the solution is not divorce, because it's not a completely sexless marriage. He need help and support. Are you sure, you will completely enjoy your sexual life if you take divorce and go for another marriage? What if that guy is okay initially and fails in future? Again divorce? What if that guy is good in sex, but fails as a good husband and good father?

I feel the solution to your problem is not divorce. If any part of our body pains, we do not cut and separate that part from our body, rather we try to cure it and keep it healthy.

Your marriage is in bit trouble, so you need to cure it and keep it healthy instead of going for cutting the relation.

In my opinion your problem has following solutions - 1. You need to take your DH to a good doctor and get him take the counselling.
2. Make him take the medication if doctor prescribes any.
3. Your DH need a break. Once in a while you both need to go for a holiday and spend some good time together.
4. Try to be nice with him, be more affectionate and give him surprises by giving some gifts and cooking his favorite food.

May be he is stressed because of a routine life.

Just like our vehicles, even relations need servicing once in a while to keep it in good healthy condition.

 

Sruthi, mind it, sex alone is not life!

one son, polite loving caring hubby, good family members, lovable and peaceful in laws, good parents, peaceful life! all these people u r ready to mis and they are not going to be in ur life anymore.

Sruthi if sex is the only problem, i bet u, you can change ur hubby hard and rough as like what u expect on bed. but the " solid reason" means, u already falling out for someone else. thats absolute stupidity, what if that second life brings u hurt, pain, quarells, and more negatives in ur life? if u want sex, y do u look for 2nd marriage?

And more than that, a woman knows how sexy sud be at home, when u and ur hubby alone at home, no one needs to teach u to seduce ur hubby by wearing low necks, low hip sarees, leggings, and much much much more there for seduction and making a man to arouse.
Try some good ayurvedha (natural medicine) doctors, never go for alopathy, u ll loose.

 

Is this a troll ? I wonder.
As a mother, your kid should be your first preference. Nothing else. Everyone sacrifice/adjust lot of things in their life for their kids. But you... think about yourself only

 

OP, your last reply made me think that way(#155). Sorry if you felt that it is sarcasm. It is a forum and be open to others comments, otherwise don't post. You already got enough suggestions I think. I cannot imagine doing anything that hurt my parents and kid, I don't worry about society. An intelligent women would have faced this situation with more maturity. In that case your parents also would have been with you. Are you sure that Man2 will marry you and his family accepts you. Is he ready to wait for you and give you enough time. If you think separation is the best option, do that ... but give your child enough time. He will be the one most affected by what ever action you take. Don't take any immature decision when you are so depressed and stressed out. It will be always wrong. You need to calm down.. think about it..give enough time. Good luck.

 

Well, I wrote something on this post thinking this is a genuine post, where OP needs some help from Indus ladies. But after reading rest of the posts, I do not want to suggest anything. I understand that I cannot delete my post.

 

OP, The unknown here is how man2 turns out and how your decision will impact your child. Rest of us feel Man2 is no good but you feel otherwise. Many ilites have told you why they suspect Man2's intentions but you seem to ignore all that. Could you tell us why you think Man2 is genuine?

Give a heck to society, they are anyways not there for you when you are struggling with Man1.