Suggestion for happy life with Angry husband

deepikamurari · Jan 18, 2014

Hi Team,
Myself & the guy whom i am gonna marry next month are facing serious relationship issues which needs to be solve before marriage to avoid further problems. Kindly help us & provide ur valuable suggestion which helps to lead a gud lyf.
My character:Talkative,Lively,Multi talented, Enjoying every seconds of life in present, Taking things lite,Wanna learn new things & update our self for betterment of next generation,Learning from other's Experience. My family side all will give priority for my happiness whatever may be the rules & regulations they wnt bother. My mom is working women which helped me to face any issue independently.

My guy character: Exactly opposite of mine in all aspects. He is good in all aspects from his point of view but when its comes into relationship everything is adversely changed affecting myself & himself also.
Some Scenarios which we are facing:

He is taking all small things as that much serious & reacting to me on that much anger. Even though he itself knows his behavior of that kind is wrong. Small small things in day-to-day life are making us hurting more & more.
Ex: Focusing on others thought mainly: If i talk more infront of any of his relatives,he is feeling that they will think i am dominating him so he used to order me for each & everything then he will scold me.He will take good care but I have to follow whatever he said.
Creating Dependency: As his family side all are housewives, he always wanted me also to be dependent able for his thoughts which hurts me more not able to express any of my suggestions while taking many decisions & at last he will implement his idea as final.
Wasting Present & saving for future: Always thinking for the future & saving the money for kids. Even though acceptable but enjoying the present life also imp which i feel. Not giving importance for any of our birthdays, DJ’s, Loveable moments… I Thought To Sit & Talk but where he is not spending time as we are away.
As I am multitalented, I wished my guy to encourage in all aspects as few will be blessed with creativity I feel . but he is not interested in any of things not even encouraging me & not even bothering abt that.
ANGER EXTREME: Whenever I argued these things, he will point my family members which adds fuel to the fire,Pointing all my mistakes & Insulting me in front of his relatives & his brother, Staying Away by not talking @last HE WILL HURT HIMSELF by taking cigar & beer which I hate to the core. He will shout & wander in bike then he will realize.

Whenever we are intimate, He will make me happy & I also feel happy out of all things forgetting all his angry behavior.

I too know he loves me a lot & vice versa but this thing needs to be solved. Kindly advice how to change his angry behavior & making him to understand that a gal also has a wish to spread her wings.

peet1983 · Jan 18, 2014

Have a open discussion with him on the above points and convey your expectations. Also mention the tolerance point where you are ready to have in this relation with your expectations.

Let him come up with his thoughts and listen to him.

I belive you are putting over expectation at least with this guy you have engaged with.

deepikamurari · Jan 18, 2014

I am not expecting things in every aspects but making me insult in front of his side family members.I want a healthy relationship.I am saying dunt share family matters with ur family memebers but he is taking all the issues to his mom making bad impression on me.

vijkirsha · Jan 18, 2014

Hi Deepika,

Guys are like this only we have to adjust with them to lead a fruitful life.

You can think like adjusting is small work but it has lot of meaning.

The examples you have given like he is not encouraging. Why you are expecting to encourage. If you want to do , you do. Guys cannot understand this and all. So don't expect anything from him. No expectation, No disappointments. This will be very useful statement after marriage .

Then Guys wants you to be dependent before others. If personally he is good to you means don'ta take this very serious.

yellowmango · Jan 18, 2014

If he is doing this before you are married...there is no chance he will ever change. He is a big red flag .Marry at own risk.Sorry for being too frank.

deepikamurari · Jan 18, 2014

Hi viji,As per ur last wrds, i m nt taking this serious but sumtimes..He also used 2 say adjustment is imp in marriage lyf but he is saying a thought gal is going 2 enter into a new family so gal hav 2 adjust & change al the things..If I am saying against @last he vl fight.I m not arguing but i m making things more visible from girl's side.

deepikamurari · Jan 18, 2014

Photography & multimedia is my passion .All will encourage 4 my wrks & candid shots but 1 1/2 year he s not even interested to take a single photo with me..Eventhough he s not interested @least he should encourage me to proceed my career in this field i thought.Y a gal should leave her passion for the one who not even know the things about that.

vijkirsha · Jan 19, 2014

Hi Deepika,

Very sorry for you. Whatever you are arguing, don't argue like you are always right. Leave him for some time to get cool and say calmly and slowly.

Passion - Yes of course we have leave our passion to lead a good life according to our culture.

Wondergirl137 · Jan 19, 2014

Read the Red Flag sticky. I do not know how to do that link thing here,or else I would have linked the thread here.

If I were you, I would have given more time to this relationship. From what I read, it is not only him, but you as well. Both of you need to understand yourself, what you want from life, and the relationship better.

Priya999 · Jan 19, 2014

cancel this marriage and lead peaceful life this is good decision.

Suppose if you marry this guy,tomorrow if he shout infront of every one and if he keeps on dominating you then you have to compromise for every small things (As a women you should lead independent life).In the marriage system,mutual understanding is very important.As mens in the society will think they are great and their decisions are always correct as if they behave women are unfit to take the decision.Keep it one thing in your mind,dont go for the temporary happiness, in future you have to suffer with this person throughout your life.

Dont think about what others think , cancel this marriage now.Just think about future endeavours and proceed further.

After marriage,Men has to support women and women should also support men.Now itself if he is keeping restriction ,tomorrow after marriage, you have to take permission for every small things also ,so as per my opinion dont take a risk and suffer later.suffering after the marriage is no use ,now option is in your hand ,think about it and proceed further.

May be you love that person,but if he is not respecting you then what is use of this love?

All the best!!!!!!!!!!!!