Cant Trust Husband Anymore

My sons bday is on mid Oct and i will ensure that its celebrated outside and not at home. Even if ILS come ( which i doubt ) I will ensure that husband and ILS are not aware where it is

Why so much drama??Clearly things are not going well between both of you then go for legal separation, otherwise suck it up and be a bigger person in the relation and give it in.Your husband can also do same thing right,can take kids with him and celebrate wherever he wants right. What is all about son here? This is about you and your marriage and don't use your son in between and don't play with his life.When you family not happy what is the point for taking son and celebrating his birthday? Does even he knows that? He would be very happy if both the parents are happy and taking care of him. Your In-laws and husband did mistake and you do something else and they do something and the whole cycle continuous. Either stop the cycle or if you don't have that kind of personality then break the marriage.No point of going in cycles.

 

Most men have huge egos. They will never apologise for hurting u.
He has initiated reconciliation with you after a break, even though his family is against you(prompting to divorce you).that means he wants you but won't change.
He's botched it by not informing you about ils arrival, blatantly took parents side etc.
Honey, both of you should forgive (mostly you)each other and start fresh, if u want this marriage.
How is his equation with your son? Is he talking to you now?

 

tooo much of thinking ...and spoiling ur relation... add life to days.. dont ruin it by thinking much.. Y dont u go voluntarly help ur MIL asking wat she needs.... as a elder u could do it ur mom , dad eventhough they scold sometimes...y dont u pretend being nice... see clap doesnt happen with 1 hand

 

We must learn to trust again. We must talk and work on relationships.

 

Dear Priyanka

Many of us have given you enough advice to proceed with this problematic marriage of yours.

Clearly both yourself and your husband are at fault. Your in laws and others are adding fuel to the fire.
You both seem very adamant and stubborn. But apparently you emotionally fallen for your husband for no valid reason.
That's why despite of all the issues and nonsense, you are still trying to hold this marriage.
You fake it as social taboo or kid's future. But I am sure that is not the reason.
This is high time for you to introspect your self.

Your husband obviously doesn't initiate the divorce due to the fear of his legal responsibilities afterwards. He is just faking a marriage for the social comforts, and doing absolutely nothing to keep that marriage alive. He lives selfishly, and more so he is doing everything for his folks. He is happy that way.
But knowing this, you are constantly allowing him to use your life, and that of your son.

You have only 2 options here.

Forget the past... Accept the fact that your in laws are trouble makers, but they are your husband's parents. So you can't completely cut them off from your marriage, specially from your son's life.
So, it is inevitable that you get to meet in laws more often, and allow your son to mingle with them.
Definitely they will continue to visit your house no matter whereever you go. As long as you are married to this man, his parents are your extended family.
Your son will have to celebrate his birthdays with his grand parents.
There will be so many other festivals too. And your in laws will pop up or your husband will expect you guys to visit there down the line.
If that is all agreeable to you, then you chose to stay in this marriage.

Staying in a marriage is not something like living under the same roof like strangers. It is also not something like keeping all the grudges of the past, and fighting like cats and rats.
It is like having compassion for each other, loving, forgiving and understanding.

It is true that we fight for minor things and have hard time in understanding our spouse during the initial times. But things are different after kids are born. We tend to have more patience and acceptance towards everything, including our life partners behaviors too.
Understanding makes a huge difference here.
When we try to understand with love, it is even better.
That's how we tolerate each other beyond all these minor problems.

Whatever the problems you have mentioned here are all happened in our lives too. But on the various degrees.
We pick our battles and hopefully win where we needed a victory.

Who comes to the birthday party, whose place to visit during rackshabandan, whom to call on skype etc..etc.. are simple battles that you give your fullest attention, while loosing major battle called marriage.

If you are really an impatient person to handle a typical indian wedding (with such added spices), I suggest you to divorce. That's better.

Since you are the one looking for our advice here, I suggest you to try to become the bigger person.
One has to bell the cat. Your prolonged fight as to who bells the cat will affect your child.

What if your husband is stubborn? Why can't you be the bigger person and give it a try?

Allowing him in the bed or giving him coffee are no big deals. They are just wife's roles. You can't expect anything in return for this.
If at all you want to be the bigger person in your marriage, learn to ignore simple problems such as ILs visits, invitation to B'day, son's visit to them, calls etc..
Learn to accept these things and digest them as a matter of life.

The cease-fire from your end will definitely stop the war between you guys, even though it won't change the problem.
Once the situation is calm, you may take some initiatives to make it better. Life is a journey, not a destination.

PS: You are making, rather forcing your son towards a very unpleasant life by your anger, grudges and fights with in laws/H.
You are influencing him to hate his dad and his paternal side relatives.
This way, you are making him a fatherless kid while he is already living with his dad.

He will be peaceful and happy if he lives either of his parents rather than living in this hell, called home.

Don't try to fool him by giving a fake pleasure by hosting parties or celebrations. Kids need more meaningful life than this.

Many of us have tolerated, rather forgave our in laws just for the sake of happy marriage with the intention of giving a peaceful childhood for the kids.
It doesn't mean we let anyone, leave alone in laws to spoil our life or peace ever again. Life is all about growing mature with acceptance.

 

Aren't you turning out to be a meek little daughter in law? Sly, very sly. This would be the beginning of the downfall.

You know, you aren't actually in the right. You are equally guilty of the mess you are in. You have guests at home (unwanted guests, arguably), but you let your ego rule over and ended up insulting and hurting their feelings in not so subtle ways. I hope you feel proud of yourself. I agree that their reactions weren't saintly either, but you might want to stop playing the victim.

Secondly, sex is not a tool for bartering. Do it if you like it. Do not wield it as some kind of heavenly power.
Seriously, this is getting old.