Is this marriage worth it!

Leona · May 21, 2014

Hi All, I am a silent reader of Indus Ladies since a long time. My life was good before getting married and I am the only child of my parents.
We found a good alliance over the net and my parents met his. They asked us to do few formalities (you know what I mean). We got engaged and the next day he told my dad that he does not like the job and left it.
Am such an idiot, didn’t ask him when he will find the job or where we will be stay until he finds the job. Anyway we got married within a month after engagement and moved to his hometown. We stayed there for six months and since the job market was dull he did not get a job. After much struggle he got the job in a different city. He came home every weekend (will start on Friday night reach in the morning stay for a night and catch the train on Sunday evening). This was happening for 6 months. Then I was with him for six months but we used to quarrel pretty often. If you ask me what the issues are, let me point it out
1) Right from day one he keeps telling my father has not done a grand marriage.
2) My dad has not got “self-realization” that his son in law has to be fed with cash all the time
3) He wants to do business
4) Whenever he is at home he will mention what his colleagues, friends, neighbors got for dowry and how well their fathers in laws are taking care of their son in law.
5) We have been trying for kids from day one. Just few months back he took me for a checkup and the doctor told that we need to do other tests. However he has not taken me for other tests and neither he has taken any .
Hence I came to moms place now. And am searching for a job.
Besides all this I am fed up of him mentioning about the gifts his friends have got. During one of the arguments he said he wants all my properties since I am a single child.
I don’t know what to do with life. Am now with my parents. I don’t have many issues with my inlaws. They have called me to have discussion.
Dear ladies what do you think I should do. Sorry for the long post. Sincerely need help.

hope2b · May 21, 2014

You are on the right path. Talk about everything you mentioned here. If there is no love or respect left in a relationship, its not worth it. It does look like your H wants you for the money. If that's the case, don't be afraid to take to separation. And don't you fall for your in-laws nicety too. Be brave and confront. All the best.

Leona · May 21, 2014

Hi Hope2b
Thanks a lot. Yes even my parents are worried and fed up of his attitude. Guess that's the only solution.
Yes true my inlaws are greedy too but they don;t show it me.

varalakshmi24 · May 21, 2014

My love to you dear. If you have your parents' support why not end this loveless marriage?At any cost please do not bring a kid into this maarriage now. Maybe after the discussion you ll get a clearer picture on what to do.

sdiva20 · May 21, 2014

OP- This marriage this so totally not worth it. Your husband is a spineless creep, period. Unless that is the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with, you should get out of it pronto.

But, it is not your husband's fault at all. You are just as much at fault.

1. How did you realize this was a "good" alliance?

2. What does this mean - " they asked us to do few formalities (you know what I mean)." ? I actually don't understand unless you are hinting so coyly about dowry. If so, it is illegal and if the takers are still breaking the law, the givers who are just as much to blame are also breaking the law by aiding and abetting it. If you break law, you should take responsibility. You and your family knew at this point that this was a "no good" alliance. Why did you go with it?

3. The day after the engagement, you knew he left the job because he "did not like it". That clearly showed ....AGAIN.. that this is a worthless creep who wants a easy life at someone else's expenses. If the dowry was not enough, this should have been a wake-up call. You and your family- and you say you are the only child- ignored it. Why did your parents ignore such a huge red flag? Why did you? You are an adult ready to get married but could not analyze this situation?

4. You let your parents pay to set up your home....let me clarify....your marital home which you and your husband should be doing. Why? Your dad even pays for your phone. I think it is shameful that you still let your dad pay for your expenses. Why did you need to marry at all?

5. Your husband- lazy, immoral and worthless he may be- but he has been honest about his intention right from the start. He wants a easy life funded by someone else.

You on the other hand choose to marry him knowing about all this.

If you don't want the next 40 years to be the exact replica of the past two, you should leave him. He will not change. If not your dad, he will find another bakra to fund his worthless life.

And did you really mention, you want to have a child with this worthless waste of humanity?

Sorry I am not going to sugarcoat things for you. Many women come of know the true colors of their husbands after marriage. I have sympathy for them. But you walked into this with eyes wide open.

SreeSri · May 21, 2014

As per your posting, your man is a jerk. He doesnt have self esteem/responsibility and he is not a man if he is waiting for OPM (Other people money) for him and his family responsibility.
Before that, you made a wrong choice of choosing him against few red flags.
The good news is that you now had a complete idea of your situation. Strengthen yourself with a good job, self confidence and being on your own before making a decision. As "hope2b" said above, do the reporting of your situation etc to your and his family once you get your feet strong with your job and confidence.. You are young, you can sustain any change in your this early stage of the marriage(in other words, you dont have kids and no other virtual bonding in your marriage to build a new life)
Good luck

ProudIndian · May 21, 2014

no its not worth it. no second thought. just divorce this lazy free loader.

lovelytulipz · May 21, 2014

OP I back every body's suggestion here. If you have your parents support, why not end it.

anuram09 · May 21, 2014

I salute your dad for taking right path for his beloved daughter's future.

pantu · May 21, 2014

Hi, this man is a worthless fellow for sure. From your post I know your dad is an ATM machine rather than a FIL. He is making love for kids with you so he will extract more juices . Girl leave that blood sucking animal for good!