Is my Husband mentally sick ?

Dear OP,

Your husband had known about your past relationship even before your marriage. He had an option to cancel the marriage which he didn't do. I don't remember you past threads, so just for sanity check, if you hadn't compared him with your ex at any point in time, then he is totally immature to compare himself with your ex and put your married life in jeopardy.

You are only 27 and have your entire life ahead of you. It's not worth it to be struck with your husband who refuse to grow-up.

Give him an ultimatum. Wait for couple of months. See if he is ready to go for conuselling during that time. End of it, walk out of the relationship if there is no improvement.

 

Sorry...but could not digest that even though the husband is acting like a crazy man, OP is the one who has to make everything OK.

 

The post was not meant to you , it was meant to the OP. Seems like you have too much fun picking on others.

Well, go back and read the entire post, try comprehending a bit better.

Incase you have missed the below piece, I am re-quoting it.

Moreover, it is OP who is looking to solve the problem, so suggestions can be given only to the OP (to do things that are in OP's realm) and not her husband. You dont need to be a genius to get this simple logic.

This question should be directed to OP's husband and not to me. Well as things have played out, the engagement was not broken and OP is now 2.5 years into marriage and he husband is unable to move on.

Ideally yes, but reality does not always match with what needs to be ideal. May be, that' lying stranger' has given OP's husband more convincing evidence against OP.

Clearly, her husband does not get this fact. He needs to forget her past and move on for this marriage to work.

PS - I did not know that OP had disclosed her affair before marriage. My post was based on the assumption that OP was hiding her past affair from her husband

 

My elder sister once told me that a person who has a habit of suspecting people and specially their spouse never really enjoy marital bliss ! I never believed in but after my marriage I saw some couples who have always suspected each other and have a terrible relationship. Nothing they do makes either of them happy. Its a sickness and you have endured that for more than 2 years. I am sure you wud have done evrything to discard this suspision but it has not worked! One last thing u shud do before giving up is taking professional help and if after that also nothing improves u shud move on ! U wud atleast know u tried evrything to save the marriage !

 

maybe he is not mentally sick. Maybe he is just a guy with an ultra traditional mindset who simply did not know what to do or how to handle the situation when your ex revealed all that about you. Maybe he married you because at that point of the marriage preparations he did not know how to break it off. What ot say, how to do it, what to explain to people. If he is traditional mindset, then the marriage preps, what will ppl say maybe all these are factors in his inability to call it off. Maybe he married you hoping to figure out a solution along the way but is just unable to move past this.

Regardless, basically you two never really had a chance, this marriage was over even before it started, looks like. The ex's evil plot succeeded, after all.Instead of trying to save the shreds it is better to pick up the pieces and start over. Just offer to him to end it. Both of you are young enough to be able to find love again.

 

Your husband needs counselling and that too a strong dose to shake him out of the stupor. He is clinging just to one aspect now when his mistake is that he did not opt out when he had the option. You can not take the responsibility of his actions.

Moreover what your ex tells him is also an issue. I remember a case where an ex spoiled the whole thing by telling stuff which was true and untrue both. The ex's ego also comes i between. Confront your husband with whatever they have discussed if already not done.
Will pray that it is all solved for the highest good.

 

I am sorry to hear. I had not read your previous threads. I did not realize that you had disclosed your affair before marriage itself. You dont need to apologize.

In situations like these there is no right or wrong decision. It is you free choice whether or not to stay in your marriage. If you feel everything is over and it is beyond you to salvage this marriage then you can give a divorce and end this marriage on an amicable note. This is 21st century and divorces are well accepted in our society. Its your life and your are responsible for getting yourself a happy life. You dont own your husband's problems.

 

Dear desigirl25,
your story reminds me of my mil. My mil strongly believed that fil was cheating on her. It got so bad that she called his female colleagues and blasted them. She even started stalking fil and some colleague. To this date she believes he is having affairs with women. My mil has psychiatric problems and is on medications. Her behavior rather than illness has created a problem in their marriage. It doesn't matter what the circumstances, words spoken in anger hurt. Spouses who behave like your dh can never be happy in a marriage because of their doubts.
As far as I can see, you have the following options:
1. Involve a neutral family member and talk it out with him. Suggest marriage counseling. See if he listens to reasoning. For all you know, maybe he is a traditional male hypocrite who have some convoluted idea of an ideal woman. Else take him to a psychiatrist and start medications...they really help.
2. Try talking to your husband about the situation. Try to impress upon him the value of trust in a marriage. Try to be calm and give him an ultimatum...either he stops this nonsense or you walk out of the marriage.
3. Divorce. Do u have kids? Are you dependent on him? get a job, be independent and walk out when you can. If he has some mental illness it cannot be wished away. Things get complicated with age. I have seen how bad things can get. You can deal with the illness as an understanding spouse but it is an uphill task. Things get more complicated when kids arrive. Medications reduce or control delusion in the short term. But after some time, delusions become more frequent and more convoluted!

Personally, I would go for the third option because I feel a marriage is between 2 individuals and both need to work towards a marriage. You can't carry the burden alone. If there is no trust, there is no point in anything. I am not saying this is the best option. You are the best judge of your situation so you must decide for your self. Weigh in your pros and cons before deciding anything. Good luck!

 

There you got it!! That exactly is the root problem! Trust in a spouse is fundamental in a marriage and a center peace for happiness. If he cannot trust you you can neither do anything about it nor lead a happy married life. He chooses to mistrust you, it is in no connection to your ex.

Second answer you gave yourself.

He not only choosed to mistrust you and ruin that way your marriage he is not willing to leave that path for a better life for both of you.

BAAAAM!!!! here we go!!! You answerd yourself you already know that it is impossible to change him and you are not willing to live an unhappy life treated in a way you dont deserve to be treated. Thats great. Its normal that you feel that way, every normal human being would feel like that and get depressed. So stop bothering about him. Take care of your looks again and get in shape, joyn gym or other sport classes which you like, pamper yourself coz you deserve to be shown love and care so do it yourself, concentrate on your career and success to be independent! Then i would strongly suggest you to put your feet down. Tell him an ultimatum. It seems he knew about it before marriage, so its his fault he married you not yours to have that past. Dont feel ashamed or guilty or any such you didnt do anything wrong and he knew about it. Tell him streight to take a decission and choose which way to go. If he wont choose and keeps on sitting between chairs its your turn to take the decission.