Are you a little selfish?

Chitvish · Jul 8, 2008

Veda, your presence here is a real surprise for me!
The two cases you have mentioned are "forbidden" selfish acts. I would never advocate them. I am for small selfish acts which will help you come out of frustration and suffocation, without making anybody unhappy in the process.
But, we know, such people do exist, sadly!!
Love,
Chithra.

anjux · Jul 9, 2008

Hi chitra,

It is a wonderful post.Most of the time women sacrifice their happiness for others and they are called selfish if they ask for their happiness.So we ourselves should find out our happiness.

After 5 yrs of marriage I decided to be selfish. I have a dominating MIL and SIL'S. They used to decide where to go and what to do when we go for vacation.Now me being a mother of two children decided to see what gives happines for me and my children.

Now I am happy as I am doing what I want and ofcourse there are some sacrifices which gives us happiness.But I am happy with what I am .Now I don't have any contact with my in law family for the reason that I denied their decisions.My Hus call them, talk to them,Even My children talk to them but I am totally ignored and they don't bother me.My hus knows that I have not done anything wrong and so he doesn't complain or make a issue still sometimes he put the blame on me that I don't adjust. After the incidents that happened to me last year I decided better than sacrificing my own identity and happiness(WHICH OF NO USE BUT STILL COMPLAINS) I would do what I want to do. No more adjustments and sacrifices in my life.Ofcourse I will do some sacrifice for my hus and children which will inturn give me happiness.I liked your post very much.

GOOD JOB CHITRA......

Chitvish · Jul 9, 2008

Thanks, Anjux, for sharing your thoughts with me!
Yes, in a joint family, women are for ever expected to sacrifice to keep the others happy and contented. But a what cost? Not at the cost of one's frustration and depression.Then you become unhappy for others to interact with you.A woman's challenge lies in making others happy without making herself unhappy in the process!
Thanks, Anjux!
Love,
Chithra.

anjux · Jul 9, 2008

Dear Chitra,
Thank you for your reply.I agree with you that a woman's challenge lies in making others happy without making herself unhappy.But still what can a woman do if others pretend that they are unhappy whatever you do for their happines.It happens in most cases specially in joint familys that people are waiting to find fault of others.Even I agree with you that we should find happiness without hurting others and I am doing the same thing.I beleive that even if we couldn't help others atleast we should avoid troubling them.Great Post and keep on going with such good posts.

Thank you

Gowri66 · Jul 10, 2008

Chitra Madam,

I read your comment, was very happy. I may not be your favourite niece, but proud (to be a daughter to you), through this platform. I am from Chennai only. Will try to meet you... waiting for that time.

With lots of regards,

Gowri

jayashree · Jul 10, 2008

Hi all,
This topic is really interesting.My prob is somewhat different. My hub and I luv people and relatives who often visit us for some consultations, or help or just for courtesy. We feel happy to be courteous to them and things go like that. My son who's married for two years had never disclosed to us that he didn't like relatives visiting our house nor he xpressed his unhappiness abt that. Now he's living separately. He was feeling that he was not given priority and we r always behind our relatives and give them more importance. Acc to us it's not true. But he feels so. He's somewhat selfish and looks things only from his angle. I now feel guilt whether we did any wrong anywhere. Or i don't know how to convince him that we ne'ver neglected him at any cost. any solution?

Chitvish · Jul 10, 2008

Welcome Jayashree! I understand your anxiety about your son.
Perhaps he was possessive of his parents and that made him feel that you were giving more importance to others.I think, so long as your conscience is fine, you need not overly bother about how to pacify him. Perhaps his thoughts are not yet very mature. With passing time, he will fall in line & realise that we do not live in an island & we need friends & relatives.
Thanks.
Love,
Chithra.

mese · Jul 10, 2008

Dear Chitra mam,

I really love this topic. Most women are caught between the need to sacrifice(Ultimate indian nari) and being just themselves.We women have always been drilled into thinking that to live for oneself is selfish. Experience has taught me (I never was a fast learner) that we end satisfying nobody(Especially family) and being told that all our "sacrifices " were uncalled for and unasked for. So I have decided to be a tad selfish. Started of by looking after my health ,am learning to relax and not feel constantly on guard and most importantly stop feeling guilty if I went off to have some quite time. Really I need to act my age!!!
love meena

Chitvish · Jul 11, 2008

Dear meena, what you have written is very correct!
Let me be very frank - I am a Bharathiya Nari, but far from the Sati Savitri type!! I enjoy the challenge of being a woman, happy with herself but not making others unhappy in the process. So, if your selfishness can fall in line with the above, it is perfectly fine, Meena.Do not feel guilty & make me also feel guilty! :-(
Love,
Chithra.

Varloo · Jul 11, 2008

Dear Chithra,
I am not regular in your blog, though I want to be.
This blog is bringing back memories, bitter mostly. I had been a victim of this trait and only in the recent years I had started to become selfish.
After sacrificing everything, one is left to feel bitter. No one realises that we have done so much. I give this advice to others who seem to be in my position. Most important is we cannot satisfy every one, we adjust and become frustrated and unhappy.