Are we feeling curbed or do we less tolerate AFTER marriage?

Hi op,

sorry for ur position.

but my opinion is whatever u do like dancing singing going to gym n all u r doing for ur satisfaction. Even after knowing inlaws nature for 10 yrs y u expecting a comment or appreciation from them.

dont have any expectation with them at all. Dat wil solve the problem. Easier said than done I know.

if she is talking in between n tell she knows it we'll then let her explain. That will definitely backfire her

 

Is your MIL God? If not, why do you need to impress her with anything.

Probably your in-laws don't think highly of you because they are jealous of your accomplishments, feel threatened by you, etc.

If you refer to your husband as DH, then it probably means you love him and he loves you. Sometimes, husband may not take keen interests in some of wife's accomplishments for some reason or another, and vice versa. I don't know inside story of your marriage, but the fact that you refer to your husband as DH implies that you love him, and he loves you.

OK that sounds like jealousy. You have a right to sing and dance and be happy, and they have a right to be jealous. They are eating their own poison. Just tell your MIL in your mind (not verbally to her face) "listen granny, you are here today, and gone tomorrow, at the end of the day I am the one who sleeps with your son"

It seems the more you are bothered by your MIL not appreciating you, the more she keeps brushing you off. Some people are just crabby and not very nice

Almighty God sees your efforts, it his Him you should impress .....

OK, here I am little biased. What type of American clothes are you wearing? Are you wearing short sleeved shirts, skinny jeans, and skirts that come to your knees? That's how most ladies in USA dress. I believe long maxi skirts and long sleeve or 3/4 sleeve shirts really make a lady took feminine. And lot of Indian clothes are like that.

Dress however it makes you feel comfortable. From what you are mentioning, it sounds like your MIL takes pleasure in irritating you.

When she says you are going to get fat by eating so much, sweetly say "Ok", and then continue as if you didn't hear her. And talk to her in your mind by saying, "Listen jelly-belly, you wouldn't know what a dumbell is even if it dropped on your head. But then again, you are a dumbell."

Your MIL is threatened by you, not your cousin and cosister, hence you are the target.

Just act like you agree, act like you are earnestly taking her advice and then do how you like it. And if she asks why didn't you do what she say, then sweetly apologize, and then repeat the same thing for next time. Eventually she will get frustrated and keep her distance, or she will keep hammering you. She has to stop eventually.


This is how I am coping with unpleasant people right now, people who are behaving WORSE than any MIL

It's called "passive aggressive", sometimes you gotta play this game ..... eventually things will cool down. You have to impress God, not your MIL or anyone else.

 

have u ever thought of standing up for urself.. rather than whining like a wimp?

stop feeling like a victim and rather start giving retorts back, tilll they stop all the taunts...

i wudn't recommend fighting, but in ur case it feels like u have lost ur own self respect and have started absorbing the taunts...

u need to hit back a couple of times to make them stop.. try it... u will be amazed...

tell them frankly that they are biased and they cannot appreciate the good in u... and u can also point a million mistakes in them but dont do that out of appreciation..

if they cannot respect u they can leave u and ur family alone...

And for u -
go join a local dance group and singing group or some cultural association where u can actually use ur talents and get appreciated... u r extremely lucky to have this talents and it will be a complete waste to not nurture them and use them.... do not waste them for some one in ur home that dont appreciate...

go out into the world and join groups who can appreciate ur skills... ur family might not support u, but u need to do this for ur own good sake...

 

Apologies if my answer sounds honest.

I think your mil is insecure and feeling threatened. She is trying to make you feel little by praising the other dils. You are acting like a silly kid- trying hard to impress the mil.


Let me explain how it is working here..

you are good and your mil is jealous and insecure of you. So you mil is working hard to talk you down by comparing with other dils. Now you take your mils words seriously and are working even harder to become even better. You becoming even better will only make your mil more insecure and she will try harder to talk you down.

i am not trying to make you feel worse but I just wanted to explain what's going on in your mils mind and how your mind is responding to it.


Now, how you tackle this situation is upto you. You really need to stop taking her seriously.. Tell her to back off when she tries to interfere. Build your own support system. Don't work so hard to win her approval.

 

I agree with all the above ladies-why do you need HER DAMN APPROVAL ANYWAYS?????She isn't GOD/YOUR MOTHER/FATHER-So stop proving your prowess infront of her.DO what you love/like without expecting her to approve/praise.I alwyas remember my guru's words-Be like the tree on the roadside-Does it bloom so that you praise the lovely flowers?No it will bloom/provide shade regardless of whether you like it/praise it.There are thousands amongst us who would die to be like you-having kids,keeping a clean home,staying in the US,going to gym-its a dream for many of us here.So stop expecting a tiger to eat GRASS-

 

OP, IL-s will never learn to appreciate you how much you do or achieve...it is just not possible to extract any admiration from their mouths..
My MIL is a self-boasting person who never loses a single opportunity to appreciate or loudly praise her own self..In initial days of marriage if ever I had said anything related to my achievements she will act as if she is deaf..For e.g I had learnt sitar for around 15 yrs and performed on-stage in various events till my college days..when I had shared this info. with my MIL she had not shown an iota of interest...even though my academic scores are better than her son, she will keep on singing praises of my H's academic brilliance in front of me...such things I feel, just bring out their own inferiority complex...I feel that MIL-s need to flaunt themselves in front of us, only because of their inner sense of insecurity and under-achievement...

Like now, she tries to show that my DD likes her more than me...it is always like some marathon for her, where she has to beat me..it is so laughable...

But if something gets on your nerves and she ever puts you down in front of others, do not swallow your insults..be ready with quick replies...

When she dishes all the comments regarding kid's dresses/doctor/credit card your way, do you always keep quite? ..Once a while you can react like "Oh..give me a break..I KNOW what I am doing.."..make that a very spontaneous reaction..it will surely startle her a bit..if your H reproaches you for this, you can say "It just escaped my mouth"..they need to know that you have tolerance limits as well...if appreciation cannot be given then they should not be so free with criticisms also..