I was like you until very recently. Very very much attached to my career. I have a reason to this. My career alone gave me a special identity, wealth, support, courage, friends, and loads of self confidence to make me as a person who I am today. I was very different, naive, and lacked self esteem before I joined here. This career was my passion, so I really really loved it. The time spent at office used to be the most productive and happiest time ever. But gone are those happy days. Now that, I have become a mom of 2 naughty little kids. My life has change to 360 degrees, and my passion and love towards my career remains only within my heart. Having said this, I see your problems in 2 ways. First of all your attachment to the career, which is not wrong. But your insecurities and personality issues which disturbs your career life. It is very healthy to want a career growth. Work for it. Since you know what is behind your failures, you can easily work it up. If your problem is lack of self esteem or insecurity or naiveness etc... find out the root cause. Which may be related to your second problem. That is the dysfunctional family life. Why are you living in a platonic relationship with your H? Why do you say that you will not have kids in the future? Is it your decision? Why do you have other problems around you? Seek answers to these questions to solve these problems. This will help you to grow confident as a matured person. At that point, your priorities may change. With your passion in the preferred career, I am sure you can reach heights, and sky is your limit. Just that work on towards the personal problems first.
With your passion in the preferred career, I am sure you can reach heights, and sky is your limit. Just that work on towards the personal problems first.[/QUOTE] Thanks for the advice sgbv . My self esteem issues are due to childhood issues where I felt neglected by parents and they were disciplinarians , I never felt loved or accepted. There are hundreds of books on how to gain self esteem, but I am still searching and trying to gain that self belief . Because all my other problems relationship and career are related to that low self esteem . It's a vicious cycle , chicken and egg story kind. Because I am trying to gain self esteem through career, but not getting that because I lack confidence . I am just trying to find that light at the end of tunnel.
Agree with above reply..during past work experience I was too dedicated.. Points 1 and 2 were absolutely right in my case.. I developed headaches and would fall sick often due to not taking nutritious meals on time..also suffered from depression. Did not get time for any one or any personal work or household work..was always tired and in a daze. All this dedication did not do me any good in terms of career development as well.
I would suggest intentionally take a break...may be even a day or half a day....do something you like to do other than office work, may be listening to music, reading, window shopping.....if possible with a friend or by yourself...it will surely help...in the long run yoga and pranayam does help a lot....you will feel fresh and positive... Also do read motivational books which will help you career wise and personally. Monk who sold his ferrari and The greatness guide are 2 of Robin Sharma's books which i have read and are awesome. Positive affirmations daily too help
You know, I was similar somewhat couple years back. Loved my career/work/job without wanting results/promotion. Did not think much about kids even when I was running out of time and parents were pressurizing. Now I have a bful girl that changed me all. I do not have job and after really good experience and career, I lost my job and could not find new with good background. But I feel different and not insecure. I know tensions/stresses will never leave a person but I do not worry much at the moment after I saw single bread winner people or much much older people fighting for jobs. I am not suggesting you anything here. It could be a phase and will pass with age, maturity
There are three types of obsessions involving career: 1. Genuine financial need. 2. Genuine passion for work. 3. Need to prove one's worth to someone I am not saying below applies to you but maybe it does to many women who are constantly having to prove themselves at work and at home. * Looks like you fall under #3. It will go away on its own when life circumstances change. I went through the same phase. A much longer time spanning years - too big to call a phase. Being a girl child with average looks and brains, felt under-recognized and under-appreciated by family, both mine and in-laws. * Employers are pretty psychological-savvy (at least here in the U.S.) and they are quick to spot why someone like me is like an energizer bunny trying to always prove something to someone, always trying to over-achieve and over-excel, even at the simplest of tasks. Of course, the inevitable consequence is that they exploit that to their business advantage. Then with age, awareness, perception, and maturity, reality hit me full force. * I began asking myself questions. Why am I working 20 hour days, 7 days a week? There are new hires half as experienced as me getting more money than me and working barely 40 hours a week taking vacations right and left and enjoying same if not more privileges than me. Everything seemed to come so easily to them, things I had to work for and prove for years. Add a layer of a colored minority in U.S., the problems just quadruple. When i was resigning, i even came to know my replacements were paid higher salaries. * I began observing things around me in my personal life. Did anything change? Is my family treating me with more respect and acknowledging my successes or am I still the same average looking average brained underachiever unwanted girl child? Are my in-laws proud of me and seeking my input or advice in matters where I am supposedly excellent as it is directly in line with my career? I had to hear the wrong answer over and over in my head - nothing had changed. No one really seemed to care. * Final result: No one gives a damn. Not employers. Not families. So why should I slowly burn myself out at both ends like a candle to prove something to someone. And it all stopped. I am now working a simple small job earning little money working 40 hours a week. I make sure I have time for myself, to do the things I want to do. I don't talk about my work to anyone. No one cared when I made it big, why should anyone care now that I am an ordinary person. Does the world think by taking a step down I am failure? Let them think - so be it. I am more at peace, no work stress, no long hours, no running around management and letting them exploit my insecurities.
Thanks for the recco . I have a read about a quarter of monk who sold his Ferrari, guess it's time to finish rest of the book!
Thanks for sharing , this sounds exactly like my situation . 100 percent it's true and I know no one cares a damn . But for me it's more about affirming to myself that I am good enough . that fire inside is just not dying down, it's consuming me . I am normally not a jealous and insecure person with anything . But at work when I am seeing someone get better opurtunities better pay it's like a knife is going through me. When I see my boss favouring my co worker over me, I feel gutted . I can spend whole nights worrying about trivial slights at work. I just want to put a stop to this mindset. Thanks for all the helpful suggestions everyone has given.
