Need help about married life.

unless you speak out your hubby will never understand u.. ask him to take u out alone to some places leaving mil.

 

Dear OP, I feel yours is the same story as in every household after few yrs of marriage.
How you behaved in college days and how you are now after 3.5yrs of marriage is a natural transition which happens to every girl. Those were carefree days and now you're burdened with responsibilities of being a wife, DIL and a mom.
I can understand that you want to share your thoughts with your hubby and he being an introvert bothers you. But you should be thankful to God that he has given you a sweet lil kid and a supportive hubby and so so MIL.

After initial years of marriage, it becomes monotonous to every day get up, do the same routine work and managing kid and eat and sleep.
What you need is a break!
Try to convinve your hubby in a pleasing way to take out 3-4days off from his office [ or combine weekends if he can't afford leave] and plan a short trip with your kid and hubby.
Let MIL stay at home.

Also, plan for weekend movies or malls... may not be every sunday but atleast once or twice in a month.

You can also pickup some hobby. E.g. if you like painting, start painting with your son...it may instill good artistic skills in him as well. or if you prefer embroidery do it in your spare time.
Or call your friends and make a plan to go to malls. You are in bangalore and it is such a beautiful city to just roam around... so many malls to visit.

Night when your DH comes tired, have your supper together and then put your son to sleep. Offer your DH some light head massage and do the talking. maybe you can light scented candles or potpourri with lavender oils... It might take away stress and you both may sit down watch a movie or have sweet talks.
I'm sure he'll appreciate your efforts and spend more time with you.

Good Luck

 

Hi selviblr,

All that pinky2cute wrote above can be considered as very nice options.
Since, you are MCA, you can consider taking up a teaching job in any good city school. Computers is a subject nowadays in every standard. You can put your knowledge to work. Also, a teaching job is not as demanding as any IT Professional job, which requires a one to spend a minimum time at office ( which can increase without prior notice on almost every day of month ). I'm saying this because, in this job you should come back home by afternoon and take care of your child too. It's just a matter of couple of hours and I'm sure your MIL can look after your son in this time. Atleast, a little help can be expected from her.

Also, this would give you a chance to explore a life outside of kitchen walls and enhance your knowledge in computers, plus an extra source of income.

 

OP,

You have a typical normal life. No financial worries, well behaved/caring husband. Expand your interests/hobbies, can't depend on your DH to make you feel happy. You have to feel the happiness from inside. Keep in touch with your friends and family, talk to them daily.

Nothing wrong in seeing a doctor. Medication might help you to recover faster.

 

Hi selviblr,

Do not worry. I am also living with my in laws. initially i found it very difficult. But, just learn their ways and you will understand what they really mean. Also, they are old and it is not possible to change their ways. Better we change our ways or just ignore their comments so that they don't reach your mind at all.

Spend time with your son, take him out for a short walk, etc. I am also an IT professional. I know how hectic the job is. Speak with your hubby and make him spend time with u and ur kid during weekends.

I know it is easy to say but very difficult to do all these. But, we have to find ways to stay happy. Above all, its our life....

Divert your attention, and try to inculcate some hobbies - read books, painting, blogging....

And dont continue to show a sad face to your hubby. Men basically don't encourage that at all. Be cheerful to him wherever he speaks to you or vice versa. If he likes this attitude, he will start finding time to spend with you. Make him like your company and he will automatically start finding time for you.

I say this because, I tried this and it worked out.

All the best to you.

Sweety girl.

 

Hi selviblr,
Well said in above post... u have to be strong and shud not lose ur life, try to be like as u were b4 marriage.
You shud understand that ur mil will be ur hubby's mother and if most of the time complaint about her to ur hubby, he too feels to ran away frm conversation.
Just understand him too as ur mil is his mother hw he will listen against her after limit if she is rite or wrong doesnt matters and keep urself in his place.wil u shows interest if smone keeps talking abt ur parents.
So pls have hope and take this as challenge to make ur life joyful and happy by making ur own roaming plan like going to parks, malls, weekend trips with ur family. Also try to establish gud relationship with ur mil as u can help her in her work, ask her help in ur work, go 4 walk wid her in evening, grossary and vegetables shopping, can go to temples etc.
Be happy n gud luck..

 

Feeling the lack of emotional connection with the husband after the arrival of the first kid , or even before that, is an extremely common situation, must be present in every household.

Every wife, must have felt the above, at least once in her married life. Absence of a long neutral /friendly conversation with the husband is again the most common complaint many wives have on their husband.

So, feeling the lack of emotional connection with him and not being able to have a long neural /friendly conversation with him, DOES NOT MAKE YOU A PSYCHIATRIC PATIENT IN ANY WAY.

You are an absolutely normal woman, first of all.

What he has suggested sounds a very valid idea to me. He must have sensed what you are going through. His own job commitments must not be allowing him to spend quality time and quality conversation with you, which makes you feel emotionally disconnected.

Many husbands sail through this boat only. What he has suggested you is not a bad idea at all.

It is worth pursuing. What you earn does not matter. You will keep yourself busy and occupied. And you will feel nice about it. Days will be beautiful with a work in hand, with hardly any time to lament over the lack of emotional disconnection and lack of conversations !

 

You meant 'meditation' ? or you meant 'medication' ? You mean anti-anxiety ones ?

They will do more harm than good. Here the OP is a totally normal woman, from psychiatric point of view. What she needs is a little adjustment with her reality and ways to keep her occupied elsewhere.

Taking recourse to anxiolytic medications, or other calming medications , without solving the actual cause of the problem, will do more harm than good, for a normal individual.