MIL has a problem with number of days of period

Hi,
This is a process. Start by first stopping all the periods information feeding to her. Whenever she raises the topic tell her that u will not discuss about it and make a mention that u did not like her way of blaming ur poor late mom and tell her u will not tolerate it again.
Next if she monitors u, lock ur room door and have some privacy when you walk to the bathroom etc. If at all your hubby tells her that u still have ur periods on, don't bother. Don't respond to all these stupid old habits. Sit on the couch and get ur beds comfort for heavens sake! After that if you find her fussing about it ...don't worry!!! Not ur problem!!! Let her wash it all if she wants!!!!
Ask her what her dear son and kid will eat and do when MIL s not here and u have periods...who ll cook n feed them? That time conveniently u can do all the chores na?
Cumon ya, break free from old taboos!
Its high time....
And dear, get help for pcos stuff and my prayers for u to conceive like u wish!

 

Hi,
let your MIL do all the work (with frustration & all drama) as its her problem to follow out-dated customs.Darling you seem to be a gentle soul more upset and guilty seeing her do all the work.As you pointed out this is just a temporary hitch .May be even your MIL don't mean half of what she is blaming. Trying to conceive itself can be emotionally draining dear,so relax don't add your MIL'S problem to yours.Ignore her if possible for your own sanity otherwise order your hubby to handle the situation.

'And also my husband cannot cannot cannot speak lies to his parents.. '
ha ha husbands invariably turn saints the minute we want them to help us out.All thier devilish side reserved for the poor us .
Prayers for you dear.

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when did period become a general knowledge question ? This utter lack of privacy baffles me. In olden days women were asked to sit aside and rest, as lot of women were involved in physical labor. It was stressful for them. Since men think women are donkeys and don't need rest, society decided to give it a religious bent so people will not question it. Come today, when times have changed, we still follow the practice. How can we let go an opportunity to make women feel like second class citizens. I think i know how an untouchable would feel. my advice to op is 'don't ask don't tell' your period business.

 

Dear OP,

I can understand how you feel. Back in my mom's place, we had to follow all these customs (Mom was concerned that if we get married to a conservative family, we should not be taken by surprise..) But, dad and mom made sure no1 knows about my dates.. I had a separate room where this was followed and when some guests arrives, I used to be normal. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed following it..

In IL's place, its different story.. MIL has never followed all this any time. But, first day of my marriage, she told me that its up to me to follow.. I said I was not interested anymore. She then asked me to tell her so that she can close the pooja room for 3 days. I readily agreed to it.. So, for some months I used to tell her and she used to close the pooja room for 3 days and then on 4th day wash everything possible... I respected them.

Once I started getting irregular periods, all problems started... She started calculating the days and started asking if I have got them everyday twice :bang Then, when they finally came, a big lecture that I was abnormal, I had problem, I would die, etc... I tried making her understand that hypothyroid is a common thing.. But, she would not agree... I had almost lost my peace of mind... Then, DH came to my rescue... console1 He just mentioned to me that his mom was not concerned about the rituals when she was young... She has started following them now...

Now, I never tell her about this. Once in a while, she asks me if at all I get my periods to which I reply.. "I am a woman.. Ofcourse I get them". She even asked me twice that why I would not tell her these days.. to which I replied with a smile "Mom, already you have so many things to take care of and to worry about.. I dont want you to worry about my periods also.." gigglingsmiley


Try to be nice and firm with her and stop telling about it. Draw a line...

 

How true !!! console1

 

Dear OP, the only way out is don't share it with your MIL.

In my case it was the maid. Some 20 years back it happened.

We hired a maid who was in her mid 50s. First day itself she told me during my periods I should dip my cloths in a bucket of water and leave it like. I didn't realize any problem in that so agreed to that. We were living in a staff quarters of my husband. Generally maids used to work in 3 or 4 houses.

My cycles used to be once in 24 or 25 days, never later than that. During the 3rd or 4th month the maid started asking amma during the first month you got your periods 3 days before the lady in F14, one week before that teacher in G23 etc etc. But every month yours is changing but their's is regular. That is not good etc etc. :bang

I immediately told her from next month mine also will be regular. From that time every month 3 days whether I have my periods or not I started soaking my cloths and leave it for her to wash.

These maids carry story from one house to another and spread it. Many are interested in listening theses gossips too. I am sure she would have discussed my issue too with others. To avoid that I had to act this way. Trying to educate her is not going to stop the gossip. What else to do?

 

First six months of married life I was in in-laws home. Every month, the phone used to be used to announce to all and sundry that DIL has her periods. It was downright embarassing!!! And that to it would be FIL who made that call. I was not allowed to touch the pickle or yoghurt (they would get spoilt), but was allowed to sit at the table to eat. I could not enter the kitchen, but could cut all the veges sitting on the floor outside the kitchen.

After those 6 months I left for the US. On my first visit back, it was the Karthigai festival. I got my period 2 days before the festival. She made me light all the lamps, put kolam, wear new clothes and basically pretend nothing was happening. I was uncomfortable because I don't do any prayers for 4 days myself. The reason she did that was because she did not want the neighbors to feel sorry for her because her DIL had come for Karthigai and could not participate. That was the last time I listened to her in this regard.

This trip to the US I have kept her guessing totally. She keeps a count...knows my dates better than me. But I have managed to inform her only after the fact She is none the wiser. Luckily for me my husband does not bother about all these things either.

 

I need to ask you ladies why a period is treated like a sin in India, like you are bad or dirty? Why do you ladies follow with this and this is your personal business why do you share this info with her none of her business. I don't think any sin is being committed if you have your period and you go into a temple or some other place. In the west periods are not looked down upon and a woman is no less a woman just cause she has her period. I apologize for this comment as I know I may offend some people but just curious?