should i get a divorce ?Pls suggest...

Op,it is good that you want to be an IAS officer.

You need to become thick skinned .Stop keeping things in your head. If you don't want to hear ,don't stay and listen.Move away and study.

You don't have sympathetic parents,don't expect sympathy from them.Don't complain to them.Talk to a friend,Come to this forum and vent .

If he complains and shouts.Tell him to be quiet and not disturb you as you are preparing. Give him the iron and the T shirt and tell him you are preparing.

As for your husband,no op ,you are not turning him into an abusive person. People who are not abusive find other ways of dealing with issues. He is what he is.

 

Op, u r not focusing on ur positives which are way more than ur negatives...u have created in ur mind tht u irregular so u r taking other people fault also on ur head....
if u had been so irregular thn how did u get the job? How did u get the offer for MS? how u r able to study for IAS and securing gud marks in test etc with all ur household chores....
is anybody doing ut household chores n study or u r doing it even after ur irregularties?
U r expecting too much frm u....and failing on even a single thing u r blaming urself....u r just blaming urself for shortcomings and not giving the credit for success....
Ur husband has understood ur mentality and using it against u....he wants u to be an IAS ;wants u to do all household chores like his slaves ...he wants u to be pregnant also....
u have very low confidence on urself.....u need to work on it...
frm ur post it is clear tht ut husband is complete jerk and yes u shuld leave him....

But start treating urself better if u will not treat u gud and find fault wth urself everybody else will does the same

 

If you are willing why dont you go to a therapist? They can help you . You have a deep rooted feelings of inadequacy for things which are very normal. Perhaps the counseller can guide you to overcome that.

 

Dear OP , i see main problem here is lack of confidence on yourself. You are underestimating yourself. What i would advice is :

1> Believe in you. Becoming irregular on certain things isnt biggest problem. Work on it. Go for counselling.Meditation might help. Don't let any negative energy around you (either from your hubby or even from parents get into you) make you feel bad.

2> As you already mentioned you were good at studies, you had good job, you were doing MS ..This shows you are talented girl and can do very well in your professional life. Do IAS not for others but for yourself , don't wry about failure. In worst case scenario, if you divorce or even if your parents wouldn't support you, Your career /job could give you financial as well as confidence boost you would need.

3>PLZ PLZ dont have baby with such man who thinks of you like slave , Now you are suffering , baby will suffer too if he/she comes into picture in such marriage.

4> don't think you are short or not good looking made him do all this to you , he knew all that before marriage. Or Dont think he wasnt like this in early days after marriage, he changed because of you ....No that's not the case, all men act nice in early days of marriage and they show their true color soon after.

5> Dont do what he asks you at home unless he asks politely . You don't need to iron his t-shirts, or clean house the way he wants on time he wants. You ask him to iron his shirts himself and tell him you will clean the house when you have time. You are thinking about divorce anyways , so there is nothing to loose even if he gets angry with your reaction. Be thick skin. Dont let him take advantage of you.

Good luck dear. We women need to stand for ourselves . no-one would do that for us. Be brave, confident and bold.

 

If you really feel that, you tried your level best, ignore him completely!!!... If he shouts also, just keep quiet and dont listen at all...

If you

Concentrate on your IAS.... you can score good in that!!!....

Think about divorce after you get into a good carrier path!!!....

 

Yes, I think you should divorce that jerk. From your post I can not see any one reason for you to stay in this marriage. How can he blame you for not getting pregnant, the problem may be with him and not you.

 

Since you want to be IAS officer, just focus on it. Don't focus on what he or your parents say. Just have single goal of completing the studies. I think you just need some help on planning. Every night, make a checklist of what you want to do the next day. And when you complete a task, put a big tick mark on the item. This will make wonders. Also, pamper yourself with a small treat at different targets.

Don't allow him to do any physical abuse. Just tell him strict NO and that you will call the police if he repeats.

Remove the thought that you are giving up easily. Keep small targets and try to achieve and maintain them. This could be walk for 30 mins daily or doing some activity. Reward yourself as you go along.

 

op you need to distance yourself from parents too.why the want t prove your husband that you are worth something?they should be proud of you.OP your parents are probably the one who are creating low self esteem in you.

 

first of all you need a friend to understand you, so talk to your best friend r any close person who can understand your feelnig.
If you donot have any such person, then talk to a counsellor who can console you