1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Catch 22 Situation

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by RamyaSridhar1978, Apr 28, 2016.

  1. Apr 28, 2016 #1
    RamyaSridhar1978

    RamyaSridhar1978 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    277
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all
    I am in a catch 22 situation. My bils sons thread ceremony is scheduled next month it has been preponed due to some unfavorable circumstances. I live in the Uae considering it is still academic session for the kids I have agreed to take a day off for the kids from school to attend the main event which is held on a Thursday. This was formally announced to my mil n bil and they agreed. IT WAS decided by my hubby n me that he will also attend the nandi function before the poonal and the wedding in the family after the poonal all alone. We would join him only for the main event ie poonal on Thursday. But now my mother has brainwashed n emotionally blackmailed my mil n my hubby to force us /convince us to attend all the functions which means my kids will have to miss 3 working days of school. I don't want to do so considering that they will miss considerable portion many new subjects and topics and also a lot of homework. I am afraid they will miss out the basics and the activity based learning environment which is created to teach a the topics and I will not be able to recreate the same environment. The school will not compensate the child's absence I will hv to make them cope up the tons of hw they will have plus the teaching of the concepts. This month my one kid alreasdy missed two working days of school due to ill health so I don't want to keep missing days again next month.
    I also don't want to give an impression to the members back home and to the kids that it's okay to miss school whenever and how much ever required. I feel this taken for granted feeling will snowball in future for other occasions too considering my husbands fly has many girls of marriageable age abd so does my parents family
    I am upset that my mother has interefered in this and caused an imbalance in the relations between all of us over this issue.
    Now what should I do? Should I agree and consider taking 3 days leave missing out on my kids studies or stick to my ground as formerly decided on just attending the main event and coming back as predecided with my hubby he will staying back n attending the other events. Please advise.
    This has turned into a ego and emotionally blackmail issue. FYI my kids are in grade 1.
     
    RamyaSridhar1978, Apr 28, 2016
    RamyaSridhar1978, Apr 28, 2016
    #1
    Loading...

    Similar Threads
    1. SS2007

      A catch-22 situation

      SS2007, Aug 1, 2008, in forum: Relationship With In-Laws
      Replies:
      2
      Views:
      2,358
      rina123_sahu
      Aug 29, 2008
    2. Thyagarajan

      One Catches More Flies With Honey Than With Vinegar

      Thyagarajan, Oct 10, 2021, in forum: Stories (Fiction)
      Replies:
      4
      Views:
      1,684
      Thyagarajan
      Oct 11, 2021
    3. sln

      Catch Me If You Can

      sln, Mar 15, 2019, in forum: Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)
      Replies:
      2
      Views:
      408
      sln
      Mar 15, 2019
  2. Apr 28, 2016 #2
    MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,206
    Likes Received:
    7,026
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Stick to your guns. It is enough for your children to attend the main function. Missing 3 days of school for a thread ceremony is a bit extreme.
     
    MalStrom, Apr 28, 2016
    MalStrom, Apr 28, 2016
    #2
    sindmani, guesshoo and blissofmylife like this.
  3. Apr 28, 2016 #3
    Katakam123

    Katakam123 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    150
    Likes Received:
    65
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    1) Stay with original plan
    2) Warn ur mom on the interference
    3) anyone else to take care ur kid when u r not around ?
     
    Katakam123, Apr 28, 2016
    Katakam123, Apr 28, 2016
    #3
  4. Apr 28, 2016 #4
    RamyaSridhar1978

    RamyaSridhar1978 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    277
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female

     
    RamyaSridhar1978, Apr 28, 2016
    RamyaSridhar1978, Apr 28, 2016
    #4
  5. Apr 28, 2016 #5
    RamyaSridhar1978

    RamyaSridhar1978 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    277
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank-you guys. This is such a sensitive issue I really don't know how to tell my mom to stop interfering in my issues things related to my in laws. I have never seeked any advise or even told her anything about the happenings at my in-laws place thankgod I am abroad to indulge in such politics but it appears that my mother n my mil keep discussing issues on n off it Appears like they team up to bash us :-(
     
    RamyaSridhar1978, Apr 28, 2016
    RamyaSridhar1978, Apr 28, 2016
    #5
  6. Apr 28, 2016 #6
    1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,139
    Likes Received:
    3,938
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    personally call that bil again and explain your constraints and inform again the original plan. Call your mil too and let her know you are sticking to the original plan as discussed. if mil or bil references your mom's suggestion just dismiss it out of hand. 'yeah mom says lots of things but we (h and I) have taken a decision and this is what we are going to do.' Let them know this is the final decision and there will be no changes. If mom call you will have to deal with her tactfully but firmly that you and your h are the ppl who can and should decide this.
     
    1Sandhya, Apr 28, 2016
    1Sandhya, Apr 28, 2016
    #6
    guesshoo likes this.
  7. Apr 30, 2016 #7
    butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,589
    Likes Received:
    1,646
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, are all the functions in India? Which grades are your kids in?
    If your kids are in elementary school, I would think it would be fun for them to be a part of an Indian wedding. Its a great experience. All learning does not come from schools. Your kids would probably not understand right away, but they would be seeing how planning a huge event works, food preparation, all the rituals, the drama and the subtleties of human relationships. How else are they going to see all your extended family? In my view missing 3 days of school work to attend a wedding and a poonal overseas is not a huge deal unless they are writing board exams or some absolutely-cannot-be-missed college prep exams.
    Kids will catch up, but you cannot recreate the learning that comes from these life experiences at home or at school.
    I know you are thinking from your kids' perspective, but I suspect concern for your kids is also colored by your feelings of being rode over by your mother. You will have to tell your mother not to interfere in your family decisions, however that's not a valid excuse to deprive your kids from having fun and a positive, joyous experience.
     
    butterflyice, Apr 30, 2016
    butterflyice, Apr 30, 2016
    #7
    sumalynux and yellowmango like this.
  8. Apr 30, 2016 #8
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    OP,most life lessons are learnt outside the classroom.
    Your children will learn more in a family function.
    Besides they are in class 1. You make it look like they are appearing for their board exams.

    Regarding the many up coming marriages in the family.Use the studies excuse then,when they are in higher classes. This excuse will work then.Now it seems just lame.

    You need to tell your mother to stay out of your decisions.
     
    yellowmango, Apr 30, 2016
    yellowmango, Apr 30, 2016
    #8
    tarasharma and ChandrikaV like this.

Share This Page