What is one's Dharma ?

Dear Madam,
You have started an interesting thread and have sought philosophical advice.
Philosophy and Philosophers are terms very much relative lacking fine definition and Dharma also runs on the same line. Shri Cheeniya Sir has talked about about the 'Poorva Bhashee Rama and Rama's Sauseelyam( noble character) and Saulabyam
( Easy approachability)cannot be compared with normal human beings.
Even Rama gets much upset when Samudra Raja does not respond to his request. He becomes totally irritated and says that he would make the ocean dry.We are after all human beings, subject to instincts and emotions.
If we are to set aside the fact 'others ignore us'-the great Avvaiyaar would not have sung
" Mathiyaadhaar Thalai vaasal Mithikka Vendaam"" Don't entetain relationship with those who do not respect you.
Her statements
" Inakkam Arinthu Inangu"( Mingle only with those who want to befriend you")
Seridam Arinthu Ser ( Seek out good friends")
reflect her true mind.
The great work Thirukkural which is stated to be a guide for all types of activities on earth, has a special chapter ( Athikaram) on " sitrinam Seraamai) and 'Koodaa Natpu' All the kurals deal with the quality of persons with whom we should have friendship.
Some of Nammaalwar paasurams are very often compared with this Kural Athikaaram.
Having communication or relationship with a person who does not want to have any relationship at all with us, may give us a temporary satisfaction that we have behaved well with some ill behaved ones.
Once or twice we can ignore. But if 'silence' is the continuous response, is it not better to move away?
Perhaps communication with such people may prove to be harmful in the long run.
" Man is a social animal. He cannot keep himself away from the society" etc etc are all good advices.Very true.
But in the process we should not get befooled.

There is a popular saying in Tamil" Kutta Kutta kunibavan muttaal"
Kuniya Kuniya Kuttubavanun Muttaal"

( One is a fool, if he goes on kneeling on receiving hits from others;
In the same way the person is fool, if he goes on hitting a person who kneels and kneels)

This famous saying gives clear instructions as to the importance of reciprocity in life.
Reciprocity shows respect and reverence;But to what extent?
Irreciprocity can be ignored only upto a level. Beyond that, any reciprocal reaction or response becomes totally irrelevant and becomes senseless and waste of precious time and energy.
Our energy can be better utilised for other potential respondents whom we can be of some help.
Reciprocity, Reverence, Relevance and Responsibilities are 4 important mutually depending 'R' s in life.
If we are not pragmatic enough to be careful with the first one, .we may lose reverence;
We may deprive of our relevence in the society;
We would be deemed to be irresponsible to the society which we care,to the well being of the society which is in dire need of our service more than the personal name or fame or satisfaction that we may derive in utilising our wisdom and energy in the misdirected ignored corner.
I am not for totally ignoring others or staying away with relationship;Having lived in a joint family for nearly more than 20 years I also cherish values.
But practical wisdom is what we require today.
Even scriptures and Subha****haanis ( moral sayings)deal with 'Vyaavahaarik and Yathaarthavaadhi'( very practical realities' in life , which I value more important in life.

Jayasala 42

 

Out of sight, out of mind is how it works for most people. Forgive them for that.

Be available to them, whenever they reach you. Don't let go of them or judge them. Contact them infrequently, if they don't contact at all.