Is their thinking acceptable?

Brief History of my family...


My MIL and FIL has 3 sons, my husband is the second one and ours is a love cum arranged wedding...

My elder BIL lives abroad with his wife and daughter...

Me and my husband live in India with our daughter and My PILs live in another house nearby to our house and we look after everything for them and my younger BIL is still single also lives abroad...

Now let me explain one scenario which happened yesterday..

My MIL is now looking for a suitable girl for my younger BIL and one alliance which came yesterday was from a very lower middle class family and the prospective bride has only her mother as her father passed away during her childhood and she is the only child....

Now my MIL has already discussed with my co sis about this alliance and now she comes to me and tells that the girl is very beautiful and suitable.... so I said we will go ahead but then she says that she and co sis discussed that if the bride is the only daughter all the burden of looking after her mother is upon my BIL and she is very worried about that the mother of bride comes and stays with her daughter and is not acceptable and also demanding dowry from the girl side knowing they are poor and I thought this type of thinking is not at all acceptable....is it right to think that the boy's parents should be looked after by DIL but DIL parents should give all the gifts and dowry but shouldn't be taken care by their son...

even before there was a same type of alliance in which I said please do not demand dowry from the girls side as it is not at all good for us but they reluctantly demanded the dowry...however it didn't happen

Now my co sis is plotting all this because the burden of looking after my PIL's will be on her as I am also the only daughter to my parents who have to look after them and if another co sis also is the only daughter it is so unbearable for her.. even though she lives abroad she is thinking all this cunning ideas and I am very disgusted about her mentality...she just feeds all the negative thoughts into my MIL and FIL minds and turns them against me and my husband.... she just manages everything on phones and talks so sweetly and acts that she is the most perfect DIL in the world and all this is just pertaining to words only and not in acts.. I just don't brag much and quietly look after their needs every time but they have favored their elder DIL always just because she speaks sweetly to them...

I have my PIL and parents living nearby our house and looking after both sets of parents equally even though I am a working woman...my co sis stays at home and has no interest in working...

An idle mind is a devil's workshop...is it right what they are thinking??

This is not a vent and I don't hold any grudge against them but I am just thinking still in this educated generation why people are thinking so low!!

What sin did the girls parents commit?? Why shouldn't they be looked after by their daughter and Son in law?

Sorry for the looong post...

 

Hi all Thank you for the advices...

I already gave a diplomatic reply that its their wish whom to select and FYI I am not breaking head about this issue at all because I don't care whatever my BIL and MIL decides because its his and his mothers decision and I already mentioned that it isn't a vent and I am least bothered about my co sis or MIL because I have my own life to lead and do not meddle into others lives at all...

I posted this because I always think why people are so narrow minded and why can't a girl look after her parents? It is a generalized thinking not only pertaining to my family...

last but not the least point I don't generalize everyone who sits as home are cunning and narrow minded but my co sis is using her brain for something bad rather than good....

 

Hey thank you for your reply..

my mom also said the same don't interfere in their affairs...

but people get me wrong I don't even talk this topic with my MIL and not at all interested because of my very busy lifestyle and long working hours I come home very tired and run to the office next day morning...

it is the weekends where my MIL catches me makes me sit and forcefully make me gothrough all the alliances asks my decision whether to accept it or not...

I always had been very far away from these issues as I already know and as you also have suggested tomorrow if anything goes wrong everybody blames me..

Now that I am telling its BIL's wish and your wish to her she is thinking that I am not at all involving in family matters as a DIL and not doing my duty and I have seen her complaining to my husband that I don't involve in anything and not feeling its my family and taking up the burden on my shoulders to get my BIL married...

and the dowry taking part I already mentioned that the girl's family cannot afford to give the dowry and they have already specified that they cannot give any even though my co sis is encouraging my MIL to ask for dowry...