Mil visit during pregnancy

div5414 · Jan 16, 2015

Dear ladies,
I am a new member. I need your valuable advice urgently.

I am pregnant with my second child. I am not staying with my inlaws. My husband is a typical mamas boy and my mil is very cunning and dominating.

She came to our house for my first pregnancy and made my life hell. She never let me eat on time or sleep or take rest. She even complained to my husband and we fought because of her. It was a complete torture for two months. Even during and after delivery, she was irritating me to core. Now i am scared that she will again come and torture me. I can even manage household chores, but the mental torture is what is bothering me.

Atleast this time i want to be happy and peaceful. If i openely tell my husband, he wont listen and we will end up fighting. I m already under lot of stress.

I can never forget or forgive whtever she did during pregnancy or even before that. She was never nice to me. Till date she hasnt changed. If she stays for few days, its ok for me. But if she stays for months, i dont know wht to do. Till date i havent fought with her directly. I have supressed all my anger and it is there inside me. When i told my husband, he never took my side. If i ask him to do this as a favour also he wont listen. Since i am not working, i need to spend the whole day with her. Pls tell me what to do. Please tell me how to make my husband understand to make her visit short.

yellowmango · Jan 16, 2015

Dear Op...congratulations for your second pregnancy.

1)Can your mother help you out this time?
If yes...then inform your mamma's boy that this time it is your mother's turn to help out.Don't talk about mil or that you don't want her...instead talk about how your mother also deserves to have this experience once.If this works for you...then your problem will be mostly solved.

2)If your mother can't come...then try to take no help.Tell husband it is too much work for mil and every one gets stressed and hence relationships get spoilt.Tell him you would like to avoid it this time round.

a)get a maid and train her for taking care of house and cooking. Train her for at least 1 month.Prepare for delivery and child care in advance.
b)Tell husband to take maximum leave during delivery and after .Train him to take care of first child when you won't be available.

3)If the 'do it yourself 'option is also not suitable....then do not call your mil in advance. Keep her away as much as possible. Try to keep her stay as small as possible...may be 20 days -one month. Try to keep control over kitchen by getting some one to cook and make sure she takes order from you. Delegate the job of taking care of older child to mil while you and husband can take care of you and new born.

Best of luck OP.

confusedwoman · Jan 16, 2015

Dear OP,

Tell your husband that you feel sad and miss your mom & dad on the verge of depression and want to visit your moms place. Once there just prolong your stay until your delivery and couple of months after that. If your mom is not in a position to help you, hire a maid in moms place. I am suggesting this as you are not working. If your husband is objecting, confide in your doctor and ask her to recommend this. This much stress is not healthy for you or the baby anyways.

Rise · Jan 16, 2015

you need not listen to her when she irritates you... she uses her words to control you... you use ur ears to control things.. dont listen the things tht irritate you.. if you cant do something she is not going to physically come and make you do it right... you choose to do it or not... full day if u have to spend with her ... go lie down sometime... read a book even if you dont like to... browse the net...... do wht u like , no need to immpress her cause she has a controlling nature if you let her control you thn only she can control

div5414 · Jan 18, 2015

Thanks yellomango..
my mother can come and will help me but my mil will pretend as if she is very caring and come. Last time both my mil and mother were there and she was controlling the kitchen.
I wud be really happy without her. Dont know how to tell my husband to cut short her visit without picking a fight.

div5414 · Jan 18, 2015

Hi confusedwoman,
Thanks for ur reply. As u said, it is a good option to stay in my mother place for few months. Will do it.

div5414 · Jan 18, 2015

Hi rise,
Thanks..
She talks a lot and interferres in everything i do. But this time i shud somehow i need to find a way out. Reading books n browsing r good options