Compromising Everything For Marriage - Need Advice

The advice is all about balancing... Working on-site or chasing a career doesn't always mean breaking a marriage. No one has suggested the OP to do this at the cost of her own marriage.
At least I did not suggest her like that. Just to clear myself.

OP is very much upset that she has to lose her career and growth just because she has spent quality time at home for the family. If she is doing it wholeheartedly, she wouldn't feel this way. If she is seeing any positive sides in her family or herself, she wouldn't feel it as a loss.
Instead, she is indeed having a troubled marriage. Her husband does major planning like selling their house and leaving the career without consulting the wife/OP.
He selfishly takes actions, which could affect OP and her kids down the line.
OP feels useless and taken for granted, since she thinks she has lost herself for the family. In return the family failed to give her any recognition.

At this juncture, there is no point of thinking about saving OP's marriage. Now it is important to save OP, save her life and that of her kids from any disaster.
If at all this marriage need to survive, both OP and her spouse need to make some adjustments. It is not purely OP's responsibility, that too at the cost of her own happy life.

Just because you give you heart and soul to your family, doesn't mean you have to lose your own self and your career altogether.
It is all about balancing, and multi-tasking when it comes to maintaining a happy/content family with a lucrative career. Not an easy job. You need ample support either from relatives, paid reliable workers, support system like day care etc.
But it is not impossible. Sheer determination, hard work and some smartness will push you up there.

Focus on your career. It doesn't mean you must stop being a mom or wife at home. Do that equally and in a quality wise. A happy mom is the best mom regardless of how many hours she stays at home for the kids.

True... Initially when kids are very young, you really have to face a lot of hiccups at your career front. This low stage is very much common among many moms who progressed in their career. However, it doesn't stop you growing.
Just that your priorities changed. You can always update your knowledge and be open for any changes.
Once kids are old enough, you really don't need to stay at home all the time. With their School and after school engagements, you can very well balance both work and home with some support.

Because depending on a useless husband by loosing all your capabilities and ambitions to save your marriage is pointless. If you do so, you will lose yourself in frustration. A frustrated mom can never be a great mom no matter how many hrs she stays at home.

Get out of your shells. Chase your dreams, and live by your heart. I am confident that your family and kids are also in your heart anyways.

Fend yourself, get a roof above your head, save for yours and your kids future. Establish your career, have an identity, feel proud about yourself.
Be helpful to others (may be relatives, friends) and expect helps from them as and when they can. This is very important in a career woman's life.

Staying with your husband will not gonna change him at all. With this added frustration, you too won't be doing any good to your family at this end.
Let him be the same for now. But don't forget to do your part by advising, confronting, suggesting things so that he may change for good one day.
Nevertheless, you and your family will be stable if you stand on your own. But if you chose to stay behind this man by loosing all your dreams, I doubt what will you gain after all?

 

Op,
I second the opinion of not loosing your support system in India, that includes not just family but your surroundings like familiarity with location, schools for kids, kids grandparents etc. American Dream for many is just like that - a wishful thinking like madras2018 mentioned.
From my experience,
When life is totally new in a new place, doing multitasking is never smart.
You will need time to get used to new location, school, kids basic and extracurricular education, babies and day cares, driving, shopping for food, handling everything at home on ur own initially without maids, remember everything will cost you $ times more than in India, even if u think ur earning in $.
If u come to USA using consulting company, I will aware u that duration and location of projects change very often, with that you will need to constantly up root ur house, kids schools and their support system. Every move costs $ and good amount of time to settle down. U can't say no for projects based on location because u need to work on client projects to earn salary and pay taxes. If u decide to wait for projects just so u can stay in one location, it might take months for things to finalize from new clients of ur lucky to land a new project in same location.
If u come here and start working with American company on h1b even after working with Indian company for few years, you need to have ur GC started soon. Else the waiting will eat ur 6 years of h1b. Eb3 and eb2 both take their own sweet times for processing.

Besides earning and living American Dream, I would worry about health care and costs if insurance is not up to the mark.
I don't know about ur current company, but many Indian companies have their own wait times for processing h1bs. L1 visa is practically never enough if u have plans to earn in $ and invest it to secure better future for kids. So if want to and can, pls try for h1b.
With all that like madras2018 mentioned, being a one woman household is seriously a very big task. I do not even want to attempt in telling u how hard it is.

Giving stability of home life and balanced attention from both mommy and daddy is what kids need in their formative years. Having father figure makes a lot of difference in disciplining the kids. U can't imagine doing that in USA all by urself. Every family has issues, try to work on urs to your fullest ability. Ur husband has not stopped u from working, kids still see him or know that he is around.
If you get to communicate with him on common goals while maintaining ur current job and giving a little more focus on it by increasing ur skills sets slowly but steadily, you can aim to increase ur family's financial position one goal at a time.
Try online courses that u can take up on weekends. Google ur area of interest and continue learning o keep ur mind occupied. Try freelancing for sometime if ur in IT. Try flex jobs.com
Healthy amibitions get easier to attain with healthy balanced family life. Breaking up what u have already will not take too much time or mind space, patching things up will. But if ur man comes around for the sake of family specially by looking how u dealt with this difficult time, not only him but ur kids will also respect you. Communicate openly but patiently with him. Politics and its dramas might drain him faster than you might think if this is just his personal ambition sans the deep desire to help his community. Many start with good intentions, but most of them get misled by other politicians. Hang in there and stay strong.

For more realistic stories of people wanting to live American Dream, Google on working Indians and their family life in USA or just spend some time on indusladies forums fousing on living in USA. You will get more clarity on it.
My intention is not to confuse u but to nudge you in doing more research both on ur family front and on career front. Also remember the grass always seems Greener on the other side of that onsite.

My mom used to say- career is life long. One designation, one skill, one location or one company will not decide it for u. It's inside u forever. Never let the peer pressure make u think that ur not ambitious enough. You are enough. You have what it takes to succeed. Where u want to and how u want to succeed is dependent on u. All the best and hope you do right by ur kids, urself and marriage.
Love,
Blessings1010

 

You will just have to learn to enjoy life with your two kids. Rejoice every step of the journey. If family life wasn't the way you wanted to go, you should have made that choice earlier.

 

Hard work and smartness can be rewarded with better opportunities, and it doesn't always means on-site opportunities under Indian employers in the changing IT industry. There are so many other places, with some reliable opportunities.
OP definitely needs to polish herself in order to qualify for such better positions. She doesn't have to be in the US for this. She can upgrade her knowledge and competencies even in India, while strengthening both her family and support system.
She doesn't have to give up her US dream just because she is married with kids.

All she needs is some hard-work, if at all she is determined to make her dreams come true. The rest will fall in the right place.