How to converse with my widow friend

Tough time for her. This shall too pass. Wounds are just new. It would take its own time to heal and so is her emotions. May be she can kill time by coking for kids and going to temples. But I also guranttee more she will try to deviate more she will come back ground Zero. Evene cooking she will think if hee husnbad's fav dishes which she can never cook for him. Oh god give this lady strength to withstand.

 

Your friend sounds like a very strong person. And is very lucky to have you as moral support. You seem to be doing all the right things. Yes, continue the soothing talks. I get a feeling that you might already know this... Yet, for what it is worth...

It is important that you call her and listen. If she wants to talk, let her. She would have a lot to get off her chest. Give her virtual hugs. Keep reiterating that she is an amazing mum and a very strong person.

Please avoid mentioning the following ("wisdom" gleaned from a cousin who lost her husband)
- she has to dedicate her life for her kids; it is quite a daunting and bleak prospect as if she doesn't have any life of her own left
- or that she has to be there for her kids; she knows and she is trying her best without people making her feel like she isn't doing enough
- Or inanities like the pain will dull with time/ get a grip/ etc ;it sure will but no point rushing her or making her feel she is indulging herself

You could update her about your life so that she doesn't feel patronised. I'm sure you know this - it would be more considerate if you kept your updates general rather than talk about anything couple-my you did or dad-kids bonding. Talk about what you guys could do when you would eventually meet - like goto a restaurant or some such.

Reminicse about the past when you girls first got together and had a few laughs. Or about antics of her children when they were young.

Talk about exciting times ahead with her setting out to conquer the world now. Discuss about clothes she will need for work. Send her articles about soft skills required for interviews and the work place and discuss those. Perhaps have mock interviews together. You could send her little updates or observations about your day on chat/ whatsapp for a laugh.

I pray for strength for her. Take care op

 

First year after DH's loss is very tough..

She remembers her DH while doing each activity and feel more depressed...On the other hand she may concern also about her and children's future..If they were too close, she might see him even in her dreams...

This face is inevitable. Noone, even her children, might be able to help her..

If she is working, she might be able to engage in some activity not related to her personal life and this could ease her mind upto certain extent while engaging in it..

What you did so far is the best thing that you can do in her favor at this situations.. Helping her in settling the legal matters etc.. Daily call might be not required..Give her some space of her own.. But two or three calls in a week, to remind her that we are here to help you, is OK..

Read Bhagavat Gita or listening Gita Parayan ( if she is Hindu ) is very soothing. Also listening to other Spiritual talks and satsang are best at this stage..

After a year, she would adjust herself to reality and will be able to handle everything of her own...