I Am Tired Of This Marriage

friendlygirl · Sep 17, 2016

Hi wonderful ladies

I am writing this with so much stress, frustration and sadness. I thought I married a reasonable guy but as I live with him (11 years) I realize I am growing far apart. It is not the big things that is causing this but the day to day stuff. He is married to his career, hardly spends time with me. I tried to tell him but he thinks he is doing nothing wrong. We have a three year old and just because he wants to prove he does things at home, he takes care of him and he will lose his cool right away claiming he didn't behave... of course he won't behave he is freaking three year old. He is hardly been good in bed...i accepted it because at least it was frequent but now we hardly do anything and even if we do, it is just me doing all the job ( if you know what I mean) . Women need it too and I enjoy it... And i don't get it. There I said it. I am an only child and I couldn't share this with anyone.

He is short tempered , moody, lazy.
We are trying to conceive second child through ivf because I want to have two kids. It is stressful....

I am depressed and thoughts like running away from marriage comes.

But since my husband is basically a nice guy, who cares for me and stood by me through rough times I can't do anything stupid... but I want to have some fun in life. I feel like fun is sucked out of my life.

I am not sure what to do.

My only saving grace is my son.

Please write some good words for me.

Rise · Sep 17, 2016

Can you plan a getaway vacation with family? Away from work and home?

guesshoo · Sep 17, 2016

Marriage counselling could help.

3 year olds can certainly behave but it is up to the parents to bring out the behaviour. Share with you husband a lot of parenting articles so he understands how to deal with a 3 year old.

sanskruthi · Sep 17, 2016

Don't do something which you may regret later. regarding your 3 year old, it is already termed as terrible threes. They have lot of energy and want to explore everything. Sit with your husband and plan how to channelize that energy towards learning. Plan some together time with your husband and child. you may feel rejuvenated. All the best.

Iamagoodgirl · Sep 17, 2016

I think its your hormones.Just carry on.Try to involve yourself in hobby like reading or gardening.That will make you feel better.

stilldeshi · Sep 17, 2016

Nothing is wrong with you, you just need a break.

SudhaSai · Sep 17, 2016

With a teenage daughter now, your email reminded me of those days when she was that age.
I would only suggest to put yourselves in your husband's shoes. May be he is also equally frustrated that is affecting his participation.
May be he is also expecting the same kind of support and understanding from you.
This is a temporary phase of life and can be overcome by a little positive thinking and gratitude for the good things you have in your life.
If you are happy and contended, for sure the 2nd pregnancy will be successful.

Suparni · Sep 17, 2016

friendlygirl said: ↑

Hi wonderful ladies

I am writing this with so much stress, frustration and sadness. I thought I married a reasonable guy but as I live with him (11 years) I realize I am growing far apart. It is not the big things that is causing this but the day to day stuff. He is married to his career, hardly spends time with me. I tried to tell him but he thinks he is doing nothing wrong. We have a three year old and just because he wants to prove he does things at home, he takes care of him and he will lose his cool right away claiming he didn't behave... of course he won't behave he is freaking three year old. He is hardly been good in bed...i accepted it because at least it was frequent but now we hardly do anything and even if we do, it is just me doing all the job ( if you know what I mean) . Women need it too and I enjoy it... And i don't get it. There I said it. I am an only child and I couldn't share this with anyone.

He is short tempered , moody, lazy.
We are trying to conceive second child through ivf because I want to have two kids. It is stressful....

I am depressed and thoughts like running away from marriage comes.

But since my husband is basically a nice guy, who cares for me and stood by me through rough times I can't do anything stupid... but I want to have some fun in life. I feel like fun is sucked out of my life.

I am not sure what to do.

My only saving grace is my son.

Please write some good words for me.
Click to expand...

Think positive things about your married life......when you say that he has been a good guy who cares for me and stood by me through rough times........The initial attraction in any marriage reduces its intensity over the years.........

Introspect and think about what exactly made you bond better in the past.......any nostalgic memories of having gone to a place, any weekend getaway which made you happier...........Try to plan for something to be done together in the same way........acknowledge the importance of his career time as he likes it......yet be calm and firm in your demands for a break..........

Maybe even plan a surprise for him on his birthday/anniversary.....like candle light dinner or something......Personally I have planned surprises for my husband......Even my mother advises me that men should be on the pampering side......But I think otherwise..........

If you remind yourself that he is short tempered or feel bad about having to take initiative in physical relationship, then you will definitely feel low..........instead focus on brighter side of things and try improving that.........

friendlygirl · Sep 17, 2016

Thank you all for your wonderful replies!

but the problem is that i just dont like him anymore...he is very lazy, expects appreciated for every single thing, no logical reasoning works with him, he is obsessed about his career.....always whines nothing good comes out of his mouth.
and this is not what i wanted marriage to be.
i am brining my kid up like a single mother.

which makes me hate being in this marriage.
i will take your suggestions and give it a shot again.

yellowmango · Sep 17, 2016

Op...there are no perfect human being.Have you tried telling him clearly what you want from him in bed?Sometimes men need o be told.
Have you tried marriage counseling ?
Get some help to take care of the 3 year old.Is he going to play school ?
Plan a short vacation.
A second child in this state of mind is not going to help the situation.Wait till you feel better.