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Active at home and passive at office..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by YoGirl, Jul 16, 2014.

  1. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Since "Relationships" forum is a super active forum..I am posting my thoughts here....

    It is the 'appraisal' time in my company. I shout, argue, cry in proving my point and authority at home sometimes. But, when it comes to asking for raise in salary, I go numb in front of my manager each and every time. I nod my head during performance rating assuming that I deserve only such much since 'I can't manage it(work, kids, husband, In-laws, parents, maids, house,etc) all' .

    But husbands don't consider these as barriers. They aim high and achieve high. My husband, though only 1 year older than me, is already 7 years ahead of me in career. From one side, I am happy for him, but at another side….I am sad and I don't understand why I am behind. Men and women are equally competent in studies .. but eventually, why do women slide down??

    What do you ladies think about this? Esp the working women and women who quit work to be home maker..

    PS: I equally respect SAHM and career women.
     
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  2. mithu202

    mithu202 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi YoGirl,

    Even I have felt the same, When compared to my husband I am more qualified than him but coming to work he achieves high than me.
    The issue here I felt is.

    * When I am at office I call every two hrs to get updates what my daughter is doing my husband doesn't do that he only concentrates on his work.

    * If I don't have much work the first thing i do is I start home immediately which he doesn't do.

    * He spends time at home by reading to update his knowledge on what he is working on , which I don't do.
     
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  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    The one who commits and contribute more at work will get the positive appraisal. There is no rocket science behind it. Just because we are women, and our issues at home are way too broader than our male counterparts, our managers won't rate us with high grades.

    At the office compound, you are a professional beyond your personal issues. Whoever give their 100% to their career gets promoted and rated high.

    I never felt like losing anything in my career for being a mom/wife, that too in a roller coaster life. I have always been promoted, and my salary got increased compared to many of my male co-staff.

    However, because of my career, I had to compromise a lot at home front. Had I chose to stay at home then, many of my marital problems may not have popped in. Having said that, it took me 5 years to reach the balance, where I am good at home and career and both towards a happy home at the end of the day.

    You may be perfect at home today, so you lose a bit at your career front. In the coming days, you may reach a balance where you do your best at both places; thus stay happy.
     
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  4. aabcii

    aabcii Gold IL'ite

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    It all depends how to balance things going and coming
     
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  5. han412

    han412 Gold IL'ite

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    A womans priorities after getting married and having kids change.
    Men are not that concerned as they think it is the womans job to take care of kids and the household.
    So a man is concentrating on his job but a woman is doing 2 jobs so its natural to lag behind.
     
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  6. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with all of you..
    SGBV..I am not able to loosen up things at home front. The guilt feeling is haunting me.

    Its so unfortunate that the biological clock and career clock coincide for women. We will be at mid career levels during our pregnancy times and that shows a huge impact.

    If we stay strong at this sensitive time and take career strongly, I think we can reach higher levels at work.
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Think this way, if a woman can bear the whole pregnancy, delivery and the initial years after her baby was born without much struggle... can anything on earth be more challenging than them?

    I was taking 2 important competitive exams while I was carrying my second one. Those exams were done globally, so I had to go to Bangkok for the interview (other than the skype/telephonic first round interview). I know, it was not easy. I had my severe nausea, vomit, dizziness and what not. But glad to say that I was able to pass, and I was the only one from my office here. There were many males, who competed me then.

    I understand the biological clock part. But isn't it every career woman goes through that phase at some or the other point of their lives? So, it is all how you balance the both, and make a clear path out of it.

    If you are unable to make a better career like your H because of your biological clock, then there is nothing to be shame about it. Because it shows you have achieved more than what is expected at your home front. The appraisal in home should be definitely more here.

    I had to quite my international career in 2010 in order to be with my family, and then I was at home the next whole year as I could not leave my little son with anyone else.
    When I joined back to work in 2012, I felt like I am demoted. Because my grade was really low than I expected, and everyone (males though) who worked with me before 2010 are so highly promoted when I resumed the same grade in 2012. Felt so bad to sit with juniors, and to send reports to my ex-colleagues who were in the same position as me before.

    But I was so determined in my career like always since I resumed it. Within 2 years time, I reached where I wanted to go. This time, I also reached the maturity to balance my family with 2 kids, and also my work in the high level position. Just that I grew old, so my experience in both fronts too grew with me.
     
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  8. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Kudos to you SGBV
     
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  9. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    hi YG,
    I am with you. Infact most of the career women are in more or less the same position. No doubt, handling multiple things are not easy in any sense. We feel our husband's career is atmost priority than ours. We never know when we are going to quit for the sake of family. We are more responsible at home and we can't escape from it but if required we can quit our careers. That is the comfort zone that has been created by husbands and we feel the same. If somebody not well at home we have to take off, if somebody comes home we have to take leaves. Irrespective of any hindrance it hits our careers first and people feel that our career is a overhead.
    But bounce back. This is very competitive world and though we have numerous opportunities. Infact in my organization they prefer to take males into projects and very less openings for females. This is clear discrimination I could see and hear from supervisors. This is due to various reasons -1. females can't stay late(why should anybody stay late in the first place??? It is because of improper planning) 2. females can't stretch hard(for that matter who will stretch????we are the persons who had gone through maternity pains) 3. females can't be flexible(who are the most flexible in life???Are n't we??) 4. Females can't travel(this can be substituted by anybody who are willing to travel) Like this lot of reasons.
    With all these reasons we are trying to be in our comfort zones and it has become an advantage for supervisors to show it as a reason during appraisal time. Every woman face this music. These are just my thoughts where even I faced similar situation.
     
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  10. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Probably because, women give more importance to other' (managers' etc) good will on them, overall relationship with colleagues and superiors etc, than being aggressively assertive in obtaining what they want in office hierarchy.

    Probably men mind less about overall good will of others and about the overall relationship with others and give more importance to being high in the hierarchy ladder.
     

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