Do parents send money to inlaws for MY brother's wedding?

Confusedwife · Jun 22, 2015

Hello,

I am new here. Married, age 36. I was born in the US and am married to an Indian man for the last almost 13 years. We have a 3 year old son. My husbands' parents are in India. My brother is getting married next month in the US. So my husband is going to visit his parents in India, and my parents adecided to send $1000 to his parents and $500 to his sis for my brothers' wedding "shagan." I need to say their relationship with each is not great. It's a forced cordial relationship between the inlaws because honestly, my parents are at fault. They have been awful to both my husband and my inlaws for years with indirect comments, drama etc etc. And they also think that if they give people enouigh money, they will get respect. Problem from my inlaws is they will take the guft/money, but not anything comparable back to them. So that makes me mad. Now sending THAT much for the shagan seems absurd to me. Also because I KNOW my inlaws wont send much back to my brother for wedding so that hurts me. My inlaws are very generous and loving with me, but not with my family. So I guess my question is, is it a norm in India to give inlaws for girls brother's wedding? And secondly then do the inlaws give something big back for wedding? I talked my parents down to $500 (30,000 rupees) for inlaws and $300 for his sis (18000 rupees). Makes more sense to me. My inlaws wont even care honestly. And they are in two different countries so not like they are coming for wedding. Just bnad luck, my husband going RIGHT before my bro's wedding so all this comes up. Please advise...

ars · Jun 22, 2015

Dear don't be confused
your h and ils are good to you.
you say your parents are not saints. Let them give take what ever they want you don't get involved just do what you need to do.

coolgal123 · Jun 22, 2015

U have told ur parents th they can lessen the amt. To 500 n 300$....leavr it at tht....now let ur parents decide how much they want to give....if they can afford then let them give whtever they want...

Confusedwife · Jun 22, 2015

What I want to know, is what is the norm?? Does this happen and if so, what is reasonable etc?

CuteCancer · Jun 22, 2015

I have not heard of giving money...but in some cases people gift clothes to all close relatives (including in laws)

Confusedwife · Jun 22, 2015

We are punjabis too, so just wondering on that end how it works.

coolgal123 · Jun 22, 2015

Yes....in son marriage, people give gift or money to close relatives and friends ...how much they give it depands on their wish and financial status....although 1000$ seems too much after converting in INR

Confusedwife · Jun 22, 2015

So 500 (30,000( and 300 for sis (18000) seems ok right?

guesshoo · Jun 23, 2015

In many parts of India it is customary to buy close relatives clothes and gifts while going to invite them for a wedding in your family. They would in turn either attend the wedding with gifts or send across a gift.

in laws of the daughter are considered close relatives; hence would get gifts usually. IMO this discomfort is something you could choose to ignore. It is some transaction between your parents and your husband's. Get your husband to gift your brother something on behalf of his family.