Husband's hypocrisy

I dont mean to be rude here but i dont understand why you start a new thread while you did not long ago complained about less replies to your old one but you are not replying to the posts given to you as answers / suggestions.
It wud have been really helpfull if you wud have mentiond the information you are giving here now in your previous threads instead of ignoring the answers giving to you...please focus on one thread to avoid confusion and answering to several ones by IL members.
Nevertheless wish you all best with your husband.
That men forget anniversary or b-days is so common many of us are happy if they remember ours (wifes) b-day or atleast their own dont take it to heart just remind him. About the gifts, there too many men have not the slightest clue what to gift, specially not to lil children. Maybe you can suggest next time what gift to buy in your both names and he signs the greeting card? You are right that its nice to gift things to children as its makes them very happy. Please dont expect him to appreciate you gifting something to his nephew too much, as i says some men just simply dont care.. that he cares as less for gifts for his as for your nephew shows to me he is that kind of men. So you gift both sides of relatives equally, and be happy you cud create a smile on their faces.
Next time you can call your relatives up if there is a special event and then hand over the phone to him, if he doesnt wish, console etc. then ask him streight away after the conversation what the exact reason is and tell directly how rude it is and what impact it has on relationships. if he refuses to respect your family ask for clear reasons and put feet down that you deserve same respect. If you dont want to be taunted dont let yourself get taunted.

 

Have u spoken it out with your husband any time?

 

Hi,

I have not read any of your previous posts as somehow i didnt find them. Now forgetting about birthdays and wishing for festivals and other auspicious days is common in few men. Some men dont remember them. sometimes even women forget. if he forgets about it you can remind it. i think he doesnt care for all those gifting things on birthdays. But you can buy and can gift for both sides. Dont take it too much to heart. Most men are just behave passive in these kind of situations and they need help they dont accept it in the begining especially who are really egoistic types (Again my DH in the beginning of our relationship but fortunately not any more now). but very happy when we help them.

And again some men cant do that wishing and consoling part suddenly. they need preparation on those kinds of thing. If you suddenly ask him to console on phone they dont find words on how to wish and console(my husband is also like that). Because they cant console for namesake untill they really mean it. So if you are bout wish some body or console somebody have a simple chat about the event/person with him before the call. Tell him that you feel good and happy if he wish/console them (unfortunately some men are like that. that is how i do every time with my husband ). and if he needs you can even tell him the exact words he has to say in the call. then call and you may hand the phone over to him. If they cant help themselves we can help them atleast right. If he is not willing to talk purposely you can ask him why he is doing that and you are really hurt for this behavior of him.

 

To be honest, your husband sounds deeply disturbed. For starters, he should be your absolute champion when talking with his family, not commiserating with them against you. How did you and he end up together?

That sounds like a condition verging on something that requires psychiatric care. Normal, healthy people simply don't think and act that way.

Do you have children yet? If not, what would your plan for life after a divorce look like?

 

No worries, i think i got part of the answer as i suspected there might be deeper problems then this greedy uncle...

Thats sheer rude! So hes not the forgetful but the "my family is better then yours" kind of.. really bad.
did you tried to confront him? Did you try to put down exact expectations, like i whish you call my relative for this and that reason as its considerd polite and i wud really appreciate it? Is he still rudely declining then?
Its bad too that he involves his family in your matter (seems to me he does). you should tell him streight that certain things belong only between a married couple and not to be discussed publicly.

First its non of his business which relatives picture you keep on your laptop, it wud be even highly weird reaction if he gifted you this laptop, i dont understand his point in getting angry about that at all. Is it power fight? Ignore such tantrums.
If hes selecting next time toy for his nephew tell him (if both are similar age) thats great so you can get it twice so we dont have to break our heads for next gift.

Is there anything happend between him and your family or is he always been like that? I feel like i miss something coz its so extreme that he even refuses to console relatives of yours. A lot of men are still driven towards their own family of origin and care less for their wife ones, specially when its coming to financial support and visitations, but not even calling to console is really more then weird. Tell him its his reputation getting affected not yours.

If hes acting so rudely with you according to your family and he remembers so clearly well the b-days of his relatives his issue is definetely not the typical men forget important dates issue! You are right its pure hypocricy and priorization of his relatives.
Whats his excuses to behave like this? do never allow him to put yu down or give you or your family bad names. Tell him directly that if he has a specific problem he can explain to you in proper words and you will both try to find a solution together, if he refuses to speak to you in a respectfull manner just turn arround and leave the place saying once you are willing to have a normal conversation with me again we can discuss this matter again but not until then.
Stop trying to please his family and accepting he disrespects yours. Respect yourself first and stay strong otherwise he wont ever learn to respect you.

 

I agree that she shouldn't try to please him or his family, but I don't think him 'learning to respect you' should be the goal. He should respect you from the start -- otherwise, why on earth is he a suitable person to marry? If he doesn't respect you, if he doesn't think the world of you, you shouldn't be married to him.

 

Absolutely right! Someone should respect the spouse from the very beginning, otherwise there is no reason to get married in the first place. The problem here is that i didnt think the OP´s husband did show that respect BUT they are already married so it doesnt make any sence to discuss wether she shud have or shud have not gotten married to him.. she is. What iam trying is to first rule out some possibilites as problem sources / root cause analysis to try to suggest or think about possible solutions before thinking about seperation which is always last step... well, still its right too there are two hands needed to clap and if OP´s husband is completely unwilling to meet her at any point of the way it will be difficult for her to keep the marriage.
Hence my thought was to encourage her to keep her head up and stop letting them treat her as lower, which she clearly isnt. Its important for us to first respect and value ourself otherwise no one else will ever...

 

hi
i have been in a similar situation but for me it was inlaws hypocrisy more and less of husbands wherein my mil would require me to call all my sils/their children on their special day.whereas for any of our special day they have even called at 11 in the night when the day is abt to get over and that too only mil/fil my sils have never bothered to call up .imagine my mils hypocrisy where i had a first miscarriage and was grieving over the loss of my child and my mil wanted me to call my elder sil so she can console me since i was the smallest in the family and i have to call an elder not the other way around .now i do not bother to call anyone on their special days by pretending i am busy or i forgot abt it .as for gifting my husbands always cries abt financial prob when its my family turn to be gifted now i do the same for his family .