Pls help

Letmelive77 · Jul 2, 2008

Thanks Preethi,oaktree and Chocolate. Sorry for responding late. Its just that i needed sometime to come to a decision. am not keeping well these days and just back to work today.
Yes, his father does treat his mother the same way. He doesn't even visit her when she is in the hospital.
You are right..he definitely has lots of traits of his father. His parents do know about his behaviour but they are helpless as they all are dependent on him for their living.Also, they would never openly say anything against their son. My husband behaves pretty well outside. He is too good,helping and accommodative by nature when he is out . Its only inside the house that he behaves totally different.
None would believe that he is capable of putting me to such trouble.
As per Ria's suggestion ,am giving him one last chance as he apologised for his deeds. I am going for my driving classes from tomorrow. I have stopped being an obedient wife. I treat him the same way as he does to me. Yesterday he returned from work pretty late.As always i did not wake up and serve him. I had my dinner and slept by the time he came back.
I will see how he is going to take my indifference. There is no physical abuse otherwise i would have left long back.
This is one last chance to him .I have prepared myself to move out any time. I am not scared of anything now. I will live life as i want and not according to someone who doesn't love me.
Thanks so much...You all have helped me to gain my lost confidence...all this while i did not fight back ..am doing it now..will keep you posted.
Thanks again.

Riyasmommy · Jul 2, 2008

Letmelive77 said: ↑

I will live life as i want and not according to someone who doesn't love me.
Click to expand...

:clap Kudos to you for saying that, and hopefully meaning it, too. All these wonderful people have given you wonderful advice already, so I just wanted to give you a pat on the back.

Raj

oaktree · Jul 3, 2008

Hi LetMeLive,

Happy to hear that you have become stronger. Its wise to give him a last chance to mend his ways, after that you will have to decide for your life with him. Good luck. I wish your problem gets sorted soon.
Hope your health is fine now. Please take care of yourself and keep in touch.

Regards.

kadambari · Jul 3, 2008

hi,
i think you should pay back a little. u know that he is after your money. so stop giving him and start taking your own personal financial decisions. this will make him realize that you can survive all alone. u don't need him. this will wake him up. stop doing his work. just say that u r tired and want some rest. if he really needs that laptop/remote ask him to get it himself. stop obeying all the silly demands. as u have been caring and patient enough.
he will abuse u more seeing you behave like this. but being little strong will help.

do some meditations it will help u relax.

Letmelive77 · Jul 3, 2008

Thanks oaktree,riyasmommy.

Actually he is getting irritated and jealous that am not doing all i used to do before..i refused to do something he asked for..he woke me up when i was asleep and started screaming as to why am not doing it..he didn't bother to talk to me all these days and just does it when he needs something
from me.I wrote him couple of mails explaining what all I had to go through all this while but he replied saying he is busy and cannot reply now..its being 4 days and still he doesn't have time to say a word but calls up to seek my help...at home he just sits with his laptop..eats whatever I give him and then he has nothing to say..not bothered why I am not cheerful or dull..do I need any help..nothing..no regret from his side for what all he did to me..He just needs a person who obeys him..does all his work but he doesn't spend even a minute to think about me..if am ok or not..If I don't do his work then I am arrogant,rude.. I started my driving classes today..now he will think that am not under his control and do whatever I want to do...of course I did tell him before hand that I will take up driving classes and wrote a big mail as to why it is a necessity in US..he is never open for any discussion,so I prefer writing an email to convey my thoughts....i am losing my mind because of him..i should always be scared and worried about his mood..even for simple things like learning driving..
I think I need a break from this selfish guy..will keep you posted.

Thanks everyone..

roopadadia · Jul 4, 2008

Hi dear,

I feel that there is some contradiction in your posts of yesterday and today. Anyways, you are doing great and good to know that you are taking your driving lessons.

In any relationship if there is no give and take to some extent and you keep going on a one way track at some point of time you will reach a dead end.

You say that you are independent and still not able to leave your husband...what is it that makes you stick to him and not just leave him. I am sure then there is some positive side of him which must be holding you on to him what is it and start your second innings from there.

Now resolve that you will not bow down to him at his whims and fancies and act independent too.

lol123 · Jul 4, 2008

I think you should move out if not a divorce.
I suggest since he doesn't talk at home you send an email and let him know as adults you need to talk and you are hurt. If he doesn't respond then....
- Learning to drive is not hard, call driver's ed if you are in a city and there are many driving schools look it up in the yellow pages, don't tell him.
- find an apartment close to work if you are able to afford or move in with a friend
- then talk to him and let him know that if he continues to behave like this you are moving out until you guys can sort things out.
- sometimes infertility happens because you are stressed out hopefully you talked to your doctor about your marital problems? Don't take drugs unecessarily.

Your husband may have some insecurities hence his behavior is like that after you stand up for yourself he may understand you. If all fails you deserve better so don't try to get pregnant just move on with life.

Letmelive77 · Jul 4, 2008

i moved out of the house last night..he started abusing me in foul language as to why am going for driving classes..why am not doing what he asks me...he asked me to move out if i will continue this way...cannot write what all rubbish he said..i am at my friends place now..i just got my documents ,gold and money..am yet to get all my things..didn't have energy to do all by myself yesterday..i will go sometime today or tomm to get my things..not sure what i want to do now..my parents want me to return to india..my friends ask me to stay back and continue my life here..am on H1B visa..
will keep you posted..plz let me know your suggestions if any..
i think i have to takeout my name from the apartment lease agreement..credit card which he holds..i don't know why he added my SSN to his credit card..i was foolish enough to give my SSN when the credit card company called..i am liable for all the payments done by that card...
not sure what i want to do now...still in a dilemma..

thanks everyone..

uns · Jul 4, 2008

You should remove your name at once from the credit card and anywhere else where finance is involved.

Since this is a long weekend, and if you still have the apartment keys go there when you feel your husband will not at home and if possible go with a friend or someone instead of going alone and bring all your belongings.

Utilise this weekend to calm down and sort things out. Since you already have a job you are better off than many others who are on H4 and dependent on thier husbands. If you feel that in this state of mind you can't do justice to your job then take a few days off...but don't do anything stupid that you lose the job.

shvap_786 · Jul 5, 2008

HI frnd...

I read the full issue..all the frnds have given suggestions... ur decision is correct go ahead.... now u have taken a decision... pls be carefull in the financial part ur cc etc with him... dont return to india... live in front of him... u shud live... no point in running back..

all the best...