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This is not your home !!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by LindaSenorita, Dec 10, 2014.

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Dec 10, 2014 #1
LindaSenorita Senior IL'ite

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Hi Ladies,

Every married women thinks of her hubbys home as her home and adapts to it...we put our heart and soul in it to make that place a beautiful place for our family...and one fine day when husband himself say this is my home not yours..tell me the feeling one should feel...rejected, worthless, homeless etc., ...thts my story...
My hubby is a typical mommas boy...he is the best son one can have bt i cant say that about being a husband..I am a v.adjusting person..i have done all possible duties as a daughter to my MIL (not a a DIL....i have done like a daughter!!) ..still she behaves like a MIL to me...but thats ok for me...she is v.dominating lady and for my husband her word is the last word...i dnt have a FIL so i also never interfere..we never let her feel that FIL is not there...we lost him long long back even before our marriage...We take her along to every place we go...all i wannt to tell is we never let her feel left out.. This is the backgrund...coming to the actual point on which i want your advice...
My MIL says anything to my husband even on minor thing..she scolds him like a kid...till date i have never interfered in there talk..but yesterday on a v.small topic she started yelling at him and i said why are you getting angry? thats it..that was enough to trigger her against me...she started saying i do so much for you all and all that...and i was like everybody does allot for everyone in our house...its just not you....thatssssssss alll was necessary to start a world war in our house...my husband got vvv.angry on me as i said like this to his mom...for him its like even if mom is wrong she is right!!! thats the thumb rule.. and then he said its not your house..its mine...so dont dare speak a word about my mom....even after he cooled down he stands for ths sentence he said....now i apoke in middle as i really feel bad for my hubby as she always treats him like that.my SIL behave crap wit her but thats fine with her..bt son shudnt even say a word to her..my husband is angry and he cant see that i spoke out of love for him I am so so hurt...he cant even see my love...all he is a son...no dad no hubby...now you tell me ladies how should i feel...i feel so so worthless no words can describe...Please let me know how shud i behave going ahead...Even before he has said this many times and has apolosied...but this has become a habit...it just means that he stands by that it his his house and not mine...so why do such people marry? why they spoil our lives?? we do sooooo much for them and their family with heart and soul and they say in a fraction of second that its not my house?? wowww.. i havent spoken a word after this with him...i just feel so low.... please advice me ladies how should i behave?Ill be glad to hear from you all...please correct me if you plp feel i am wrong..

LindaSenorita, Dec 10, 2014

LindaSenorita, Dec 10, 2014

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Dec 10, 2014 #2

abiramivalli Senior IL'ite

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No you are not wrong. A momma's boy can never be a good husband. He should know his priorities after marriage and tactfully deal with his mum and understad that wife is the most important personf for him. His mum would have wished the same with her husband as well. what to do? you are in a tricky situation. you just have to be calm and wait for an opportune time to win over your husband's heart at the same time being reasonable with the old woman.

abiramivalli, Dec 10, 2014

abiramivalli, Dec 10, 2014

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Dec 10, 2014 #3

LindaSenorita Senior IL'ite

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Thanks Abiramivalli for your reply..but i am hurt coz of him...why shud i wait to win over his heart...shudnt he be the one doing that...

LindaSenorita, Dec 10, 2014

LindaSenorita, Dec 10, 2014

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Dec 10, 2014 #4

yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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.so why do such people marry? why they spoil our lives?? we do sooooo much for them and their family with heart and soul and they say in a fraction of second that its not my house??
Click to expand...

Ask him that...once you both are calm.
If he still stands by this ...then stop acting like it is your house.Stop caring for it.Stop caring for the house.Stop caring for the people in his house. You do what you feel is good for you. Show him that it is not your house......and you don't give a **** about it.

yellowmango, Dec 10, 2014

yellowmango, Dec 10, 2014

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Dec 10, 2014 #5

Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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I feel ya.My husband is not mommas boy but i still feel like this is not my home.Most of the decisions are made by MIL SIL FIL.I am not even ask.
There is nothing you can do.These type of people never change.

Iamagoodgirl, Dec 10, 2014

Iamagoodgirl, Dec 10, 2014

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Dec 10, 2014 #6

Rise Platinum IL'ite

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Legally its your home too...

Rise, Dec 10, 2014

Rise, Dec 10, 2014

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Dec 10, 2014 #7

indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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@LindaSenorita,
I really feel sorry for you. My best 2 cents :
Never get too much attached to your husband. If your MIL gets angry at him. Just ignore. Maybe he deserves it. (sorry for me being rude). Let them fight. You do not spoil your name by interfering.
As days go by your dh will understand. Never talk ill about his mom to him.

His home , my home? I think a home is both have equal share in making a home.

indubalram, Dec 10, 2014

indubalram, Dec 10, 2014

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Dec 10, 2014 #8

momsky Gold IL'ite

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You should explain to your husband that you acted out of love and concern for him, point out every past incidents how his mom mistreated and belittled him, and ask him how he can treat like this after all the love and respect you give to him unlike his mom... my husband is also the favourite son amongst 8 children and i can tell you there's hope

momsky, Dec 10, 2014

momsky, Dec 10, 2014

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Dec 10, 2014 #9

confusedwoman Silver IL'ite

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Dear OP,

Don't be too emotionally dependent on your husband. Also there is no need to give so much weightage or importance to what he says during arguments. He is not correct ethically or legally when he says this is his house only.

You have two ways of approach, first way is the most diplomatic. Just laugh within yourself (show a smile on your face) when he says it the next time, because its not true, say "of course it is" like you would say to a small kid and laugh it off. This takes away the power from that statement.

The second way to deal with it is stop caring for the house and decorating etc. When he confronts then say its your house,why do I care. But this method is asking for more trouble one way or another. He will stop saying this but may start saying something else...

Be above the childishness.

confusedwoman, Dec 10, 2014

confusedwoman, Dec 10, 2014

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Dec 10, 2014 #10

dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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@LindaSenorita, You are not wrong and you dont have to explain yourself to anyone. I would suggest you to take a break from doing things for others. Stop whatever you are doing. Spend time for you. Concentrate on yourself.

dsmenon, Dec 10, 2014

dsmenon, Dec 10, 2014

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