Please, I Need Your Help,advise,suggestion...

Rachu123 · Apr 21, 2016

last weekend he messaged me at 12.00 pm saying he lost everything and he needs money from me now. He came home after sometime and started harassing me for money. then I told him to show transaction and there was huge negative balance in his account. Then through his collegue only I came to know that he is going to casino. I know he crossedd all his credit card limits by now. Now he is saying me he will change for me and my daughter. I am fed up. just fed up. lost everything. planning to go back. but here also he has all loans including car loans and he is on my visa. Please help me what to do. My family is saying leave him and come back.

Rachu123 · Apr 21, 2016

For some reason, I was not able to add whole post in single message.
It is not like he will not help me at all at home, on weekends he does help me. But I see with not interest, only because I fight with him he does work. Only because I fight he take us out.

msindu · Apr 21, 2016

leave him. he will not improve.

maya9876 · Apr 21, 2016

@Rachu123
Your husband is addicted to gambling and that is a serious condition. Its not easy for addicts to change overnight even if they want to. He has maxed out all the credit cards etc and still is not able to stop and wants more money from you.. that only means his gambling addiction is extreme. If you want to give this marriage another chance you only hope is to meet a psychologist and take him for counselling.

Gauri03 · Apr 21, 2016

You have two choices. You can let your past mistakes continue to drag your life down the path of misery and regret, or you can take deep a breath, put the past behind you, and start making the right choices.

First and foremost, the violence must end. If he so much as raises an eyebrow at you, call the cops. For your sake, and for your child, please don't suffer through domestic violence. You have a choice. You are an independent, financially self-sufficient woman. What makes you put up with beatings?

Cut him off. Let him be responsible for his own expenses. You are not responsible for loans that are in his name. If he has debts at the casino then let him find ways to pay them. If he can't, he will learn a hard lesson, something that is required at this point. Don't shield him from his bad behavior. If you have joint credit cards, then get rid of them, as soon as possible. If they have a balance, then pay it off, or transfer the balance, but don't have joint credit with him. If you don't cut off his money source, he will keep landing you in a soup. This is very important, especially if you want to give him a chance to change. He needs to learn to pay for his mistakes. Don't leave him and go back. Ask him to move out if necessary. Focus on your career and child. Start building a nest egg for yourself. Save every penny you can, preferably in a new account that he is not aware of.

As to your husband, it depends on how far gone your marriage is at this point. If all you have holding you back is your child, then you should walk away while you are still young. If you decide to give him a chance, then he must demonstrate his intention to change through his actions. Ask him to contribute a fixed sum, even if it is a token amount, towards the household expenses. Tell him to make a plan to pay off his debts, and give you a deadline by which he will make it happen. You should make it clear to him that at the next instance of violence you will report him to the authorities and revoke his dependent visa.

Unless you take some tough steps, you will keep getting sucked down this vortex. Harden yourself and be prepared to walk out.

vaidehi71 · Apr 21, 2016

Domestic violence!
Alcohol abuse!
Gambling!
Irresponsible husband and a totally irresponsible father

These issues are all RED FLAGS already happening in your marriage.
Please leave him and start living a life for yourself and your kid.

whitedaisy · Apr 21, 2016

OMG...I am shocked. He has no reason to leave you. You are a golden goose to him.
Lady save yourself and your daughter from this guy. Leave him..now!!. If he raises his hand call police. Don't help him.
If you help him now, very soon you will add few lines to your story saying "I had cleared his debts, but still he is going to casions".... just you are going to add these lines to your story.
You are educated, working, why are you taking this physical abuse?

28neha · Apr 21, 2016

i suggest you leave him. dont give him divorce also..he will marry another girl and one more life get spoil...better leave him,dont take his credit responsibility...thats good u have your family support..

waiting4rmlong · Apr 21, 2016

Feeling he never change. He has not changed after baby born too. He may act before as good guy if you say leave. You are golden duck to him. As other friends suggested enough you beared so much pain. Tell him strictly you won't give single penny to him for unnecessary expenses. If he hit you threaten him will inform police. He is building outside that you harrassing him like that. Atleast if helps you in taking care your kid and look after you though he is not earning it would be good. In olden days does our mothers earning no right father only taking responsibility to take care family expenses.. now as a ladies we are helping to our husband instead of keeping total burden . But these generation guys taking that as advantage and reversly depending on wife. What's happening to our society. So speak with him clearly if he listens fine otherwise go ahead as other friends suggested