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Impossible mil for kitchen :( :( absolutely fed up

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by shobhamumbaikar, Jan 3, 2015.

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Jan 5, 2015 #11

SriGeetha Bronze IL'ite

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Agaga Agaga , OP dear arent u queen after marrying your DH ? :queen
On lighter side, looks like you have an Paid Cook at home, now when she cooks at your home , who is the queen thinkingsmiley . Please dear forget this Queen concept.

I too agree with what AprilLisa,gauridinesh have said

SriGeetha, Jan 5, 2015

SriGeetha, Jan 5, 2015

#11

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Jan 5, 2015 #12

soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

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OP i think you are not realizing how lucky you are.
Here for us, we have to work, cook clean and do what not to run our house smoothly without a single help from our MIL or DH ...
On top of it they will have tons of complains also.

My MIL will not even keep one cloth from here to there. If i am standing in kitchen she will bring my son tshirt and say where to keep this t shirt (while she knows clearly this belongs to my son's wardrobe. How silly)

My MIL will pretend of work by asking 100 of questions to me.

Ur MIL wants to take charge n work. thats great.

If i were at ur place, i would gone out with friends, wen to beauty parlor, joined dance classes, many many more things..:wow

soni1987, Jan 5, 2015

soni1987, Jan 5, 2015

#12
Jan 5, 2015 #13

srilatharajesh Silver IL'ite

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It's true that You can enter into a man's heart only through his stomach' but then all your MIL's anything that is not original will not stay for long. Just relax and take rest. Kitchen responsibility is a big headeache be happy until its gets passed to you. Wait for your time. Prepare good, tasty and aromatic foods for yourself automatically people will be behind you. Be careful not to loose your health in this drama

srilatharajesh, Jan 5, 2015

srilatharajesh, Jan 5, 2015

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Jan 6, 2015 #14

nb25 Gold IL'ite

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OP,

Let her slog in the kitchen, if that's what makes her happy. Have the cook make what you and DH like to eat. Make sure your cook knows he is answerable to you, and only you. Don't involve cook in MIL's work, as she is doing it herself. While she is cooking, pamper yourself. Call your friends over. Tell them look my MIL cooked such delicious food. Let them try it. MIL is happy. Less oily and spicy food left for DH, you are happy.

Let her see you are not at all bothered about cooking. You are not competing and looking for her/your DH's approval. That will make her stop. She will realize her actions are not having any effect on the DIL.

You are the queen of your house. MIL realizes that, and is jealous. She wants to dethrone the queen, and rule. Give her the impression she has power. But control every thing yourself. Don't complain to your husband. Let him do as he pleases. He will soon get tired of this situation.

Your MIL seems like a drama queen. She is even using suicide to scare you into submission. Let her know that giving such threats while staying in your house is serious. Tell her, MIL, we hate to see you suffer like this. We have done every thing we can for you. If you are not comfortable with us, we can arrange for you to go back home. We can not be held responsible for any untoward act. Please talk to your son if you want to go back. He can make arrangements, as per your wish.

Do not keep quiet and let her give such threats. Do not bend over backwards to comply with her when she threatens you like this. Be confident and serious. She will stop this nonsense when you are firm.

If she threatens again, tell her you will be recording her conversations to have evidence that you were not at fault.

nb25, Jan 6, 2015

nb25, Jan 6, 2015

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Jan 6, 2015 #15

yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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She went to the extent of saying that she would like to kill herself. And never failed to mention that when she commits suicide, she will mention the names of all those ‘evils’ who goaded her for that action.
Click to expand...

Op...you should not have taken this threat/blackmail lightly.She will use this often.
I would suggest you get in touch with some local woman's cell and file an official complaint of blackmail by her.Then let people know that you have taken precaution....as you don't want to get in trouble for someone like her.If husband objects...tell him where was he when she threatened you with false suicide attempts and threat to name you.If he can't open his mouth then ....he should keep shut now. Tell him you are not even sure if he would ever support you.

It is time you put your foot down with your husband on her abuse towards you.

I suggest you inform some more people about her abuse towards you.....get a support gp ready.....e.g.at work ,friends,sympathetic relatives.

You could also go for counseling and keep a record of it.Let husband know you are taking counseling for the abuse you are expected to take from his mother.

As for the cooking. Keep full control over the cook and get the cook to prepare food for your family. Let the crazy woman make for herself and her husband.If your husband wants to join her...let him.Next day ,don't wait for him for meals.Let him know he is an adult and can choose what he wants to put in his mouth.Get the cook to make stuff of your liking and your son's liking.

Other than this....use your free time for yourself and your son......You have been freed of taking care of in laws......use it to your advantage. Go out for movies...ask husband if he wants to come....good if he does...or else you go with your son. Don't lose yourself and your family to the drama queen.

yellowmango, Jan 6, 2015

yellowmango, Jan 6, 2015

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Jan 6, 2015 #16

Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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I have been there.My H is has severe acidity.He has been given long list of food he should avoid.But MIL wont listen.She keep insisting he should eat this and that.

I have taken my H to doctor many times and let his Doc told him seriousness of the situation.After repeating whole scenario again and again he has started following instruction somewhat.

Instead of blaming MIL just keep repeating what he should eat and what he shouldn't.

Encourage him to take responsibility of his health.Instead of telling him not to eat what mil makes,tell him to request MIL to cook what he needs to eat.

Iamagoodgirl, Jan 6, 2015

Iamagoodgirl, Jan 6, 2015

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Jan 6, 2015 #17

shobhamumbaikar Gold IL'ite

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As many ladies over here are suggesting, it may seem cool to chill when mil is cooking as I am actually lucky to have her in kitchen. Trust me, I used to think this way myself. Though I never chilled, I used to run errand for her under her instruction while she was the boss. I Never ever bothered to have control over it. But I had to pay dearly for that in my lif during my pregnancy and delivery.
She at first left home for being there with sil for two years. She didn’t come but constantly controlled over phone as to what & how to do in kitchen and, not allowing us to keep a cook. When we kept a cook finally she was very very upset. And then during my delivery when my mom was there to take care of me and the house as mil was still with sil, mil came for few days and insulted my mom by doing things like snatching milk packets from her, indirectly ordering her to keep away from her kitchen blaming her for spoiling her gas oven/microwave/induction cooker/grinder, refusing to eat anything cooked by her, behaving very rudely to me and my parents as I spent some raw material in kitchen as per my/my mom’s wish and refusing to cook and serve for my parents as she was upset with her for interfering in her kitchen. I shed blood seeing all these. Dh tried his best to control her but in vain. It was then that I regretted having the kitchen of my home(rented by dh and me) under her authority. I never meant to oust her form kitchen totally though I just wanted her to know that she is not the ONLY ONE there. She will have to share it with me as it is my home too. But with her it is either her way or highway. She is never ready to share. Its not that we can decide on menu together and get it cooked by the maid. She may have things of any one else’s choice as well, Never. She will decide and cook and do whatever and however SHE feels right. Any one else trying to have a say is intruder, including me. If forced, she will break away. She will even keep her biscuits separately if I happen to decide on where to keep the snacks and will mention the snacks in kitchen as ‘your biscuits’

shobhamumbaikar, Jan 6, 2015

shobhamumbaikar, Jan 6, 2015

#17
Jan 6, 2015 #18

Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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Take control of kitchen.Its worth it.I am doing same slowly under the name of taking responsibility.
I too first did not do anything about MIL and SIL controlling kitchen and finances last one year and ended up paying heavy price.

Iamagoodgirl, Jan 6, 2015

Iamagoodgirl, Jan 6, 2015

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Jan 6, 2015 #19

shobhamumbaikar Gold IL'ite

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As for the cooking. Keep full control over the cook and get the cook to prepare food for your family. Let the crazy woman make for herself and her husband.If your husband wants to join her...let him.Next day ,don't wait for him for meals.Let him know he is an adult and can choose what he wants to put in his mouth.Get the cook to make stuff of your liking and your son's liking.
Click to expand...

thanks for understanding my situation dear. Yes i tried the same thing. But what she does is, the moment she cook some thing, she makes it a point to make everybody eat that and get the food cooked by me or maid wasted. The maid is bad when she follows my instruction, the same maid is good when she follows hers. Everyday she creates confusion and bitterness.

Suppose i ask the maid to make dal, she will say 'auntyji told to make curhy', either i have to say ok or tell mil 'lets have dal today'. I f i say ok, next day mil instructs something more till a time comes when if i go and tell the maid anything, she will reply 'auntyji has already told the menu'. If i try to decide with her beforehand, she will either say 'i will decide after my puja, you may go to office'. If i say, 'no am deciding now, you tell me whether you would like to have bundi or kheera raita' she will make face and say 'do what you want, i'll make mine' and then you know (i mentioned in my op) She clearly shows that i have no business in her kitchen. Whenever i try to ignore her and do things my way, she refuses to eat anything saying there is nothing to her taste etc. she makes clear division of things in the dining table. and eat only those she instructed and frown at others. There will be things cooked absolutely without my knowledge.Even the maid is taking advantage of the confusion of multiple instruction and makes extra things for herself.I have tried every possible way. But i think i am losing my mind now. Its utterly impossible with her.

When she cooks or instructs the maid she ignores anything doc told about dh's food as she thinks they are all nothing but my way of curbing her authority. She totally ignores every single advice. Half of the time dh won't understand the ingredients much. If he does and objects she says things like 'cut the crap and eat what you have been eating since childhood. You never got ill eating them I am your MOTHER. you will never be harmed by your own MOTHER, go and tell that to those who have turned you against me for their own interest. God will never forgive her anyway.' etc etc.

It is then that i lose it and on one such day, dh told her 'why don't you co-operate? what is wrong in her deciding on the menu? why do you keep instructing the maid separately?' and all hell broke loose. She says, she better die rather than taking this insult.

shobhamumbaikar, Jan 6, 2015

shobhamumbaikar, Jan 6, 2015

#19
Jan 6, 2015 #20

yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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hugsmileyHugs Shobha.You have the mother in law from hell.She is one of those people who will poison her own house rather than see dil happy.

yellowmango, Jan 6, 2015

yellowmango, Jan 6, 2015

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