Genuine appreciation and quick praise are often mistaken as sycophancy

EnglishNotGood · Dec 11, 2015

Praising others on their good deeds or qualities comes naturally to many. Most in my maternal family including truly yours suffer from this kind malady. Must be an inherited quality from my dad. He frequently praises my mom on even a simple preparation of JoLada Bhakri-Jhunka(unleavened roti made of sorghum flour and a side dish to go with it made by Besan flour and Onions). His instant praise for even simplest of simple item in the menu inspires my mother to cook more and serve him fresh straight from tava.

But after marriage and few years in US, I have come to observe that many think that a natural appreciation of others is considered as sycophancy by some (especially by people who have tough time praising others). As a newly wed, we were invited to inlaws' family friend's house for dinner. I liked the tomato-cucumber raita Aunty made along with other special dishes, so I said 'Aunty, your Raitha is so good, you should share the recipe with me. I hadn't eaten such tasty raitha before. Your other dishes were heavenly too.'. My MIL pretended to be happy there but once we reached home, she was visibly annoyed and asked me what was so special in that raitha to praise her friend so effusively. As a new bride, I had to give lengthy explanation on why I said so. But even after a decade, I have to give explanation that there is no motive or hidden agenda in praising others as H side of the family thinks the way I appreciate others comes across as phony to them.They won't complain when I praise them too is a different story :biggrin2:.

Celebrities, prominent politicians might have their ardent supporters (Chelas) praising even their simple deeds. Those people might have some hidden motive in praising them but appreciating a fellow co-worker who is lower ranked than you or a neighbor who you might see very rarely or a distant relative whom we see only in infrequent occasions like India trips, what motive can be ascribed if we praise them?

Do you agree with the title and the thought?

daisy2015 · Dec 12, 2015

Sycophant's number increased to such an extent that differentiating genuine appreciator from sycophant has become a huge task. It is not bad to appreciate and encourage others with a pure heart. But the other person and those present around at that time should have a good heart to accept the situation or appreciation.

suryakala · Dec 12, 2015

Dear @EnglishNotGood,

You have indeed raised an issue which very often touches every one's life. I think there cannot be a simple answer.

Genuine appreciation can encourage people do wonders for with the giver and the receiver. Any appreciation which is not genuine becomes hollow and does not reflect well on the giver and receiver.

The effectiveness is to know the correct context, time and person and be genuine both in quantity and quality in appreciation, without fear or favour.

Enjoyed reading your snippet!

malligashivaram · Dec 12, 2015

Well said Eng there is a difference with praising and overpraising, in some families love is so much shared with small things and small happiness. In other families it is not appreciated, it has to e good to be praised. and in some families, what is there to praise making a good sambar or ordinary dish.
I believe in what u did i always praise the cook, But not only in single items but include the other items as well.

Sun18 · Dec 13, 2015

Wow. Apt post to my confusion and anxiety since being a person who appreciates often and so thought many times whether people would think of me as sycophant.

Earlier I wasn't such a genuine appreciator (in fact, not an appreciator at all - brought up like that. lol) but once I have gone through some learning and few wonderful experiences, I have become an appreciator (and genuine appreciator, precisely - since as said by @suryakala mam, if it's genuine, it'll do wonders for both giver and receiver else it will be hell hating for receiver and no happy feeling for giver)

I liked your post and @suryakala mam's reply as well.

Thanks for the timely post.

imhappy · Dec 13, 2015

Habit of appreciating is very good. Of course it should not be exaggerated, because it sounds as a lie. In this modern times, we are trapped from both sides. If you appreciate you are a "chamcha", if you don't you are an enemy or say you are jealous.

Sometimes people don't get appreciation or good words, even if they are excellent in what they do. This leads to inferiority complex. I think good compliments must be given to the person who deserves it. Compliments given to proudy person gives their ego a big boost and then they stop learning.