“I Do” (Do I?)

Bhargavi03 · Nov 9, 2015

People say marriage brings spice, tears, happiness, flavor and taste to life. Personally, I believe Paani Puri does a better job at a cheaper cost.

I quite recently attended a wedding of one of my husband’s close cousin. It was an Indian more precisely a south Indian Brahmin arranged marriage. Weddings are always crammed with a plethora of emotions of all those involved in the arrangement proceedings. While for many it is a time for fun and pleasure, for a few it is a pressure surmounted on them to conduct the event in a satisfactory fulfillment. I often wonder why is there so much of noise about arranging a marriage in the Indian society. Love marriages are only a little different from an arranged one. The only consolation with the former is that the girl knows the boy before the marriage however the complexity of a marriage still prevails. He no longer remains the same one she was once acquainted with, post marriage. He carries this whole new husband image about him in front of her and brings his family along with him whom she had to please besides her new husband.

I belonged to the bride’s side of this marriage I was a part of. It was a typical arranged marriage.

Girl meets the boy in the presence of her and his parents and a few elders who are the ones who ostensibly keep showering their advises from their experiences in conducting marriages as and when the parents consult them. After a brief moment of exchanging a few words with each other probably in a little private room that these days’ so-called modern parents offer them, the boy and girl concede for the marriage. Quite jubilantly both side parents exchange the thambulam (a plate with fruits and flowers) as a sign of accepting each other as their would-be affine/in-laws. Now starts the whole drama of organizing this grand life-time event of their daughter.

It starts with fixing the dates for the marriage; finding a suitable wedding hall at your affordability standards comfortable enough (though you cannot evade the criticism about the room quality and whining of the relatives, who stay there); followed by fixing the cook. Brahmin marriages are known for their gluttony. Every soul treats food as the prime most aspect in their life while all the other things ceases to exist when it comes to eating a meal at the wedding. Extra care has to be taken by the bride’s father in getting the best cook to gratify every watering mouth. Every single close associate of the bride’s parents keep pouring their valuable comments and opinion (even when not required) about each step of the bride’s parents in orchestrating the show.

This is followed by a grandeur shopping for the bride and the groom to look their best attire on the d-day. I read somewhere that across the globe, India is the foremost country where weddings are conducted at a magnificent scale with abundance of money and opulence splashed in an unparalleled magnitude (am still unclear as to why so much for just “a marriage”). After fixing the purohit (a family priest), floral decoration, Nadaswaram and Mridangam (auspicious instruments played in south Indian weddings) and a few other miscellaneous expenses incurred the bride’s parents starts distributing the wedding invitation cards to their respective family members.

On the D-Day, people pour in to witness this gala event. A few come in with genuine best wishes for the new couple, while a few with a malicious contentment just like how they are struggling with their marriage come to see who are these terrible pitiable two’s who have decided to be stringed in their life together in this mysterious trap called “marriage”. The girl is undoubtedly the cynosure of all eyes with pressure built on her to appear the most beautiful women on this earth as though she is contesting for some beauty pageant and the people who have come for the marriage are the judges.

The event progresses with a cacophony of chattering people across the hall divided into different groups. There is one group of senile grumpy visitors/relatives who are constantly worried about the respect and treatment offered to them at the marriage by the bride’s parents stirring unnecessary controversies, another a group of young bachelors gibbering about some hot girls in the hall, then a bunch of bachelorettes contemplating about when they would get married, a group of men and women discussing about how good or bad the food was and what element of spice or sweetness was missing in it, few young mothers running behind their little ones to feed them, children running around, then comes the bride’s parents filled with pride about their daughter’s marriage and a bit of anxiousness about her married life in her new in-laws place, the grooms’ parents filled with happiness for their son, a mother-in-law probably with a slight anticipation of getting a new girl in assisting her in the house-hold chores. Amidst all these chaos there is this one person seated nonchalantly next to the groom with a pile of mixed emotions spinning across her mind and heart – “the bride”. She is excited, anxious, nervous, and angry about some things, depressed about leaving her parents, bewildered. Her state is something beyond any Homo sapiens’ apprehension.

Finally- the climax of this whole wedding drama. At the auspicious moment decided by God and deciphered by a human astrologer, the groom ties the knot around the bride as the wedding arena spectacles an enormous amount of water works happening everywhere. Tears of joy flow incessantly from the eyes of the girl followed by her mother and father, the people around wish the newly married couple by sprinkling the sacred flowers on them. As the visitors greet the parents, a sense of triumph vibrantly beams across their eyes. The groom smiles proudly because he’s convinced he’s accomplished something quite wonderful. The bride smiles because she’s been able to convince him of it.
As the visitors leave the hall, the boy and the girl brace themselves to the first step in their married life.

I wish the new bride and the groom a happy married life. Hope they discover the happiness in course of time in this mystical journey of marriage!!!

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” —Mignon McLaughlin

Bhargavi03 · Nov 9, 2015

Hello all wonderful and lovely readers, I am here this time with a slight deviation from my short stories section to a short snippet sharing a small piece of funny yet the truth of life - "I Do" (Do I?)

Hope you enjoy this one and as every time please post your valuable comments.

Happy reading and also wish you all a very happy and luminous Diwali !!!

lovely1988 · Nov 9, 2015

Nice one. I like the comparison between marriage and pani puri.. which is true..

jayasala42 · Nov 9, 2015

Dear bhargavi03,

You have photographed the entire events in a marriage hall and have given us a feast.So true.There is absolutely no difference in pomp and show and extravaganza whether it is love marriage or arranged marriage.In fact love marriages have more bombasticity, since most of the arrangements are done as per the directions of the bride and groom who want their marriage to be the best in every respect.Now a days they arrange through event managers and the cost is nearly doubled.The wedding halls more or like a shopping mall with toys and baloons for kids,mehndi and bangle centre, juice and ice cream stalls.The bride, earning a handsome salary wants her wedding suited to her official status and the poor father who arranges the wedding finds it very difficult and delicate to express his financial concerns.Whether there is a demand from the groomside or not, I have seen many girls extracting maximum from her parents.This is really deplorable.I don't deny there are girls who share the burden of their parents.
A wedding need not be extravagant.Even in a simple wedding you can bring in real spice and divinity.Thousands of articles have been published reg the necessity of simple weddings. All advices have gone into deaf years.In fact the present day weddings have so many unnecessary avoidable expenses-the vegetable carvings, fruit carvings, floral decors, lighting arrangements, light music concerts, bhajans by a big goshti ,return gifts, stylish tamboolam bags etc etc add thousands and thousands to the budget.Where is this going to land?

Jayasala 42

Bhargavi03 · Nov 9, 2015

Yes that's sadly true at times @jayasala42

satchitananda · Nov 10, 2015

That is a fabulous and accurate description of a typical big fat Indian wedding. There are weddings and then there are weddings.

I hate attending the kind of weddings where there is a lot of money splurged (often just a massive show) without any personal touch. The place is teeming with people as you described and often no one has the time to attend to the visitors or even say a polite hello.

The receptions are another story altogether. All the visitor has to do is to go queue up in front of the stage to meet the bride and groom, hand over a gift, take a pic as well as video with the couple, smile graciously or artificially and then get off the stage to make way for the waiting crowd. Next stop is a long table of endless dishes - so many, indeed, that one wonders what one should eat next. The sad part is after all the expense, one often hears people cribbing about the free food they are stuffing their faces with.

Then there are some weddings which involve a lot of expense, but which reflect very good taste. The number of invitees are restricted and so there is a personal touch.

It is always nice if there is a group of people whom one knows, with whom one can enjoy. The worst weddings to attend are the ones which one attends as an obligation, hands over a gift, eats and comes back.

Viswamitra · Nov 10, 2015

This snippet is a delightful read describing all aspects of the mega glue organized by the alliance of seniors , parents, astrologers, etc. to stick unsuspecting man and woman together. More the celebrations are, the parents get a great sense of pride and status in the society. Does anyone think of austerity in such situations or think about conducting wedding of a poor woman who can't afford wedlock because of her economic status?

Wedding planners in the US are shrewd businessmen. They were organizing weddings of the Western couples only to realize quickly Indian weddings are much more expensive and hence more money for them. They have learned minute details of various religious events of Gujarat, Punjab, Kerala, Telugu, Tamil, Sindi, etc. including Wedding ceremonies. Now, it is $4 billion dollar industry in the United States. People like Lakshmi Mittal demonstrated how much could be spent just for a wedding.

Whether a marriage is consummated through love or arranged, the celebrations are pretty expensive. It is time to think about limiting the invitations and avoid pomp and show. Instead of feeding the guests, money saved could be used to feed the hungry. Half of the amount spent on prettying up the bride and groom could be donated to an orphanage or an old age home. All gifts can be channelized towards charities that spend 90+ % towards actual benefits to the needy with very little overheads.

Viswa

Viswamitra · Nov 10, 2015

These are not words I am saying just to please everyone or take the attention away from this wonderful snippet. We are planning to conduct the wedding of a poor woman before we celebrate my son's wedding. When We performed the upanayanam of our son, we had arranged three other poor boys to simultaneously have their upanayanam. We have donated all the gifts received for charity. Our son's birthday, my father's anniversary are performed always through donations to an orphanage or an old age home. We have educated three other children by paying their tuition who wanted to pursue higher studies in the US but couldn't afford. We honestly believe that it is the reason why we never ended up paying a dime towards our son's tuition. These things are revealed here not for publicity but for sharing the experience of feeling a great sense of fulfillment in such actions. These feelings are even greater than celebrating our own son's functions. My wife was instrumental in motivating me to do all of the above.

If I don't appreciate fellow-beings' need, I have no right to exhibit wealth. What I have is God's gift and I am merely a trustee. I know I can't remove poverty from the face of the earth but if I can feed one poor family, pay for education of one poor child, etc. I can make change to their life. Every enormous problem is solved one step at a time.

Viswa

Bhargavi03 · Nov 10, 2015

That is very noble of you and your wife @viswamitra

iyerviji · Nov 10, 2015

That was a detailed description of Indian Wedding Bhargavi dear. True now a days so much money is spent in a wedding, especially on the bride who goes to beauty parlour for dressing up, or the beautician comes to the hall to dress her up, even the nine yards saree she only ties. During my cousin sister's daughter's wedding though that time Beauticianswere not there, the girl's uncle's daughter put lot of make up for her, when naturall she is very beautiful for marriage. Her mother in law told them to remove th e make up and told them we are getting married to her for her natural beauty. So much money is spent in food especially during reception that people dont know what to eat. Last Saturdy we had gone for a Reception of a Caterer's daughter. It was a grand wedding , since he knows many people the hall was full . The bride and bride groom cam eto the hall only at 7.45 pm when the time was starting was 6 pm. From that time only there was a big Q to meet them. There were so many items to eat, so many lights put up , even there was music by a music party.