Complicated past and shocking impact !!!!

Dear,
Let me first introduce myself here... rather many of us( the womanhood) here...
1. good parenting/childhood or past life---- I am sure 90% would not have had a proper up bringing. if not others.. i am presenting myself here. not luxuries, i did not and (even now) do not have even the basics....
2. Good food, good bank balance, comfortable life--- again a no
3. understanding husband-- in one word.. a husband is always a husband... a mil is always a mil... no more words
4. kids and responsibility ---- Dear, you said in your quote that you dont even know what you are chasing in life... but if you see the other 3 points, they are out of your control... thats destiny...
But what is in your hands is ... taking care of yourself and your responsibility—your kids....having such a big thing before you.. i wonder what are you still thinking about ??
I hope you definitely don’t want your kids to face the 3 points quoted above right??
If you fail to do your duties despite having the God given facilities and strength to do so (which many of us have limited supplies) ....then ....i don’t know what to say
Leave out your EMA’s etc ... they take you no where, draw a line, keep good contacts, get spiritual.
Concentrate on becoming someone worth. Don’t you wish to eradicate SA?? Work on it, have this goal... do something you can that will help other woman not falling a prey in to SA...
Get into action .... for something to be proud of... think ...

 

OP,
I don't want to beat you up or something. But as people have mentioned here, EMAs have nothing to do with lack of love, attention, or even abuse in the past. Abuse in the past may have a contribution, but it is not like abuse will lead to people having EMAs. When you were sexually abused, you must have felt a lot of helplessness and the perpetrator must have felt the opposite - a surge of power, a feeling of having exercised authority on someone which they normally would have not got to do. It is all a chain reaction. Different people react in different ways based on their situation. When you are repeatedly abused, after some experiences, you tend to accept it and make it a part of your personality. Some people take it the reverse way, they start abusing or asserting power as a means of venting. You seem to have a lot of anger within you. I don't know what you mean by your SA not showing love. Love does not mean PDA, love means standing up for you in times of difficulty, when everyone leaves you, the one person who is not willing to let go, the one who trusts you even if the whole world has given up on you, that is a person who truly loves you, it could be anyone - your parents, siblings, friends, husband, kids. But true love according to me is that - a special attachment. I don't believe in PDA at all. It would be nice to have PDA, but PDA alone does not constitute love. You wanting to do your job and trusting yourself shows you have gone through a difficult period and you have the power and independence now. And you are using it, simple and plain as that. Once you exercise it the right way, you will feel a happiness that is unparalleled. If you want something, you need to give the same. You want love, give the same, give it more, believe me, you are the best person to do it, just love without power is not valued at all nowadays. You have it in you, you just need to use it the right way, that's all.

 

Just visit a psychologist.

 

Dear OP, You need counselling.

Instead of waiting for our responses / opinions, you need to consult a good counselor immediately. A good counselor can guide you better. But my suggestion is don't ever go for EMAs. EMAs are not going to solve any of your problems rather they will aggravate your problems & spoil your kids future also.

 

OP I really feel sorry for all that you had to go through. I see that so many IL's have already given so many wonderful suggestions. Please consider them. I never thought that way so I cannot advice.

However I do remember watching a Hindi movie, Life in a Metro, Shilpa Shetty was there in that movie, almost 10 years ago. If you haven't watched that movie I would recommend you to watch. What will happen if we go down the EMA path was shown very nicely in that movie and also how it will be if we stay loyal to our DH is shown. You can see the contrast clearly and decide for yourself.

 

Dear OP, You need to consult a clinical psychologist to come out from this trauma and save your life. Please find a professional and experienced clinical psychologist.

 

Except for 'generic', 'Vaidehi71', 'kcb' and 'catwalk', no one gave you good advice. Childhood sexual (or even physical or mental) abuse is not something that you can discard and set aside as if it is to be dealt with in a silo. Such events have tremendous impact on our subconscious mind, and unless treated, they get to define our later years strongly.

Whoever gave the movie advice, needs a reality check. Bollywood movies are the great in showing you what doesn't exist in reality. So, don't go by them. Instead, go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist for therapy. Trust me and others listed above who mentioned this, this alone will help you.

 

. Agree, the positive or negative incidents faced by anyone during their childhood has a major impact on their personality and behaviour after they become older...Many girls abused during childhood develop a subconscious hatred towards men , inability to trust men, self loathing, a certain feeling of emptiness in life, reaching out for something that looks appealing from far and low self esteem inspite of being successful etc..and this affects their ability to maintain successful relationships in future..a trained psychiatrist / psychologist can provide proper guidance , treatment and counselling so that the future life at least will be peaceful..