Days with my ailing GG

[justify]I had a great grandma..My grandma's mom. When my grandma itself is 70+ you can imagine my GG's age. She was 94 when she passed away. And that was not an easy death for her. She was ailing with old age problems for about 2 yrs in our home. She was almost bed ridden. She needed help and cant do things on her own, obviously at that age. She used to maximum try to do things on her own, but that too stopped after a year and she was totally bed ridden.

Either of us (Me, sis's, dad, mom , paati (thats her GGs daughter)) has to keep assisting her. I admit that she tested our patience to maximum. But also none of us made her feel bad though we used to talk out our impatience within us. She was treated with patience, whether it was a real patience or a forced patience. We made sure we dont hurt the already physically hurt old lady, with our words or actions. With that said, let me tell you my routine of task that I do (all of us took turns in doing though)

She cannot walk swiftly, one has to hold her and support her in walking till our kitchen. At around 10.00 she will get ready for her bath. I had to take her till the bath room. Before that, I should fill the bucket with extra hot water. She will need 1+ bucket of water. So I ll fill 2 buckets full of steaming hot water. And hang the mug in the bucket, as otherwise she cant search it. Keep her Lifeboy soap in her reach. Put her towel on the hanger and then has to bring her to the bath room. I should hang it in such a way that she can reach to it. She will slowly get up from her cot, put on her specs and I ll hold her by the hand and take her to bathroom. She will walk very slowly. I mean, very slowly. Adi mela adi vechu. (Step by Step). and by the time she comes to the bathroom, the hot water will lose a bit of hotness. Will let her sit in the bathroom. By the time she comes back after bath, I ll keep her saree ready, and dust her bed and make it ready. By then, she ll call me to soap her back. So there I go, will soap her back, help her and come back. Once she is done, will need to bring her back to her room. It will be around 10-40. She applies viboodhi on her fore head and recite some slokas. At 11 sharp she takes her food. Once again, need to bring her to kitchen. I ll have to stand there next to the cot where she stands up from her cot, adjust her saree {for long time she was wearing 9 yards where I would find it so difficult to even lift, with that as the reason I used to escape from drying up her saree in terrace) But she left it when she was bed ridden. She ties a small saree, just enough to cover her totally} and comes to the kitchen. Give a small prayer to God and start with her eating. A scoop of rasam rice and curd rice. After that I shud take her to the backyard, where she can wash her hands/mouth/legs and slowly come back to her room. Hurray, big task for morning will be over. After that it resumes at her coffee time. 3-30 paati makes coffee for her and bring. But from 3-00 onwards GG will slowly start asking for coffee. sometimes paati makes it, else will ask her to wait till she completes her noon nap. If am home, she will ask me slowly 'sowmya koncham coffee thariya' I ll feel so bad to hear for that old lady that sometimes I used to make it and bring her immediately. We need to give her little by little in a tumbler till she completes the whole of it. Then she says 'Maharasiya iru' .Then again at 7-00 or 7-30 dinner. Same as walking her till kitchen. And by the time she is back, we shud make her bed. Once she is back, we need to give her tablets. Even at such a stage, she used to do her task with such perfection. She wont compromise on any single thing such as prayer or bathing or whatsoever. I keep a jar of hot water next to her for the night and finally wish her goodnight. None of it is a huge task, but in the fast track world, you tend to dislike anything that slows you down. Walking along with her her till kitchen and bathroom, to and fro , step by step will test my patience like anythiing. I ll keep saying to myself, 'paati seekrama nadangalaen plssssssss'. But will feel so idiotic to say it to her though. I ll as if I can do thousands of other tasks in that amount of time where I take her to her room. Ideally, otherwise I will be 'vetti' only (no work)

Oh man ! she had such a sharp ears, she can find out if anyone is sneaking in her room. I will, with great difficulty try to pass her room without making any noise as to escape her tasks. But most of the time it will be a failure. She calls out 'yaar adhu' (who's that?) . And she ll ask to apply amrutanjan or something. Hiding my failure, I respectfully complete her tasks. End of it she ll say 'Maharasiya iru' (Wishing me well). I used to feel so good when she says it. I always prayed hard to imagine her as a kid so as to not feel so stressed out at her tasks and not to feel impatient on that helpless soul.

This routine of her worsened the next year. Where she literally cannot move out of her bed. So everything has to be in bed for her. We do a towel bath for her. We built an attached bathroom in her room and once in couple of days or so, we with all difficulties make her take bath. She cant go to toilet herself and needs a bed pan. My granny used to towel bath her, make her bed pan, cleans her off and then she goes to bath to resume her daily duty. I used to feel bad when its difficult for we youngsters how a 70+ age lady can do it, even if its for her mom. On weekends we used to take turn and do all things. GG keeps calling us for something or other. She needs water, we need to pour into her mouth spoon by spoon. Then her food. Liquid food. Will take about an hour to finsih it. Then again bed pan. So the cycle goes on water-food-bedpan-drinks-tablets-water.... And worst part is she cant sleep at night and invaraibly one of us will be awakened to feed her water or bed pan. How many sleepless nights I had, though my paati was in the toplist. I will try to study something and GG calls. Always running after her.

I used to feel impatient too, I badly wish she gets a full night sleep so tht we can sleep well. It rarely happens. But same time I used to feel terribly bad for my GG. she was such a stunning lady. Till her age of 85 she was an active member of the kitchen and has served her duty almost in all houses (dad's..aunts ). And now, she is totally bed ridden where she needs to depend on people to do her work. She feels sorry for making us all do things for her same time she cant help it. Sometimes she cries out to Lord Narayana as why he is not taking her to him. I use to feel so sorry for her and wish I be more and more patient with her, but this feel wont stay longer, next day I ll start wishing she doesnt call out my name and all my tiptoing in her room.I felt 'Hmm..Human nature'

None of this would have been a big thing if its for few days or even months. But it continued for 2 full years. I should admit, it literally changed the whole lot of life style. We all were tired of doing it.We felt beaten up. Everybody played our part. But none of us wanted to give up on her. Relatives were amazed and always commented not all families can give such a treatment to old people. And finally one day, she stopped breathing in front of us.. Hard fact is that, it was a releif in some way but could not stop crying though. That night, we laid her in the hall room and informed all the relatives. As it was quite approaching mid night, everybody will come the next morning only. After series of tasks and continous cries people started dozing off unconciously at their places where I sat there next to my GG seeing her face remembering all her words. How she used to feel so happy to get a 15 mins earlier coffee and how she will bless me for soaping her back and making her bed. Such simple tasks. Comparing what all she has done to everyone of us from childhood, what we did to her is so minimum and uncomparable. She strained every bit of her physically to help our families in all kitchen related tasks and baby sitting tasks till she was 85. Paati asked me to get a bit of rest as the next day is going to be tiresome. But I cannot sleep. I only thought about all the nights I desperately wished to get a sleep when GG needed someone at her side. And this day is going to be the last ever day I can stay awake for her, For reason unknown I do not want to leave her and sleep. I stayed up all night sitting next to GG. Having controversial thoughts. Was I doing my part well? Per friends and relatives they were only astouned by the treatment we gave her, but we do know that internally we felt impatient and waiting and wishing to escape her call for something. How much the old lady did to us was all vanished when it started taking toll on our sleep and rest and we tend to feel impatient and tired. I silently said her my sorries for all the impatience I might have showed on her that might have made her feel bad. I could not stop crying for that mighty strong GG. Even today..

I have no hope that I can live even half her age, no hopes that my kids-to-be will take care if am ailing too I wish I keep myself healthy as much as I can and a resolution taken that day, to shower as much possible kindness to such old helpless souls.



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I too hope so Krithi. Thanks for stepping in.

Love,
Amy