What Category Does This Mil Belong To?

don't give a rat's behind type.. for my own sanity and pride, brain is a convoluted thing and people behave stupid cause they are, i would curb my expectation and sit in living room all day so she does not show her face to me

 

Hi Ria84 I totally know what you are going through. I have a few more to add and then will give you advice so you know you are not alone.

1) Make tea for everyone empty pot, and tell me I don't know what you like in your tea so make it yourself( Been married for 16 years)- DH would offer his tea to me.
2) Make parantha for everyone and turn stove off and say, oh I did not know you wanted to eat. Atta is finished, then I toast two pieces of bread as too much work to make more atta.-Then DH would say you can have half of mine or I am not hungery you have mine. Better, he would say next time that he will get up from table and watch tv and ask me to eat first. Still MIL would still continue to do.
3)Will serve everyone tea and biscuits/mittai in room and go around me.-Then DH would say across room hey you like this biscuit take one.
4) Deliver one plate of dhal and rice and one pappad to our house and fil and mil will strictly say it is for our son only. Son then would toss and make us all something to eat.

This is just small list. This really used to bother me. Great thing was first few years DH did not notice but when I made him aware of it, he began noticing and compensated for it, and so I ignored her. Then I would say actually my mom is going to make me lunch later I will wait, or I have a fridge full of food my mom made me.

Key here hun is not to let it affect you. She is doing it to get a rise out of you - don't let her. I now always go and make my own tea, or bring it, or serve myself before food runs out. Stop the games without showing emotions. She wants you to feel small and don't let her do it. Show her that her tea or food means nothing to you, I sometimes stopped eating all together and this then started bothering her. Then she did opposite and would try to force me to eat.

MIL always closes door on her side so I close mine. They will never care if your sick, please don't expect them to ask. I also stopped asking, I only inquire if there is some major health prob and if it is not then I don't ask. Then when they say she does not ask us, I list out how they did not ask when I had major health problems (tumour) and they never asked or helped on any one small thing. You need to toughen yourself up, and focus on your DH and kids. Stop visiting them and if you do, just ignore their tantrums. You will soon see it makes you stronger and her more mad.

 

Next time they say 'all this is yours' to your grandchildren, tell them politely that your children don't want material things from them. If they mention gold, you could make a comment to your kids that gold is old fashioned and is only for selling nowadays (not keeping).

 

I would say borderline Narcissist..I would do following in similar situations. Many have happened in the past with me so I am adding my experience where MIL got the answer for her narcissism.


1. She gets plates for everyone except dil to place it on dinner table-

2. When everyone sits for dinner, she serves everyone but not her dil.

SAME HERE. I serve FIL,DH and myself before she gets to serving anyone on the dinner table. Men in my house don't notice this and she couldn't complain because she did the same to me in the past. If she complains I put the ball in her court and ask her in front of everyone " Is it ok if I serve you food ?".

3. When Mil opens the door for Dil and grandchildren, she lovingly smiles @her GCs and doesn't smile a bit at (has serious face) her dil even when dil smiles at her.

I JUST IGNORE HER ROYALLY. She expects me to get hurt. Instead I do not give her importance and never wish her when we enter the house.

4. She wants to gets served by dil but wouldn't bother about dil. SAME LIKE ABOVE. I Dont give a DAMN

5. Mil room adjacent to living room. Specially she closes the door of her room when dil present in livingroom(when she wants to open her locker of her Almerah where she has her jewels). She wouldn't do it when her son or husband is present.

GOOD for HER. You do the same for your room. Never ever let her enter it without permission

6. If she is sitting in the living room, when dil comes, she gets up and goes away.

Girl, This is the solution to all your problems. Make sure you go to wherever she is in the house, hopefully she will leave the house. I wish my MIL was like this.

7. Specially during night she closes the door of her room to sleep. It's usually open, sometimes when dil comes to living room she closes the door.

Again, it is better to keep looking away from nasty people. The more she is unseen by you, the better life will be.

8. This fil tells sarcastically his dil that his wife would give her jewellery to dil's daughter and son's wife(granddaughter and Grandsons wife).
9. Fil asks dil's daughter( still a small baby then) who the stuff inside his wife's Almerah belongs to?loudly so that the dil can hear. The Mil then answers to her, to her everything to her meaning her granddaughter (dil's daughter)

Really? FIL is weird. I thought no sane males are interested in bitching and especially jewels bitching. Tell him as long as your kids get what they deserve, you are very happy. By their time comes, your kids anyway won't like worn and old style jewels

10. Dil and son live in first floor and mil fil in ground floor. When son or grandchildren not well, they come to the first floor to see how they are, but when dil not well, they don't bother to come up.
At least Fil asks how are you, but mil doesn't. Its rare she asks.

I like to keep her away when I am not doing well. IT is a headache when MIL is around anyway, so it is better that she stays on the ground floor. I would fall sick more often just to keep her away..

Hope this helps!

 

your mil belongs to NORMAL MILs category, you should worry if she stops doing any of this!

 

LOL, I just came to tell you what category this mil belongs to and found the question already answered by sslkgpaa. When she behaves otherwise, 80% chances (I am being generous with the 20% here), there is some hidden agenda. At least now you know what you are up against. If she suddenly changes and acts sweetly, you will have to wonder what is coming next and when. BTW, how old is your mil?

 

Hi,
My in-laws too behave in the same manner..... I felt very weird initially, but now I'm doing the same thing they does..... Closes the door whenever inlaws passes..... Its all because of their EGO........ When I said this to my mom during my initial marriage days, she simply said " they are afraid of you" , so only they are behaving stupidly.......... So I started to believe that..... So my tension reduces a lot......