For all ILites

as stressfull said, just bcos our mil gave birth to our dh that doesnt means we shud tolerate her nonsense and give in their demand.
love and respect is mutual. nothing can be forced.
my mil treats me like table and chair in the house, shud i treat her the same? no i wont, my mother had brought up and taught me well.
my mil will be taken care well by me, not because she is my dh's mother, because
I AM MY MOTHER'S DAUGHTER.

 

Its Very frustrating to see that boys parents always make a big deal about how they took care of their precious ds,brought him up and then we dils enjoying the fruit now.My parents also took care of me when i was ill, didnt watched tv when i had exam they did so many things for me. Still my mom dont eat tehari because i love it i am so far away. My mil treated me like a dirt in her house. I wasnt even allowed to use the toilet when i had my period, made comment about my looks, hair and everything. She never touched whenever i cooked anything. Now she is good to me but i am not the same person anymore. I am very bitter and angry. I dont have any trust, love for my husband. I do everything for him cooking, talking care of house, we go to vacations but the love has vanished. He was like a audience of the abuse drama, my mil and her niece misstreated me but he never ever said anything to them. He saw me crying whole night but never took any step to stop the abuse. Now i dont want to have anything to do with them. They just lost me.

 

Nearing women's day, I feel really bad, so much heavy heart, I see several replies from DIL's. Thanks to my dad who treated my mom very well and now treat my wife also very well, he is less educated than my mom, I can even say he is uneducated person. But every dad should be an example to his son's on how to treat your wife. He never let my mom down in front of his mom, neither he let his mom down in front of my mom.

All DIL's want only one thing in this world, they never bother about comments, abuse, ill treat from MIL, all they wanted is a good support from dear husband.

 

hahaah....I like your opening "line" ! yellowmango:cool2:

 

OP,
try to understand that not all people are same and not everyone's situation is same.I am educated,well qualified,I handled a lot many people in office,I was a very pampered and loved kid.I loved my DH very much.I never thought that I'll ever be on such a forum discussing my MIL and SIL and problems they created for me..
I treated my MIL as my mother.But tell me,which mother ridicules her daughter's body and features!! Which mother would choose her daughter(my SIL) over me again and again and keep belittling me and my qualifications and achievements!Which mother will always always be biased! Which mother will keep mentioning whatever she has done till date for her son1
I never differentiated between my mom and her.I always bought gifts for MIL and not my mom.My values were such that I always tried extra to make her feel that I am like her daughter but as they say-"you cant clap with one hand"
I kept praising her in front of my DH and all the world and she kept playing her mind games and kept establishing that she and her daughter are the best and their sacrifices are the maximum.
MIL used to tell me what you mentioned-"I carried my son for 9 months,did so much" etc etc..
But how come only a son's mother only remembers all these sacrifices? Why hasnt my mother till date never ever mentioned this(not even for my brother).Does that mean we were raised on our own and our mother is less of a mother?

I only noticed it when I heard incessant stories from my MIL that some people keep on playing a tape again and again.My DH she says was the toughest of her kids,her DD was a darling even then(in childhood too) who never troubled her.God!!Isnt it sick??
When she starts manipulating even their childhoods just to gain brownie points or to show her sacrifices in a glorified manner,what else is left?
I am a mother now.And I dont even feel like mentioning what all I do for my daughter.Because it was our decision to bring her in this world and it is our duty to do the best for her.I do everything and I feel happy about it.I feel complete and I am ecstatic.The kid has given me infinite joy just by coming into our lives.I don't want anything in return-not even a simple thanks because that will make me selfish.I am happy in doing whatever I am doing.
The way you have mentioned about your MIL-that she carried your DH in her lap and all-we all do it! Day in and out-every caring mother does it.Rather for present day mom,its all the more difficult-to manage job and child together.Are we made of iron??
But,the love and care shown to get something in return is not love-its an investment..

I would never keep a record,or write it in a diary as to what all I am doing for my kid.Nor will I bombard her spouse of these stories.
In all these years,it has never never been mentioned by anyone in DH's family that even my parents would have done some sacrifices etc to raise me.How convenient!!

 

Sorry OP. You are burying your head in the sand when you make your sweeping statements.

I don't see why someone should be given respect purely for their age (and simply for doing their duty towards their own child), when they lack the compassion, wisdom and love that they ought to have by that age.

Forget in-laws. I have seen my dad's mum treat her several daughters-in-law so beautifully and I've seen my mum's mum treat her daughters-in-law like crap. I have tons more respect for my dad's mum, yet can't bear to have one decent conversation till date with my mum's mum.

Whoever be it, if you treat me fairly, I shall treat you back fairly. If you treat me like crap, I have the courage and the brains to make you feel like you are something nasty stuck to the bottom of my shoe. That's all there is to it.

 

Like everyone said - it should be about two individuals. DIL is an individual and MIL is an individual. If DIL treats MIL poorly , no one here supports them. In fact I have seen so many posters giving a piece of their mind to DILs who complain about MIL without any reason.
Respecting or taking crap from MIL "JUST BECAUSE SHE GAVE YOU YOUR H" , is really really a stupid logic. My mom also has spent sleepless nights taking care of me. When my mom was carrying me, she had to undergo so much of pain because she had a prolapse and she had to lie on a bed with its leg raised continously for 2 months- with catheters and no proper food. I have NEVER seen anyone telling my Husband - please be thankful to her!
I have never seen a post asking the son-in-laws to respect their mother-in-laws because they 'gave them the gift of a beautiful wife'. What BS!!its a matter between two individuals.Period.

 

stupid MILs trying to justify their arrogance with sentiments.. side effects of watching too much saas-bahu crap....

@yellowmango...
very well said.. muh tod jawab...

 

OP, actually your point of view is correct somewhat, but sadly not in all cases..

Here DILs are following so many methods for their own peace..

Life is not like a novel, where characters will act as per our wish..

Morals do change as per the situations, persons, and problems and responsibilities...

No one can tolerate lifelong because of only reason that they gave birth to him..

Their love or insecurity feeling should not effect the home atmosphere either between H and W or between ILS and DILs..

Our ignorance or calmness could not be weapons to them..

Sometimes hands, talks, eyes, mind works irrelevantly to each other.. We need to react when we faced that from others, and we must for our self respect..

Here everyone presented their point of view based on their real life.. so its depends..

Your points are considerable, but impossible to follow in all circumstances..

And i know your intention is also to consider and mind, and this is my point of view